My Life as a Kalli

me likey

2012-01-25T15:27:00.001-07:00

I am still really into this nude sweater I snatched for $16 at the Rack. Please note my shocking lack of accessories. I'd maybe throw a scarf on this, a gray one likely. Accessories just mean more things for my kids to pull on and break. I hate bracelets, most necklaces, and dangly earrings are just asking for it.

Got these at TJ Maxx. I'm approximately 6'3" in them which effectively qualifies me as enormous.

I like it!

all of season 2 watched? done

part polygamist, part "not just another ponytail". I'm in.

I actually got dressed one day. Here's proof plus a good shot of those generous and supple thighs, and a toddler photobomb. Also, my birthday boots are already coming apart at the sole. I'm rather pissed because now I have to find all new boots. It's not cool.

seacrest out

just jump

2012-01-23T22:42:00.002-07:00

Meeting with the mortgage guy wasn't that scary. Turns out, they really do want to give you the money. Because that means they get money. There's just so much money flying around, it's like one of those glass boxes where they blow it everywhere and you have to catch it in your shirt! Or not. We just have a couple of hoops to jump through and then our very first home loan should get pre-approved barring some random act of nature or the cosmos getting in our way. YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM BUYING A HOUSE UTAH LAKE TSUNAMI, I'M WATCHING YOU!

Houses are expensive, even when you get one for freaking cheap in this down market or whatever. There are all these things like down payments and closing costs and random small print fees that I assume go towards training future lenders and realtors into how to confuse future home buyers when it comes to this whole process. So that the legacy may continue and all. I even stumbled on a house I might really like today. So much that I spent the whole day obsessing about it and emailing people and contemplated prostituting myself out just so we could raise the funds for the down payment faster. I haven't even seen it in person, but the pictures look nice. And, it has a master bath so I can lock the door and hide in the sanctitude of my own commode rather than share it with the other 3 toilet missing target shooters in my life. I would feel remiss if I didn't mention the fenced awesome yard to contain the dog and childrens and the fact that a swingset is included. People, pray to the god of whoever is in charge of this sort of thing that this particular house is as good as it seems and that maybe, just maybe it might be meant for us.

In other news, I got to go to a Sundance showing of Robot and Frank on Saturday with my homies over at Today's Mama. Robot and Frank was, endearing, in a word. The drive up and down Parley's Canyon was laughable along with a few more choice words, but winning two tickets anywhere Southwest flies and a night out with some of my favorites made it totally WORTH IT. Guys, I'm on a dang roll with the winning of sweet prizes lately, I think I need to hit Vegas with all of the monies the mortgage guy is going to give us. DOUBLE OR NOTHING. My confidence level is high.

When I come "up North" as it has been phrased, the kids and I invade on the good graces of Paul's parents. He and I are relegated to a full bed in the basement boudoir while one child sleeps in a pack and play in the upstairs spare bedroom, and the other child on a crib mattress in the master closet. Sticking kids in the closet to sleep has been the best discovery since sleeping my baby in a hotel bathtub during the Superbowl last year. Dark and quiet. You should try it next time you're not sleeping at home. Anyway, let's just say that people like Paul and I (see photo):

in my defense I am wearing very tall shoes, and no bra

should not be sleeping in full beds and if I accidentally get pregnant it's most likely because there was no room to hide from any one's advancing extremities. Let's hope it does not come to this. Also, why cohabiting people sleep in anything less than a king by choice is far beyond my sphere of understanding.

It's only taken me 3 hours to write this post.

High Life

2012-01-16T14:52:00.001-07:00

Everything moves slower down here, and I'm not just waxing poetic; this is purely observational. Even the cashiers at the local Wal-Mart seem to have the same problem. Like the one who forgot to scan my 75 cent coupon for almond milk today and then simply said "sorry" and handed it back to me. I could go to the service desk and retrieve my 75 cents she said. I held my laugh until I got to the car and then drove the 20 minutes back home thinking about how Wal-Mart has ruined everything good in the world, even coupons.

On occasion I find myself without anything to do. You see, Connie runs a tight ship. Things are generally neat and orderly and we managed to keep the items we brought with us to a relative minimum, thus eliminating any extra up-keep on my part. Not that I don't help my mom, I do, but that whole process is really streamlined. Turns out not having your own house to clean and often having an extra set of hands to help with children suddenly means I've got some extra time. What have I been doing with it? Other then changing 5 billion diapers thanks to a case of chronic diarrhea for Triple, last night I stayed up until 1 am watching past episodes of "New Girl" and laughing out loud to myself. The episode where she can't say "penis"? Oh glory. You should be watching that business. We got rid of our DISH in the move. My beloved dvr went with it, and I have since signed up for Hulu Plus and Netflix thanks to the wireless enabled blu-ray player Paul's parents so generously gifted us for Christmas. Hulu-Plus is like the best thing since sliced bread you guys. And I really like sliced bread. Also I've been watching, Downton Abbey along with everyone else and their dog. Except for Paul who seriously hates period dramas, a terrible misfortune if you ask me. Young Victoria? Pride and Prejudice? Clueless? He is missing out.

I've also been taking pictures of my flat, saggy, bra less chest (with my shirt on you sickos) and sending them to my friends via text message "SEE HOW WRECKED THEY ARE?". Everyone concurs and then we compete for who has the ugliest boobs. Too big, too saggly, too-in-your-face? There are many categories, and I think really, we're all winners.

Paul and I are meeting with a mortgage lender on Friday and I've already started developing anxiety sweats over the whole thing. Sure, it's just a non-committal, how do you do, here are my tax returns, pay stubs, and inept records of financial stewardship will you consider giving us 100k+ dollars sort of meeting, NO BIG DEAL. You people who have bought multiple houses, I don't know how you do it. This shizz is stressful and we haven't even started yet. The good news is that there are a crap load of houses out there for us to choose from, most all of them featuring 4+ bedrooms, a basement, multiple bathrooms, and a FENCED YARD! Lord bless this buyer's market, and bless that we find a house and live there forever because I'm pretty much over moving yo. My kids basically think we're homeless and the Nub keeps asking when we get to move into our new house. Kid, you will cry for the days when you used to get as much attention as you're getting right now. You are living the high life and you don't even know it. Then again, maybe I am too.

Making Lady Friends

2012-01-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

My friend Vanessa over at I Never Grew Up asked me and a few other smart ladies to write about how to make friends as a grown woman. If you want some sage friendship advice with minimal crudity (I like to keep it classy for guest posts) here's the link to my contribution.

kthanks byeeeee

if you're happy and you know it clap your hands

2012-01-12T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I'm tall. I can reach things on the top shelf, sit comfortably in chairs, etc. Also, pregnancy looks really uncomfortable for short people. It's not that bad for me, I rather enjoyed it, until the end when everyone hates it.

I'm glad my kids are cute. Let's be honest, some aren't.

I'm glad that if push came to shove, I could defend myself in a street fight. Thank you abusive older brothers, team sports, and years of pent up rage.

I'm glad I'm not a picky eater. Yes, I have texture issues (seafood, raisins), but I like all vegetables and fruits. I am not liking meat so much these days that is true, but I can hardly ever see myself turning down a juicy steak if it were on the table.

I'm glad I know how to clean. Not that my house, when I had a house, was spotless, but it looked like a sparkly Taj Majal compared to some dwellings. Cleanliness issues that gross me out (and that I have been privvy to on occasion): dirty bathrooms with bodily fluids visible on the toilet and floor, toothpaste in sinks, dust/film/buildup on kitchen and sink counters-the corners in particular, laundry on floors and not in laundry baskets where they belong (Paul), dishes with crusty food in the sink (guilty even though I hate it), animal hair, rooms that smell like poop, kitchen dish rags that smell like mold, sticky floors, fridge leftovers, garbage cans that clearly need to be taken out. The Nub is almost old enough to start chores. I, for one, can't wait. Also, this list makes me seem a little pedantic which is probably true.

I'm glad for my frame. Need to move a couch? I'm your girl. Heft around your giant baby/now toddler? Got it. Hard labor in the garden/yard, sign me up.

On a related note, I'm glad my parents taught me how to work. This is self-explanatory.

I'm glad I have green eyes, long eye lashes, and freckles.

I'm glad I exercise.

I'm glad my parents cared enough to put me in braces and shell out thousands for jaw surgery. Thanks parents.

I'm glad my car is almost paid off. Let's hear it for Blazey!

I'm glad for my sister, my brothers, my parents and my in-laws. They're all pretty great.

I'm glad I grew up on a farm and know how to ride a horse.

I'm thankful for my iphone.

I'm grateful for Gus. He's a good dog, even though I hate picking up dog poop and animal hair in general (see above).

I'm grateful we are both employed and have insurance, even if it is completely ridiculous. Are your prescriptions cheaper out of pocket? Because mine are.

Mostly I'm just glad I have clothes on my back, food on my table, and that I don't have to sleep on the streets. Being homeless isn't nearly as bad as those guys with cardboard signs say it is.

You?

pack it up, again

2012-01-11T21:02:00.000-07:00

Well, well... clearly it's been a little bananas around here.

First of all, we moved. Into a storage unit. Don't be jealous.

It's kind of a long story, but the lesson to be learned is that there are many fish-houses in the house-sea and by jingo we will find one meant just for us. In the meantime, our stuff is warm and snug in storage unit de Verbie, the childrens and I (and Gus) have infringed on the good graces of my parents, while Paul works during the week and crashes with his parents, and then we are reunited on the weekends and it feels so good.

A little unconventional, yes, and truthfully I don't know how it's all going to shake out because we've only been here for 2 days. So please bless that the bank wants to give us a loan and that we find a nice little house with our name on it for the right price, so that Lane and Connie still like us while we occupy Sanpete (i.e. their basement).

In the meantime, I miss my friends, and a grocery store that is less than 7 miles away. And Paul. And my king size bed. However, I do have Connie 24/7 and that is a holy blessing I wish you could all experience. Also, when it's really cold outside the delicious Coca-Cola in my parents' garage gets a little bit slushy. Que bien!

Feliz Navidad and all that

2011-12-25T22:43:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas all you internet crazies

my gift to you is this photo

from my brand new, screen crack free iphone

matching jams, how cute

Is snow on the menu?

2011-12-18T23:29:00.001-07:00

I just found this picture from last spring and my heart went boom boom a little bit

these babies, they grow so fast (sunrise, sunset, tiny violins)

and then they turn into this:

and even bigger into this:

"hey Mom, look at my big muscles"

excusi poor telefono foto quality

it's all nonsense, this motherhood gig

so much stress

so many nights without sleep

such a short temper

so often running out of ideas

so much wearing of birthday boots to make myself feel better for miserably failing at everything else

you like those thighs, I know you do...

I lost a little bit of my Christmas cheer over the last week or two, but I think it came back tonight.

This week's top 10 to-do list:

#1. Wednesday, my Connie is coming up to stay the night.

I love it when Connie stays the night and sleeps on my couch.

Plans for her overnight stay include Zoolights and the gingerbread houses at Riverwoods

#2 watch "White Christmas" and "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"

#3. Finish up Christmas shopping-just stocking stuffers and some last minute items of interest

#4. Friday means Paul is off for a few days. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

#5. maybe lights at Temple Square?

#6. Some baking. Because it's Christmas and I need to bake.

#7. Christmas Eve with the rest of the Verbies. I like these people.

#8. Christmas morning. Glory Glory Christmas morning

what should I make for breakfast?

#9. 1 hr Christmas church

#10. Christmas prime rib with my family

Posting this at 11:44 pm

2011-12-11T23:43:00.003-07:00

Hey, I've got a question...

You guys get headaches from staring between computer and iphone screens all day? Because I do. Every night I have a headache but it starts around 2 pm, right between my eyes, right where my stress wrinkle runs deep and rather obvious. I will be needing some botox in that stress wrinkle, probably very soon. It's (the headache, not the botox) gotten to the point where I'm wondering if I need glasses? Because I sort of want glasses to be honest. What kind of an idiot wants glasses? Me I suppose. I want a big, black framed nerdy pair. Call me Kalli hipster with my top knot and Anthropologie sweater. Except top knots give me headaches and my sweater is legit Old Navy. Anthro sweaters pill and yo, I'm too poor to be shopping there anyway. But it sure smells nice and geez louise do I like their knob selection.

Tell me your thoughts on this whole "Elf on the Shelf" business. It is getting quite popular, no? Every other picture on Instagram is of this joker and his antics. Also, we sort of haven't enforced the whole "Santa is watching you" business (or Santa's elves for that matter). We've been rather vague on the details and mostly say that Santa is for fun, Mom and Dad help with the presents, and JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON and all that. Plus, the kid is something of a nervous nellie. Dang, the Chick-Fil-A cow still scares the crap out of him so you can imagine the kind of response a fat bearded guy in a red suit elicits.

I cracked the crap out of my iphone screen (white girl problems). Not shocking and it still works, hey! I am, however, currently taking donations for a new phone. DM me for paypal info, and God bless us every one.

I'm only half joking. MAZEL TOV! L'CHAIM! FA RA RA RA RA!

Yesterday both boys got haircuts. Elise did a great job as usual, and she even got me some product at her cost. I realized when I got home I forgot to tip her for her troubles. The lesson here is don't do me any favors because clearly I cannot be trusted to properly thank you for your time. Elise, I'll get you on the flip side, I promise. Until then... Merry Christmas!

Is it 2012 yet? Because I can't wait to kiss 2011 good bye. I think my brain has officially turned to slop and forget about everything else that goes with it, because I sure have. I forgot to go to my own birthday lunch for pity's sake. All my Christmas cards are addressed and ready to go but I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to drop $50 on postage and actually mail those suckers. Next year I might forego the whole thing all together, and I love Christmas cards, I do! Something is wrong. Perhaps it's the extreme sugar content I've been ingesting over the past several days. At Jill's baby shower I probably ate more than everyone else there, combined. And then I made all sorts of highly inappropriate felt ball jokes left over from Holly's craft night 2 weeks ago. Guys, I have issues, and clearly they run deep. My apologies to everyone in attendance, especially Jill's mom. Thanks for the cheesecake, and the cookies, and the caramel corn, and the candy cane jojo's from Trader Joe's. P.S., Amelia's house is so, so rad. And I'm hoping and praying Jill has a 10 lb baby because they don't come out the V-route (or so she told me) so hey, WHY NOT JILL?! Check yourself because you won't wreck yourself!

I'm stopping now.

My bedtime alarm went off an hour ago. I need to set another alarm to tell me to pay attention to the first alarm.

Headache! Stress wrinkle! Check, check!

Now, treat yo self (treat yo self 2011) to a Christmas card reject photo and you're welcome. Why I made my mom take this picture and why I posed us like this, I will never know. Oh sweet mystery of life!

oh, hai you guys!

2011-12-05T13:21:00.000-07:00

What's up slackers?

Oh, just me? Fine. Whatever. December sort of smacked me upside the head but things really started going batty around Thanksgiving, which was like 2 weeks ago thankyouverymuch. We don't even have our Christmas tree up yet, what kind of a crime against humanity is that? Every year we've done it that first weekend after Thanksgiving but this year is a massive fail. Lame. Hopefully, we shall remedy that tonight. Did you know there's a cut your own tree farm up in Alpine? I just discovered this yesterday, and did a little dance party because hello fresh boughs of pine smelly joy. Way better then a tree lot where the trees have been cut for like 2 weeks already. Ours usually looks like a dried out floral arrangement 1 week in, so I'm pretty jazzed about the idea of cutting our own tree. I thought briefly about getting a tree tag from the forest service but then realized that I know these mountains hardly at all and would probably get me and my whole family lost and then we would all die 10 miles from home and get eaten by those ravenous man wolves from Twilight. If not, the vampires would surely finish us of then. I just saved us all from a terrible death, you're welcome family. You can pay me in sleep, jerks.

So let's re-cap:

Thanksgiving was spent with Paul's family. We woke up early and ran a 5k which I suppose has become something of a tradition. This was the first year it wasn't so cold I wanted to pee my pants just to stay warm. It was also the first year I pushed a double jogger laden with my precious bundled offspring the entire 3.1 miles.

Turns out fighting through three thousand people with a giant stroller leading the way isn't the easiest task, but I persevered and the race actually felt pretty good to tell you the truth, maybe my best ever. We've talked before about how I loathe and hate running and that's still the truth, but it is finally getting easier thanks to all those hours I've been logging in spin class and on the damn treadmill. I hate that thing and I still, STILL trip and fall on a regular basis because I'm nothing if not coordinated. Sure, I can run 3 miles and go to spin class for an hour 2-3 times a week, pump class the other days, but do you think I've lost any more weight? Nerp. Thanks body, glad we could turn 30 this year. Yay for our failing metabolism. Sshhh, yes I still love you, you get the job done, here's a cookie.

And then for the love of portable DVD players and a remote control monster truck I went out on Black Friday. Maybe I jumped the Target line, maybe I paid for it later by waiting to check out for 2 hours. No one has a sense of humor at 2 am, and no one appreciated any of my jokes either. Haters.

There must be balance in all things. I'm not sorry I did it. Nubby is going to fuh-reak Christmas morning. Next year? No thanks.

Paul has been working like, all the time, so Saturday during child nap time I froze my bunnies off and climbed up on the roof and put the stupid lights up myself. I only almost fell off twice. High five! I have a picture of that but I'm too lazy to plug my phone in and get it, maybe later. You guys I just really love Christmas. Why else would I scale a 15 foot ladder in spandex pants and freeze my nibbles off to staple gun lights to my roof? And I'm already dreaming about Connie's Christmas day prime rib like one of Pavlov's dogs. Just say "prime rib" and my mouth fills with saliva in anticipation. It's a physiological reaction. Whoa, big word.

Today I'm cleaning bathrooms, addressing Christmas cards and writing about piano software.

It's a glamorous life I lead but I love it most all the time.

Egg nog out.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty

2011-11-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

So listen, a couple of months ago I got an email from Emily Clark at Winkfotos asking if I wanted to be a part of her Mommy Models project. I know Emily back from a few years ago when she took my photo as part of a Sassy Scoops things we did when I was 17 weeks pregnant with Triple. She's funny, personable, and pretty much pocket sized, not to mention a talented photographer and entrepreneur. I like her. Even though I'm pretty picky about who I let call me "mommy", I just so happened to be in need of some profile pictures for various writing and media endeavors and I knew Emily does great work so I said absofrigginlutely.

I'll give Emily credit, I was pretty specific about what I wanted and she delivered. I told her I didn't want to be photoshopped all to hell, I wanted my eyes to be their normal color (and not glowing, people this is a joke. You are not a vampire, neither are your children). I wanted the colors to be normal and not all saturated. I wanted to look like me, a good version of me, but me still the same. Emily laughed and hopefully wasn't offended and she managed to get it all done in about 20 minutes because I was 45 minutes late, that's how I roll embarrassingly enough. Here's the shot I used for my FB profile pic, you can judge for yourself:

I like it, like a lot. People, this is really how I look when I'm not in sweatpants and have fixed my hair for the day. Bow chicka, right? Too bad that only happens about one or two days a week. ZING! You can see the rest of the photos she shot HERE and you should probably go "like" Mommy Models on facebook, which is pretty sweet because there are giveaways and contests all the time. Should you be interested in your own shoot, give the MM team a call and TREAT YO SELF.

Thanks Emily! You're a gem.

*der, MM gave me this shoot for free in exchange for my glowing endorsement which is only glowing because it's true.

In the spirit of Tina Fey

2011-11-22T00:02:00.001-07:00

Yay, as I sit and work through the valley of the shadow of the eve, I shall fear no terribly written copy, for I shall write it over again, and write it over better I say.

And, as the laptop doth burn a red spot upon my ample thighs with its battery warmth, I shall text message my friends and call them unholy, yet affectionate names. Because we women are fickle creatures, and like to degrade each other to show our troth and devotion. Ye trollups of the night, heareth thou what I am saying, eth?

And lo, though I did eat chocolate pie, and did shoveth my face again with oreos, a fried egg roll, some tater babies, a Sprite, and let us not forgetteth the chicken and dumplings I did bring forth for dinner, I still feel an hungered, and will forage through the cupboards for more sustenance to feed my yearnings.

I suffereth long over the computer screen. My eyes doth twitch from exhaust, my fingers swelled ripe with fatigue. And as I flitter from work to this epistle and back again, I doth realize that to my bed I should go, a tylenol pm I should imbibe, this section I shall finish and persevere again on the morrow.

Good night, fair maidens. And if thou art not a maiden or a madam of the eve, but a dude instead, I question thine viewing and encourage thee to take a deeper look at thy intentions and manliness forthwith.

Until we meet again, at yonder later hour, same time, same place tomorrow?

Farewell.

we'll sip fine wassail together

2011-11-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Oh hey, my friend Holly is hosting a craft night at her house. If you are craft-ually challenged like myself, she has all of the supplies and is there to help YOU achieve YOUR holiday crafting dreams.

You should come, I'm going, so are other popular people. In fact, only cool people will be there. So I hope you're cool enough to come too. We'll see.

Find all the deets on Holly's blog which you can find HERE, and if you want to know when I'm going it's Wednesday the 30th. Boom.

could he have done more?

2011-11-20T17:54:00.002-07:00

Right now, I'm sitting in the dark living room, typing while my boys sleep. One is on the couch and the other in his crib. 1 pm church does not do our family good. I'm beyond overjoyed that we're changing to 9 am in January, because if I haven't complained about it enough over the life span of this blog-church extending past noon is just wrong. WRONG.

Mostly my stomach is churning. I can't stop reading about this Penn State scandal. Shocked that Joe Paterno's sterling career and life legacy is now forever tarnished because he failed to do more when he was in a position of power. Disgusted when I read the details of some of the acts allegedly committed by Jerry Sandusky, to the point where my stomach is churning and my heart aches with pain for innocence lost and the disturbing lengths that people will go to in order to satisfy their perverted urges. No one should ever feel the pain of rape. Not children, not women, and not even men in the rare case that it does happen.

I remember laying on the delivery bed just after I had my last baby, completely exposed to the world, my insides on my outside and everything on display while my doctor did some damage control. I remember feeling embarrassed, in spite of everything that had just happened and how empowering it had been to forego the epidural, to feel the rawness of my own strength and capabilities. Because I had been taken to the brink of death (or so it felt) and yet I couldn't just curl up in a blanket and love on my sweet new baby like I wanted to, my body had to be taken care of first and someone else had to do it. There was no magic pill I could take, no happy place to go to, no way to escape the reality of post-birth events. I had no control over what was happening, a placenta must be delivered, stitches needed to go in. I just wanted to be done. I remember feeling the same way at an early ultrasound appointment after being violated by a very large, prophylactic covered wand. It was humiliating even though no one batted an eye but me. Unfortunately, having a baby means people are continually up in your business. The baby has to come out eventually, which means there's no way around but through. And though it was a low point for me, it was still a situation I had put myself in. No one had made any of these choices for me, I had willingly submitted myself and my body to these events, and because of that it was okay. Embarrassing and really gross at times, but okay.

It is no mistake that within the very source of our most undeniable power, the ability to create life and to experience physical connection with another human being, also lies the most potential for harm. We were given these bodies as a gift, to feel joy and to experience life, yet through this same outlet the most wounding damage can be done. I have a hard time understanding how a person could choose to violate another human being this way, a child no less. I cry when I think about the logistics of such an act, the life long scars the victim will carry, and especially how something so sacred and intimate can be used for such horror. It makes me angry.

It makes me write stuff like this. It makes me vow to never let my children out of my sight, because how could I ever live with myself if someone managed to hurt them in such a manner?

I don't know why I keep dwelling on this. I know the world is full of horrors that I cannot begin to comprehend in my suburban Utah existence. If the allegations against Jerry Sandusky are true, death would be too easy of a sentence. I hope he spends the rest of his miserable existence in general population at a federal penitentiary receiving the exact same punishment he inflicted upon his own victims and even that wouldn't be enough if you asked me.

Gah.

What are your thoughts on this story? Do you think Paterno could have done more? As a parent how do you protect your children from this crap? Is that even possible? I NEED TO FIND SOME FAITH IN HUMANITY!

Birthday Week documented via intsagram

2011-11-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

I am tired today.

And crabby.

Birthday week is apparently wearing me out, or I'm just wearing myself out. Let's just segue into birthday week instagram photo montage mmkeh?

size 5 dipes

hanging on for dear life

I tried hiding, but they found me.

On 2nd thought I didn't try very hard

also, pants are always optional in this home

was it gorgeous yesterday?

or was it just my birthday?

but seriously

you better believe we're still outside as long as it's an option

in other news, the Fat One discovered the sandbox and there's no turning back now

my bosom friend Kari sent me tomato paste in a tube

this is very exciting because PET PEEVE:

tomato paste in a can where you waste 90% of it

my sister-in-law has great taste in birthday bags

I'm going to wear this one on my grownup birthday couple date

to the Tree Room where I've never been

Paul baked me this cake and left me this note

and scrubbed my kitchen

HANDS OFF! HE'S MINE.

easiest family night activity ever:

this printable bunting from Todays Mama (you know, the ones who gave me a free ski trip)

cute right? I know.

birthday dinner at Sweet Home Chicago

followed by cake and ice cream

Nub was more excited about blowing out candles than anything in the history of ever

and Baca and Pops photobombed both of these pics

nice

how do you feel about corduroy?

formerly opposed due to the sound effects

but these may have indeed changed my mind

It's only Thursday you guys. Phew, there are 2 more days of birthday week left. I don't know if I'm going to make it.

30 is flirty and thriving

2011-11-15T21:04:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about happiness lately. My happiness.

When am I most happy?

Right now Paul is in the kitchen baking me a birthday cake. This makes me happy. It's 9:15 on a Tuesday, and the man is baking me cake. If you don't find that scene to be a turn on, we have bigger issues to discuss. I'm holed up on the couch with the laptop, editing the college application essays of one of my favorite kids in our neighborhood while watching Parenthood on the telly. All of those things make me happy. I will be in bed by 11, tomorrow is my birthday. Boom. Happy.

Most of these things are incidental, but collectively they contribute to a greater good, a feeling of contentment even.

Tonight I put my boys to bed alone, Paul wasn't home yet and I was done for the day. Sensory overload. STOP TOUCHING ME CHILDREN. The Fat One has been teething for the past, oh, always. The Nub had no nap after playing like gangbusters for hours at "Ban's" house and though he did protest greatly, was out in 2 minutes. By 7:24 pm it was all quiet on the Verbie front. Even though I spent the majority of my day with good friends, celebrating birthday week and talking in a kitchen while eating cupcakes (thanks for those Jill), I was crabby.

But then my man came home, the scent of baking cakes perfumes my senses, and I'm pretty sure I'll wake up tomorrow in a better mood.

My 20's were hard. They were a decade of learning and hard knocks, momentous and life changing events. I graduated from college, moved away from my family, lived in the sun, made some of the best friends of my life, married my Paul, got pregnant 4 times, gave birth to 2 beautiful boys, got initiated into motherhood, lost a business, gained some maturity, cracked wide open my future, learned how to fight for the people I love, and to enjoy what I've been given.

It's taken me 30 years to get here, but I know what makes me happy and it's all of that stuff. The hard stuff, the good stuff, the friends and the family stuff. Even when I am knee deep in wallowing over some problem or hurdle that feels like it might eat me alive, I understand that whatever it is won't break me. That happiness is always an overriding choice and will eventually return when the problem is fixed, or maybe as the solution itself.

I am happy. I am happy and grateful for these people that I love, for this life that we lead, for the fact that God is generous and free with these blessings. I am happy that I made good choices when it counted and I feel like this birthday is a badge of honor. I survived my 20's, I learned a lot in my 20's. I think I still have much more to learn in my 30's, but I'm pretty happy with where I've gotten so far.

So here's to the next 10.

We'll re-evaluate at 40.

and so it begins

2011-11-15T00:05:00.000-07:00

oh hai guys

it's birthday week you know

turning 30 on Wednesday, and I've announced it to everyone about 6 billion times. Church? Yes. Random relatives I never see? Yes. Family? Yes. Neighbors? Yes. You? Yes. Too much? NO.

But really, birthday week of the year you turn 30 is something special.

To start, my Wendy friend went a little insane (she's on a lot of drugs right now, the good kind) and gifted me a bunch of stuff from our favorite store(s) but then also this jacket that I'm pretty sure is woven from the fibers of a baby seal's whiskers, or lots of baby seals, they are generous donors I've heard. Except my linebacker shoulders don't fit (think Chris Farley) and we must exchange for the next size up. Le sigh... such is the life of a farm girl. And then my mother-in-law, bless her tininess, came up big with a long enough and perfectly fitting teal boyfriend cardigan from Land's End. That Carol, she is good at the gift giving and I love her. You too Ken, I'm sure you contributed something. And then this morning I was in the bathroom with the door locked, girding my loins for the day (i.e. checking the twitter and ignoring my children beating on the door) when I scrolled through a tweet from Carina about this giveaway from Today's Mama that I had entered a while ago by doing this post. Remember that?

you guys, YOU GUYS. I WON IT! Well, one of it, a lits bits of a ski and winter getaway to Park City Mountain Resort for 3 days. BOOM. Happy Birthday me. Sort of bummed I sold my snowboard a year or two ago when we were destitute for cash. Except not too sad because hey, rentals are included in this giveaway, and lessons, and accommodations, and $100 too. It wouldn't hurt me to take a lesson since I learned to snowboard by taking a lift to the top of the mountain and then falling/sliding on my arse all the way down to the bottom which took like 2 hours. That was not fun. But now I shall take a lesson and rectify all my bad habits. Yay. And we shall get the Nub on a board for the first time. How cute, right? My little, much cuter, Shawn White. Twin gingers.

You know why I love birthday week? Okay yes, I like presents, who doesn't? You're a liar if you say you don't. But aside from friends who go on shopping sprees while high, and mother-in-laws who have your number, the best part is the validation. The calls and the texts and people high fiving you in Target (it happens). YES, people really do love me. I mean something to someone else. I am loved. The human race is better off with me in it. I matter. Connie's magnum opus of birthing out a 9 lb 12 oz, 22 inch long giant baby girl sans drugs 30 years ago on Wednesday was totally worth it. Right Mom?

Dang, I just like birthdays okay?

And now it is midnight and I need my beauty rest. This giant chin zit I grew for the occasion isn't going to put itself to bed.

fact: unicorns poop glitter

2011-11-10T21:52:00.000-07:00

Oh Halloween, you were fun.

I sort of want to be a unicorn next year. Don't you?

on the run

2011-11-07T16:40:00.000-07:00

I've driven all over the g-dang valley today, from Highland to Spanish Fork to Lehi and all that frickin frackin road construction in between. In the back of my car? 3 coolers packed full of frozen beef. Lane and Connie were kind enough to kill the fatted calf they've been raising and grass feeding and tenderly massaging all spring and summer and then share 1/4 of it with us. Do you know how much 1/4 of a cow is? 3 coolers full, that's how much. It's a lot of roasts, steaks, short ribs, soup bones, and ground beef. And since we don't eat tons of beef anymore this shall last us a good long time and that brings me great joy. I feel bad the cow had to die. I don't feel bad about a succulent Sunday roast. It's quite contradictory, I know.

The Nub had his first dental appointment today. I figured with my history of extensive oral (snigger) complications, it was high time. He behaved like a perfect gent, all watching the movie and opening wide. Cavity free. Bless. He is the cutest, that is, when I don't want to choke him out for being a 3 year old.

The other one is giving me a run for it too. Up every few hours in the night, walking all over, taking headers into chairs and cabinet corners, tables, sidewalks, pretty much you name it he's hit his head on it, coming out of it looking like we beat him for talking back. I won't lie, at 4 am when I've already been up with him once or twice the thought does pass through. I have expectations of my children, and one of those expectations is that they sleep through the night when they are capable of doing so. The Nub has been known to meet and exceed in this department, since he was 8 weeks old no less; the Fat One not so much. As we speak he's lumbering around the kitchen with my measuring spoons and tongs, whining and crying intermittently because WHO KNOWS WHY? Oh sweet mystery of life, you make me want to scrape out what's left of my brains with a melon baller.

And now on to dinner.

tonight: Rachel Ray's pasta with pumpkin and sausage

say what you will about RR (*cough she does grate on the nerves) but this pasta gets.the.job.done.

Tuesday: coconut-lime chicken OR crispy honey lemon chicken

Wednesday:vegetarian tortilla and black bean pie via Whitney

Thursday: mac and cheese with broccoli and cauliflower

Friday: pizza on the grill perhaps
Saturday: ?
Sunday: slow cooker roast w/potatoes and carrots

LIG on the homefront

2011-11-04T16:39:00.003-06:00

I find that when I take the time to sit down and think about it, my world is quite literally (click it, oh please click it) bubbling up and overflowing with the sort of tender mercies that the crazies in my church like to get up to the pulpit and blub about during the first Sunday of the month. What's the first Sunday of the month? If you're Mormon you know that the first Sunday is a veritable free-for-all where members of the congregation refrain from eating for a couple meals (you may know this as fasting) and then have a meeting with no program. Instead members are invited to bear their testimonies, which more often than not leads to crying and stories about veterinary heroics involving feline leukemia (no lie), the occasional miraculous healing/conversion occurrence, the importance of paying tithing (10% over hurr), guarding our children against the evils of associating with non-member children, R rated movies, shirts with no sleeves, and thong underwear (but really, I'm joking), and other some such topics. Aside from the fact that I still have not actually managed to fast the alloted time in over 2 years, I just don't think my heart or stomach is in it, this is my favorite Sunday of the month for the sheer entertainment factor alone. You should come sometime. Afterwards we'll club you unconscious and baptize you in a secret font we keep off to the side of the chapel for such purposes. You'll be hip to the Mormon know in no time at all!

But back to gratitude and blessings, it is November after all, we should be thinking of these kinds of things. The pilgrims saw fit to wipe out entire villages and populations thanks to their dirty smallpox and other equally infectious diseases, and yet they still found time to extend a (germy) hand of friendship, to smoke the proverbial peace pipe, and eat some succotash with the only Natives left standing. I'm summarizing but you get the general idea. That was nice of them. And since Thanksgiving is my 2nd or 3rd favorite national holiday (Christmas, 4th of July), I am especially overcome with warm fuzzies for their efforts. November is the kick-off for 2 months of appreciation and gluttony, interspersed with gift giving, my birthday, and stories about Jesus. What's not to love about that? Nothing.

Really what I'm trying to say is that I've got it good, I know I do. There is food on our table, the internet on my trusty macbook. We are sometimes not so gainfully employed, but employed nonetheless. We have insurance, however lame it may be. Our children are healthy, very healthy. We may not sleep much at night thanks to the Fat One and his serious lack of understanding as to how that's supposed to work, but we are warm, the bills are paid, and even Gus the dumb dog gets to sleep inside at night. As I always seem to say, my life is good and I know it.

Hope yours is too.

Have a great weekend, snow is in the forecast. I'm even sort of happy about it. Hooray!

ppppppps it's No Shave November for the beard growers out there. Women, take your pick as to whether or not you want to participate. Personally I find the stubble more annoying than not. Jean friction. However, I do love a good beard, have you seen my brother's lately? Nice. His play is even more impressive. Steelers vs Ravens on Sunday. You should be watching.

to everything a season

2011-11-03T16:04:00.000-06:00

Oh, hey Thursday. Funny how you're here already.

I go in phases with this blog (we all do, it's a vicious cycle). First of all, MLAK needs a makeover. It's the truth. I don't even love the title of this blog "My life as a Kalli"anymore. It was 2007 when I started typing out nonsense on here and writing about my hair and why chubby girls shouldn't wear strapless dresses. Now I still write about crap like that but add pictures of my above average offspring for your viewing pleasure, and mine, like this one:

Sometimes I think I should just shorten the title of this blog to MLAK because, why not? Also, I love my hooters and I love the design (thanks Laura!) but it's just time for a facelift and I think I'm over my whimsical woodland creatures phase. Working on it, in the meantime if you know someone who likes to do this stuff for cheap (i.e. free) you let me know mmkeh?

Pssst-Halloween was awesome. And I've hidden the Nub's candy because if he eats too much sugar he backs up like I-15. Me? I don't have that problem. Needless to say it's been handled. This was the 2nd year I dressed him up as something he'd never heard of because clearly costume decisions are all about me and not him. Remember Harry Potter? And a jedi this year? This kid doesn't even know what Star Wars is, and forget about Luke Skywalker. Perhaps we shall rectify this in the near future. Though I doubt he'll care much unless Curious George was a storm trooper.

As of now, my head hurts because I have these braids in and braids cause headaches. I've got to get dins on and go play in a church volleyball tournament at 6:30. I'm clearly thrilled about this. A bunch of old ladies serving underhand, can't wait.

Dinner this week:

Monday-Papa Murphy's jack-o-lantern pizza-big hit

Tuesday-don't remember, I think we had leftovers

Wednesday-asian noodle stir fry

Thursday-fiesta sweet potato soup

Friday- no idea

Saturday-chili and cornbread in the slowcooker

You want my face on your wall?

2011-10-27T22:10:00.005-06:00

Guess what?

Halloween is on Monday. Tuesday is November 1, and then it's time to get serious. I've been in training for Thanksgiving for about 6 weeks now; hitting the gym 6 days a week and doing some serious water drinking to stretch the stomach and all. I don't mess around. I bought Christmas pajamas for my boys today, matching ones. They are adorable if I do say so myself. I'm not going to tell you how many shopping days are left until Christmas because I don't know. I do know that it's time to pick out holiday cards, oh yes it is.

Now, last year I hooked up with Shutterfly for our cards. I've hooked up with them every year actually. We're involved. They gave me 50 free ones to talk about it, and they're doing it again. I like that. Except I only need about 50 more to call it good. What? I'm popular, VERY popular. I personally am a fan of photo Christmas cards because seriously, what is the point of a Christmas card with no picture? Glad tidings? Whatever. An entire wall in my kitchen was covered with the Christmas cards of our family and friends and it gave me a little thrill every time I walked past. Seriously. I love Christmas cards.

This was our card last year:

Look at us, we snowboard! But where did these grownups come from and where are my real children? Where am I? Paul? Is this a joke? Oh wait, not us. Picture instead my attractive family with a baby in a bear suit and another in a faux fur hood because that happened. Oh, it was this photo:

Mayhaps you received one. Mayhaps you'll get another this year. Send me your address. I lost it, guaranteed. Anyway, here's the part where I tell you to buy your cards at Shutterfly. But really you should because they have great stuff and quite regularly send out promo codes all the time to customers for stuff like 50 free prints and free photo books and the like. I've got at least 3 photo books and 200 prints laying around that I got for free because you know, TREAT YO SELF.

The holidays, they're coming.

I can't wait.

I ALMOST FORGOT! The first 3 people to comment on this very persuasive post get 25 free cards from Shutterfly. Look at me making it rain with tidings of great joy. You are welcome world.

P-Town Represent

2011-10-26T16:02:00.001-06:00

Back in September (?) Paul and I got a babysitter and headed to Provo (which has become one of my favorite places again) where we were introduced to Imagine Dragons who played the Rooftop Concert Series this year. Once I got over my annoyance at the throngs of precious baby BYU students blocking my view with their standing around, I stood up myself and appreciated what was going on.

You guys, they were so good. I am not hip to the music scene, not at all, and I was deeply digging what they were throwing down. Even though the frontman's pants were so tight I found it a little distracting, nevertheless I pressed through.

Now I can't get this song out of my head, and I've decided that mandolins are where it's at.

I don't live in Provo, I haven't since college, and when I did I was lukewarm on the place. But for some reason I am proud of what they're doing over there, so proud. Downtown keeps getting better and better, the food really IS something to write home about, and I am certainly a patron of the Rooftop Concert Series -we attended 3 out of 6 shows. The icing on the Provo cake was when they announced that the burnt down tabernacle would become a temple and I cried. I suppose I have adopted the place, or it's moved in on me. Something.

Anyway, that's all. Go Provo. Hope those Cougs can get it together. I miss Jimmer already.

p.s. they are still raising funds for next year's Rooftop Concert Series. Go to their kickstarter page and donate, I did, with all of my monies. So much monies. Monies everywhere. Make it rain kind of monies.

Tuesday=Prime Rib and bffs for life

2011-10-25T23:24:00.001-06:00

Ah tonight, tonight was a most excellent night. For one, I didn't have to cook. For two, I probably downed somewhere around 1500 calories in one sitting's worth of prime rib, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, and oh, pumpkin cheesecake. But don't worry about it. For three, my kids love Whitney and Ethan's house, there are trucks and movies about trucks, and Van screaming with joy, and we always eat like kings when we are there. It is good to have found your salvation when it comes to couple friends, even better when you can hang out interchangeably on an individual and family level because it gets weird when one member of the group is less likable and then you have to overcompensate for the weak link and that's just too much work. AmIright? Not everyone can appreciate the humor in these parts. The only way it could get better is if we lived closer or if one of us was independently rich and could float the other with some extra cash (or a trip to Europe?), but I am happy with what we have and do not desire to jinx it. I wasn't even pissed that I lost the group rock-paper-scissors battle and had to change Triple's bombed out diaper, not a bit. No party is complete without some extreme rock-paper-scissors going on.

After we left I did some phone time with two of my other number one lady loves. One on the drive home and the other after the babies were situated in bed. I love all the labies in my life, they make me feel glowy and happy. HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY. I hate the term GNO or any sort of reference to a "girl's night". Never do I think "man I just need a night with the girls", because that's just not my thing. I do, however, have a big crush on my favorites. You know who you are. Girls night soon? HAHAHAHAHAHA! No.

And now as usual I am up too late sitting in retrospect, writing to you, dear internets. But more for me because someday my kids will read this crap and be like "man, mom really was a nut job". Yes children, a nut job who chose well in the friend department and loved food more than most other basic necessities in life, and you too of course.

Now you know.

Dinner This Week 10/24-10/30

2011-10-24T17:01:00.001-06:00

Monday
Beef Stew because I defrosted the roast for yesterday and didn't make it (we had pumpkin waffles instead). See Kalli, See Kalli improvise.

Tuesday
Steak and Cake at Whitney's
THIS is my contribution

Wednesday
I'm going to a birthday dinner for a friend, perhaps I shall leave the boys with a dinner I have in the freezer or maybe I'll make spaghetti

Thursday
Minestrone Soup (someone linked to this in Whitney's comments)

Friday
Pizza

Saturday
Quick Noodle Stir Fry

Sunday
Tacos or Chili w/cornbread. Haven't quite decided yet. Or maybe some sort of baked chicken because we should have chili on Halloween which is Monday. Who has a great chili recipe? I'm on the hunt.

Nat's Menu
Whit's Menu

Gardner Village, your thoughts?

2011-10-23T22:15:00.000-06:00

Thursday my mom, sisters and I headed up to Gardner Village, they had comped me a few tickets for their new "ride to a witch" attraction so we thought "hey, why not?". Except we forgot it was UEA weekend and were joined by a mob of other people with the same idea. Won't lie, it was insanity. There wasn't room to turn around without running someone over with my stroller which I did a few times. It was our fault for going on such a crazy day I suppose, the crowds were nuts, the babies were cranky, and we didn't last long. We managed to go on the "ride to a witch", which (hah) felt like sort of a letdown. There wasn't really a show and it felt more like a self-guided tour with a hayride thrown in. Honest? $5 a head felt a little steep and an extra $5 for a pony ride meant an unhappy Nub as we walked away without partaking. A pony ride is free with admission at TG Point Farm Country ($3.50?) and we go there often with our yearly pass.

I do generally enjoy Gardner Village. I like the ambiance of the place, the small town, old timey, quaint feeling it gives off. I like some of the stores. I like that you can shop for fashionable womens jeans and cowboy boots in the same place and find a great children's boutique two doors down. I don't love the one and only restaurant and the lack of dining options, but perhaps that shall be rectified in the future, eh? I like their commitment to the whole witch magic thing and it's fun to see littles running all over in costume on a scavenger hunt for witches. Next time I shall avoid UEA weekend goings on like the plague, and I'm only being semi-dramatic. In spite of the crowds we did have some fun and here's proof.

MWAH!

group shots are always so successful

I love doing them

no,

really

is he like going to college already or what?

too big, TOO BIG

roundup

2011-10-18T23:10:00.000-06:00

The last few days via Instagram

you wish you looked this cool

not surprisingly, they broke right after

thanks Paul

Sunday dinner at Connie and Lane's, my favorite

Diarrhea for 8 straight days? Why not!

I swear he's lost about 5 lbs. It's a sad, sad truth.

Poor Triple.

because of the butt flu we all had to stay inside

so,

lots of Tom and Jerry

some art

some trucks

some of the last of my 'maters ready for blanching and freezing

still have a whole bunch that are ripening on the vine

when will the frost come?

I feel like I'm playing cold weather roulette

aaand... my first pedicure in over a year

absence makes the heart grow fonder

who doesn't love a good foot rub?

Bucket List so I can win a damn vacation

2011-10-18T15:18:00.001-06:00

They are giving away a huge arse family vacation to someone at Todays Mama courtesy of Just Ask! and all you have to do is post 15 items on your bucket list. I know you've been dying for me to post this anyway so let's party.

1. Get myself, ourselves, 100% debt free, sans house payment. Snoozefest, but oh mommy do I fantasize about this

2. Get in the best shape of my life and do something like a triathlon (I have zero marathon aspirations, marathons are for the crazies), or mud run or some crap like that

3. I want a Masters Degree, in something rad

4. Turn these crazy ramblings into something publishable, write a book I guess

5. Be an authority on something (turns out, no one respects me as an authority on anything, yet, which is shocking really).

6. Travel extensively through Europe

7. Learn another language

8. Buy a boat, you know, for the family

9. Own enough land for a horse or two, some chickens, a mini horse, a mini goat, and a mini pig. So they can all be friends.

10. Have another baby, or two, or maybe just one

11. Be a judge on Iron Chef America (stole that one from Paul)

12. Own a vacation home in Hawaii

13. Greece, I really want to go to Greece

14. Get invited to the White House

15. Compete on the Amazing Race

Weekly Menu 10/17-10/23

2011-10-17T16:05:00.003-06:00

Monday

Nat's Chicken Tetrazini, green salad, leftover artisan bread
*this would be extra good if you used a really sharp cheddar, I used a blend and it needed a little zing (that's what she said)
also added parsley

Tuesday

stuffed peppers w/ Connie's cornbread (the secret ingredient is buttermilk)

Wednesday

Rookie Cookie's sesame chicken (that I didn't make last week) w/ green beans and brown rice

Thursday

tortilla soup in the slow cooker, served with avocado, sour cream, corn chips

Friday

hmmm....

Saturday

leftovers

Sunday

roast in the slow cooker, green salad, rolls

What if we did a dinner menu linkup? Would you guys be into that?

At the very least you peeps should be posting yours in the comments.

I steal at least one recipe off Natalie's weekly menu every.time.

See Whitney's weekly menu HERE

Amie's Menu HERE

it starts with poo, goes to shoes, and ends with volleyball

2011-10-14T00:13:00.002-06:00

My wee fat babe picked up something nasty, from the gym daycare no doubt, and has subsequently blown out every single item of clothing I've put on him in the last 2 days. Poor guy, his cheeks of legend are so chapped and irritated I can hardly stand it. And oh crud, I just realized I need to wash his car seat cover because that got hit too, twice. Blech. On our way to Nordstrom Rack to buy some new dress shoes for Paul he leaked so bad we had to go to the Carter's store and buy some new sweats, which he promptly did in on the drive home. Oh diarrhea, I wish I could spell you right the first time, but I never do.

Speaking of The Rack, I tried on a pair of knee high-well almost knee high, deep green, softy soft leather boots tonight and cried a little when I had to take them off. They were only $89, which, hark! a steal for leather knee-highs! But my birthday isn't for another month and mama's got bills to pay. I mean, if you're feeling generous I imagine they're still there. Only knee-high, dark green, leather boots with a slight wedge heel I could find in a size 10. Does this feel like shameless begging to you? Good, mission accomplished. I also had trouble parting with a pair of nude Chinese Laundry heels that were about the perfect heel high for me. I haven't bought new shoes in like 3 years and I sort of yearn for the days when my life was all about me and my extensive shoe collection.

Who am I kidding? It''s still mostly all about me, at least you'd think so from the disturbing amount of self-portraits on here, but then there's my bearded and burly Paul (Bunyan in the bedroom, RAWR, what! ew gross), one brown-eyed ginger midget, and another fat poo-shooter with lashes for days and curls that make the ladies go woo woo! New shoes are great and all, okay they're really great, but I like those three things much better than just about anything.

CHEESE CITY.

Don't get me wrong, I still want the shoes. And I'm going to think about them a lot and probably eat my feelings worth out of the stupid salted caramels that my WendyFriend left behind last night, and maybe cry a little but somehow, I'll press through. Because I am a rock through such trials and sufferings, I tell you what.

Tonight I went and played some volleyball with a bunch of women from my church. Sure, I was the youngest one there and it was rather lame, but I'll be danged if such a lack of competition didn't make me look like the next Misty May Treanor or some junk like that. Ego boost, check! A bunch of dudes showed up to play after we were done so I stuck around to see if they were any good. It was decent fun, enough playing to make me realize that the glory days were indeed a long time ago and tomorrow is going to hurt like a mother trucker. I miss having a regular group of people to play with. The year or so of college I played city league with a bunch of friends from my work and we had the best time. Provo City league champs represent! In San Diego I had a solid group of friends that met and played at the church every week. Can I tell you how annoyed I would get when someone would show up and think we were just playing to have fun? Yeah, no. Go home. Not that this is all Olympic caliber stuff, but if you can't keep a rally going then get the freaking crap out of my way. Clearly, we are about the serious business here.

Ah bless, I miss those days.

Now it's stupid midnight and what am I doing here? Messed up I tell you, my internal clock is so messed up. I gotta get to bed. Down to Connie and Lane's tomorrow, I can't wait.

Nanight Stupids.

Ostriches and Groundhogs

2011-10-12T00:20:00.001-06:00

I spent the day with all three of my boys at the zoo, where I photojacked this pastoral scene of a grazing ostrich. Paul's got the entire week off work, and by entire week I mean just today because unlike most people he spends all of his "vacation" time doing more work. Odd jobs might as well be his middle name. Don't get me wrong, I've got crazy gratitude for those odd jobs and their contribution to my checking account, but brother needs some real time off. We got a good start with today.

Say what you will about the zoo, but I feel like Hogle is making a real effort at improvement, even though the train ride is always more gong worthy than anything. Obviously I have spent quality time at the San Diego Zoo so all zoos pale in comparison, but still, there are worse ways to spend the day. I even ran into a long lost college roommate I haven't seen in years. For the record she was 2 kids richer and looked the exact same. She was one of my favorites.

It was a good day, a great day even. Hip Hip for Hogle Zoo!

I'm tired. I've been sleeping in until 8 am or later most days of the last week, minus the half hour I spend around 6:30 or 7:00 am giving Triple a drink and persuading him to snooze back to dreamland. I should probably fix this by going to bed earlier but the impending advance of winter has my rhythms all messed up. I did rather awesome the last half of the summer getting up 2 days a week at 5:30 for pump class and now I'd rather floss with tinfoil then drag myself out of bed in the cold, dark, it's morning but still night. I am basically the human version of Puxatawney Phil (you'll want to click on that), prone to hibernation, covered in a thick layer of winter blubber, and reluctant to come out of my cave unless food or coercion is involved.

Anywho, my man just walked in the door, home from a movie date with not me. Time to wrap this biz up.

PEACE

I'm about to Instagram the crap out of you

2011-10-10T22:46:00.001-06:00

I don't get the Instagram hate out there. I mean you take a crappy cell phone picture, you slap a filter on it and BOOM, awesomeness comes out like this,

in no particular order:

now you know the truth: baby eats butter straight from the dish

one fistful at a time

Last weekend was my bi-yearly craft-fest which happened to coincide with LDS Conference, and as such I dubbed the weekend "crafterence". These are the fruits of my labors.

Please, plan ahead for the skirt blowing.

I came, I mod-podged. Yes.

the bat wreath took much longer than I anticipated

but I pressed forth

oh yes,

I did

I even sewed, these pee-lows and a diaper/wipe carrier for my bag

it was very productive

Saturday we went to the Red Barn, rode a wagon, and got some donuts and pumpkins

it was totally worth the hour it took to get there

eat.your.heart.out.

Friday we drug our kids out in the rain to go to P-town for the last Rooftop Concert with the Lower Lights. But first, Paul was angry hungry and we went to the BYU for Slab Pizza. Verdict: Derishious!

Plus, they had excellent drinks. Excellent.

Downside: too many men in a room wearing skinny jeans and hipster glasses. Oh BYU, you're silly.

and then Sunday I was driving in my car and dinking around on my phone like most astute Utah motorists and I took this picture because oh how lovely were the mountains.

Sometimes I dearly love this state I live in, this was one of those times.

INSTAGRAM OUT!

Everyone collectively hates the new Instagram, right?

Like what happened to my cool borders?

Who do we complain to?

Weekly Menu 10/10-10/16

2011-10-09T23:23:00.001-06:00

last week's menu

Stuck to it M,T,W, but Thursday subbed out split pea soup (didn't get started early enough) for some of the most delicious potato bacon corn chowder I've ever thrown together, and then Friday we tried out Slab Pizza before the Rooftop Concert. Slab Pizza? 2 major thumbs up, except they didn't have a high chair and we were, by far, the oldest and least hipster people there. Oh ye baby faced BYU students, bless your chaste little hearts. On our way out the door Paul and I high fived each other for the simple fact that if we wanted to go home and light the proverbial winter fires IN BED, we could. Win-Verbies. And on that note...

Monday

slow cooker brown sugar and balsamic pork w/brown rice

Tuesday

lasagna w/green salad and french bread

I'm not married to this idea, anyone have any good and hearty pasta dishe to pass along?

Wednesday

tomato basil soup and grilled cheese

always a home run

Thursday

sesame chicken via Rookie Cookie (sorry Charlie, her blog is locked now) w/green beans and brown rice

Friday

homemade pizza on the grill

(told you we make this a lot)

Saturday

whatever I freaking feel like

Sunday

beef roast in the slow cooker w/ root vegetables and green salad

On Repeat

2011-10-06T22:57:00.001-06:00

What's For Dinner 10/3-10/9

2011-10-02T22:04:00.002-06:00

Monday

Vegetarian Enchiladas via WOW Living (you guys, I love this blog), green salad, maybe cornbread

Tuesday

Chicken and Dumplings, yes, again

you want my recipe? I'll have to think about that

Wednesday

Spaghetti w/homemade marinara and crusty no-knead bread, green salad

Thursday

(temps are supposed to dive)

split pea soup via WOW Living with crusty bread from yesterday

Friday

chicken, basil, and bacon paninis w/basil garlic mayo

Saturday

leftovers or BLT's

Sunday

going to a baby blessing, COOKING DAY OFF!

beef: it's what's for dinner

2011-09-30T00:38:00.002-06:00

99% of the time I cook for my family during the week. I'm not tooting my horn, except I am, because seriously who ever would have thought those words could have come from my mouth? Not my parents I'll tell you that much. Just know that growing up my mom said "you'll want to know how to do this when you get older" on many occasions and every time I responded with a tourettes-worthy fit of eye rolling and the like. I'm sure the Cons appreciated it deeply, bless her soul.

I cook out of necessity because guess what? It's cheaper to buy your groceries and make your own dinner, and because I am a crazy person who likes feeding my family good food. Weird. Also, some of my most treasured childhood memories revolve around the comfort food my Connie would make for us chiltlins, she is legendary in the kitchen I tell you, and though it may be a long shot, I hope one day my kids will feel the same way about my cooking. After all, with two boys I'll likely have two daughter-in-laws someday, and I would like to give those future daughter-in-laws a complex, because I take raising mama's boys very seriously. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is.

Anyway, dinner. Tonight is beef and broccoli posted on Pioneer Woman and come my way via Nat (because I just really like her, you know). It was a major win by the way.

this is my best "sexy in the kitchen and here is my chest in black and white" webcam photo, you're welcs

One of the best things about blogging for me has been all the recipe sharing that goes on, except you find something good but don't print it off and forget about it and then can't remember where you saw it and there went that idea. For a while there I even contributed to a recipe blog until we all got lazy and forgot about it. Then Pinterest (follow me? kallikverb) came along and make it ridikkulously easy to find, save, and sort aforementioned recipes. It's the greatest invention of ever. All of the other stuff on Pinterest can be a bit much, a lot much, but for organizing bookmarks and recipes it's the bees knees. Yes, I just said that. I also keep a 3 ring binder full of recipes I've printed off cased inside plastic sheet protectors and I flip through those for dinner ideas too on top of my family cookbooks, my America's Test Kitchen cookbook, Taste of Home, Ina Garten, church ones and a couple of others. It's also helpful if you write down notes on the recipes you have hard copies of for reference's sake. Sometimes you have good shortcuts you'll think you remember, but the truth is you won't unless it's right there in the margin! I have a boatload of recipes thanks to my friend Whitney, you may have once known her as Rookie Cookie, and soon to be great cookbook authoress. For serious though, she is taking Rookie Cookie down in 2 weeks because of her new project and you should start printing off all her stuff like crazy. Try the beef shortribs, they're amazeballs.

Look at me all acting like I'm such a superior meal planner and stuff. Truth? I go in phases. Sometimes I'm on my game, other times...meh. All summer long we flew by the seat of our pants. However, colder weather calls for action to avoid me spiraling down a pit of despair with Wendy's takeout every night at rock bottom. I've been planning my meals on Sunday, putting them in my google calendar, complete with links if any, and then posting "what's for dinner" on the chalkboard in my kitchen. Not gonna lie, it really helps if I have a game plan. Guess what else, you can look back over your calendar to see what you ate in previous weeks and decide if you want to repeat. Did I blow your mind right there? I'm guessing yes.

Anywho, this is probably nothing new to you overachievers who already have a handle on this whole "feeding your family" schtick. I'm thinking I'll probably post my weekly menus on here anyway, because this stuff gets repetitive and we kitchen slaves can use all the help we can get, right? Right.

*Also, happy General Conferencing to my fellow Morms. Do I have an entire weekend menu planned around breakfast foods for the occasion? Yes I do. May we find ourselves physically bloated and spiritually fed. Amen.

my new favorite

2011-09-29T16:58:00.000-06:00

Maybe I just watched this 10 times in a row...

thanks Carina

let's do this again

2011-09-25T00:20:00.002-06:00

Here's the thing,

I hate hair feathers. They sort of make me want to kill myself. Of course I'm being dramatic. It looks great on you no it doesn't!

I long for nothing more than pants that fit, a top with no muffin attached, and a face with no adult acne. Do I ask for too much? Apparently.

I don't know a lot about politics, but I sure do love to make fun of Michelle Bachmann.

I cannot watch The Bachelor. I can't. Hork.

My children, oh gravy, those boys. I just feel so damn SMUG about how good looking they are. I mean really, it's like "mirror mirror on the wall, who has the best looking children of all?" ME SUCKERS. I pray daily that this translates well throughout puberty and adulthood. You know, because life is easier when you're devastatingly handsome. It's just a fact. I mean I assume it is because we all know how that went for me.

I mean, yes, your kids are nice too though, high five!

I've been happy lately, all summer essentially. Not over the top, in your face, jazz hands and exploding glitter cannon type happy, but content and yes, this is very nice-type happy. Which is good because a lot of my friends and family are dealing with some real serious business and it helps if you're not down when your friends are down. You know, balancing out the universe and stuff.

This picture brings me great joy:

huh, what? how'd this get on there
psssttt...
(my birthday is in November)
(I'm turning 30)

and this one too

I want to come up with some sort of a pre-school curriculum and schedule for my Nublet, but when I think about actually doing it, I feel tired and then I think about something else, like cookies, and where can I get my hands on some tunic tops so I can wear leggings more often?

Did I tell you my sister is pregnant? Well, my sister is pregnant. A girl. February. Thanks for asking. I am notorious (only to myself) for pregnancy envy. What? I like being pregnant, I just like it, a lot, and last time she did this I just so happened to show up pregnant like 4 months later. Except this time I'm not jealous (maybe a little), just genuinely excited and even more excited that I get to sniff and snuggle this little lady baby and then hand her back to mama for the nursings and nighttime. My flat pancake boobs will remain dried up and saggly, and noticeably sans perpetually attached newborn. Bless. Does this mean I'm maturing? Or have my ovaries shriveled up and died? As La Yen was once known to ponder "if my eggs fall in the forest and no one gets them pregnant am I still a woman?" or something like that.

I like this picture as well. Did I already post this picture? OH NOES!

mad libs

2011-09-22T23:34:00.001-06:00

i am...

watching the season premier of grey's anatomy, a sinkhole? really? why am i still watching this show?

alone. paul went to a movie with his boyfriend (creepers attack!)

hungry

dying to see What's Your Number

still full from lunch with nat (go to there, immediately, the owner is getting a little creeped out over my constant fawning, and probably tired of the disaster triple leaves behind every time)

tired, hungry, have to pee (but what else is new?)

thinking about piecing a scrap quilt, fall project for a winter quilt, except I don't think I have enough scraps. donations?

excited for my new niece in february, thanks for getting knocked up again stoopid

fighting off the urge to set my garden on fire

so in love with my husband

bonkers over my boys

heartbroken for loss, wish I could be more, do more, life isn't fair

sleepy

nanight

probably more than you ever wanted to know about my menstrual cycle

2011-09-20T14:24:00.001-06:00

Well, I'm doing it,

reading the entire Harry Potter series over again, of course. The last time I did that was in college and it took me like 2 weeks because you know, once you start you can't stop, and also, it was a lot more exiting than the stupid crap I was supposed to be reading, "Theories in Therapeutic Recreation" and other such snooze fests. It took me 3 years to pick a major and by that point it was sort of a cover your eyes and throw a dart sort of thing and that's what I came out of it with. No wonder my grades took a beating the last year and a half of school. It could have been the lack of real interest in my studies, or the three jobs, or the social life that got in the way. Stupid boys. Stupid jobs. Stupid school. MOVING ON.

I made my kids go down for early naps. Well Triple not so much, he sort of missed his morning nap all together, but we had a donut run to make this morning and a class at the gym to get to right after. Yes, those two things are certainly related. Except I managed only to eat a 3rd of my donut and shared the rest with the other two hungry badgers in my car. Good mothers only feed their children quality donuts, like the giant maple bars from Daylight Donuts in PG that can easily be split three ways. I've been back at the gym seriously, like 5-6 days a week seriously for over a month now and I can tell you that getting up at 5:30 am for pump class on Tuesdays and Thursdays never really gets easier and just sort of serves to make my days seem horrendously long. This is also the truth about running. Though I may have been running most of the summer off and on, the furthest I can get without needing a break is about a mile and a half to 2 miles. Sure, I run/walk/light yog off and on the whole way back but someone needs to clue me in on when that's supposed to get easier too because such a thing never really seems to happen for me. Sure, I've done a few 5k's and whatever, I survived. But you people who routinely run 4-5-6-10 miles? You're effing crazy and obviously your body is built differently than mine because that shizz ain't happening around these parts. Also, it used to be that a quick run a few days a week was enough of a catalyst for me to shed weight like a Jenny Craig client, except that doesn't seem to be working either. I blame the birth control, and my out of control hormonees.

Speaking of, let's talk birth control for a minute. All the men are invited to leave the viewing platform because I'm going to use words like "flow" and "period" which might make you uncomfortable, because it makes me uncomfortable. Since Triple came along I've had a bit of a rough time with the different methods I've tried. Immediately after hatching out that juicy giblet, I hemorrhaged for a while, and then had the unfortunate curse of dealing with extended lochia, almost 12 weeks worth. 3 damn months of that crap. Then at 12 weeks I had the Mirena IUD put in with the promise that my periods would "practically disappear"! Except it caused another 3 months worth of spotting and bleeding and discomfort before my lady oven decided to calm the freak down and relax a little bit. So angry, such resentment. True enough, Aunt Flo did practically disappear but something was still off. I was, at this point, packing a good 10-15 lbs around despite my best efforts, I might have been a bit crazier and more prone to bouts of anxiety than usual, and my skin, holy crap my skin was a train wreck. After much fasting and deep, deep prayer, I decided to have that stupid IUD removed and go back on my friend, the birth control pill. My doctor put me on Loestrin, one I hadn't tried before. Turns out that pill is pretty much the same thing as Mirena (super low doses of hormone) and I even GAINED 5 lbs on it. Stupid, stupid Loestrin. So here we are, as of Sunday I'm back on my old friend, Ortho-Tri-Cyclen. She's always done me right, should have gone back to her in the first place. Now we wait. Wait to see if my sensitive Sally hormones will regulate out at last, wait to see if this weight will finally come off, and wait to see if my skin will stop acting like it's a teenager again.

So there's my story. TMI, I'm so good at this, I know. Should you feel so inclined, tell me what's worked best for you in this department.

How'd we get from Harry Potter to birth control? Thanks for coming on this journey with me friends.

(not you Connie, we already know what DIDN'T work *cough cough 4 babies in 5 years nursing is obviously not reliable contraception, snip snip!)

the good ones

2011-09-16T16:25:00.002-06:00

A while ago I read a quote from the guys behind Utah Valley's finest, Communal and P712, about how their philosophy is quite simple: if you make good food with fresh, quality ingredients, good things will happen. If you've eaten there, I'm sure you will have no argument. That is some tasty grub, some of the best I've ever had restaurauntally speaking, and despite the challenges of sourcing local food, obscure location, and doing things differently in a world that thrives on repetitiveness, they are reaping the rewards of success. They love their community and their community loves them right back.

Lately I've been thinking about how that same philosophy applies to life in general. If you surround yourself with good people, good things are bound to come of it. Today I stopped by to visit one of my very best friends who is about to have her 4th baby while at the same time preparing to say goodbye to her own dad. Lung cancer, the aggressive and deadly kind. I cried as I stood in her kitchen. It's all so unfair isn't it? But she smiled at me and said "he's ready, it will be okay", and I knew it to be the truth. She and I have been together through college, jobs, moves, dating, marriage, re-marriage, unemployment, re-employment, births, and deaths already, and we'll be friends through whatever life throws at us in the future. She is a rock, and her example and influence on my life is impossible to quantify in any form.

The older I get (*cough, turning 30 in November), the more I realize how my own life is perfect evidence of this train of thought. I have this family, this family that I love. This family that is equal parts dysfunctional and weird, along with perfect in so many different ways. They are, as family should be, impossible to live without. And then I have these friends. Oh, I love my friends. Friends fall into so many different categories. You have the kind where you can go for months without talking, and then pick up right where you left off. And then you have the kind where if you don't talk during the day, every day, you get in bed at night and immediately start text messaging each other inappropriate subject matter as a way of catching up. These are the people you share clothes with, the people you call to watch your children in a pinch, who show up at the hospital to hold your newborn babe, who buy your lunch when you're running late, who know what your favorite drink is, who fly miles and miles just to visit, who throw jobs your way and give you confidence to do what you've always wanted, who put together family barbecues and let the children run amuck, who bring sticker mustaches to your 3 year old's birthday party, who go to movies with you at 10 pm. These are the people who love you quite possibly as much as you love them. These are the people that matter.

If you surround yourself with good people, good things will happen.

I promise.

Daybreak and Extreme Home Makeover

2011-09-16T00:00:00.004-06:00

Whenever I travel and people ask where I'm from and I say "Utah", I get a little embarrassed. As if living in Utah isn't very cool and basically I just outed myself as a bored housewife who belongs to a religious cult, loves shopping and enjoys having lots of babies. I do like those things, and I like living in Utah the majority of the time in spite of people who wear pants with bedazzled pockets and white stitching (men included) along with their tanks and t-shirts underneath. Will the modesty cap sleeve movement just die around here already? Utah is full of quirks. The fact that everyone knows what you mean when you say "the kids have mutual tonight", or "stake conference is on Sunday", and literally every local business in my area is closed on the Sabbath is really just the cherry on top. We are generally a bunch of weirdos.

But I digress.

People like to think that nothing exciting ever happens around here (aside from Jimmer-mania) since the Olympics left town 10 years ago, but those people are wrong. Did you know that the team from ABC's Extreme Home Makeover came and built a house for a deserving local family in Daybreak? It's true! The episode airs October 2nd, and I know I'll be watching.

You know I dig Daybreak. What I dig most is that the homes in Daybreak aren't your typical Utah homes. Salt Lake homes, and other Utah construction trends leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. I mean I get it, we love our stucco and timber, french countryside, faux finish? EVEN BETTER! I mean, my 3 bedroom brick palace give me a lot of room to judge so take this for what it's worth. In a perfect world, I prefer something a bit different, something you might find anywhere but Utah. Daybreak does that and does it well. Maybe someday in my land of dreams and fantasies I might own a house there, until then I'll just write about it, and dream.

**Watch Extreme Home Makeover on October 2nd at 7 pm to see what the fabulous crew put together for the very deserving Gomez family right here in Utah! I love this place!

Habits

2011-09-14T19:44:00.001-06:00

I sleep on the left side of the bed. Any bed. Left side.

My closet is color coordinated and organized short sleeve vs long, stripes and patterns (of which there are none, a plethora of white t-shirts, yes).

Everyday I wear basically the same thing. V-neck shirt, jeans or a skirt.

I always brush my teeth and wash my face before bed. I don't always floss.

My #1 pet peeve in life is waking up to a dirty kitchen.

On airplanes I always order ginger ale.

Movies require cherry coke and frozen jr mints.

If you call me I will probably send you to voicemail, and then delete the voicemail. I only have a phone to check my email, dink around on the internets, and text message. The only people I really talk to are Connie and Paul, specific friends, occasionally my dad, and an in-law or two. Don't take it personally.

I do my make-up the same every day. If I put on make-up at all that is. Bare Minerals, a swipe of neutral eye color if I'm feeling extra special, black/brown eyeliner, Covergirl mascara in the fat orange tube. Done.

Things I routinely buy at Costco:
1. frozen chicken breasts
2. Pirates Booty
3. wipes (diapers from Amazon)
4. milk
5. bananas
6. watermelon
7. eggs (Oakdell Omega 3)
8. Cheerios
9. spinach
10. food court pizza for lunch
11. fruit leather

I will pay $1 extra just to get my drink from Sonic. Styrofoam cups and pebble ice? A marriage of happiness. Lately? Coke Zero with vanilla. Thanks Whit.

I neurotically check labels for high fructose corn syrup, and yet feel no shame in letting my child have a Sprite every time I go to Sonic, which is at least once or twice a week.

I do not like to be talked to or looked at when I am going to the bathroom. Having only 1 bathroom means this almost never happens; subsequently, this bothers me.

I routinely story-top (when one person shares a story and the other immediately tops them with their own, much worse story). It's a social coping mechanism. A bad one.

When I'm nervous I pick at the dead skin on my lips.

I cannot drive without sunglasses.

NaNight Stupid

2011-09-12T00:33:00.002-06:00

By 11:30 this morning I was ready to sell some children, cheap.

What it is about 3 year olds that immediately makes you feel like banging your head against the wall? There are only so many times I can ask nicely, correct even more nicely, and gently reprove with my best motherly methods before I run out of ideas and do things like throw him on his bed and slam the door on my way out. THIS IS A HAPPY HOME, LOVE IS FREAKING SPOKEN HERE PEOPLE.

It's going to be a long winter, isn't it?

Le poop.

My bosom friend KK had a wee bebe last week (Cali, my namesake by default but I'll TAKE IT), 3 days later San Diego had a nice blackout which I'm sure was fun for them. Nursing a newborn by candlelight is so much more romantic and pioneerish, we should all do it! Then of course, my widdle boy had a birthday except he is NOT little and we almost got rained out. En serio, it poured about an hour before the party was to start and trust me, taking it inside our little red brick castle of dreams was not an option. But the heavens did part and the epic Utah County traffic did subside and we had ourselves a birthday party on Friday night.

Do I still get to claim "I just had a baby" now that he's one? Does that work as a valid excuse?

Why am I still awake, it's 12 freaking 29 in the morning?

Clearly I should not have access to the internets past 10.

Triple F Turns 1

2011-09-09T08:56:00.000-06:00

1 year ago at 8:41 am, I was sitting in a hospital bed after just having had my water broken wondering what kind of crazy I had just signed up for.

Three hard and fast hours of labor later, I had my answer:

I'm so glad I did all of that, so glad he's mine, so happy he's ours. And now he's 1 whole year old, on the verge of walking, a moving path of destruction wherever he goes. Hurricane Fatty.

Happy Birthday my big ONE YEAR OLD! Mama loves you.

it's not winter just yet

2011-09-08T13:56:00.000-06:00

I don't post for 10 days and suddenly Blogger has a whole new interface? I like, is sleek. Let's see how it publishes.

Hi friends, I've missed you.

It's September now, did you know? Of course you did, we're 8 days in. Is it officially Fall? I have no idea. I'm wearing shorts today but we turned off the AC 3 days ago. Other then a few tense moments after mopping the floor and my subsequent sweaty brow, I haven't had the urge to turn it back on either. Before I had kids, Fall was my season. We were best friends, all boots and sweaters, crunchy leaves, soup and pumpkin baked goods. And then I had kids and realized what it's like to spend 6 months inside a house with nary a thing to do other than watch the same cartoons over, and over, and over again. There are only so many times you can feign a need to go to Target just to get out of the house before your bank account starts telling the truth.

*Sigh

I keep telling myself that this year will be better. This fall I don't have a newborn, I'm not a slave to the nursing demons, I'm no longer crying from lack of sleep and begging my mom to come rescue me at least once a week. By all means it SHOULD be better.

Let's just say I'm optimistic. At any rate I am appreciating the cooler weather, yet already missing schweaty afternoons at the pool.

Today I'm getting my hairs did, haven't had them colored since February. Not that I particularly need to, but you know, it's fun and all to blow a chunk of change on stuff like that from time to time. Mama needs a lits bits of pampering.

Tomorrow we have a birthday. One whole year of this guy:

He's still the purveyor of extraordinary rolls, ridiculous lashes, and gray/green eyes that change on occasion much to my personal delight. He likes to eat rocks and dirt, sand if it's available, food in any shape and form. He loves his brother, adores his daddy, and likes to keep mom in line of sight.

I live in 2 kid nirvana, it's a happy place, where I hope to stay for a while.

Number 5

2011-08-31T00:05:00.000-06:00

this day turned into

2 kids

1 dog

5 cars (seriously?)

3 moves

6 jobs (2 you 4 me)

5 years

and somehow it all makes sense

xo Plobster

Happy Day to us.

a mustache for your Monday

2011-08-29T17:37:00.000-06:00

When one has not had a nap and is clearly almost drunk tired with droopy eyes,

one must wear a mustache,

Clearly.

Summer School

2011-08-26T16:32:00.000-06:00

But Kalli, don't you have at least 70 billion things you could be doing right now instead of sitting in your overstuffed and appropriately dirty corduroy chair (5 points for me, I spelled corduroy right on the first try), swatting at a damn fly that keeps buzzing around your head and typing out a stupid blog post?

The answer is OF COURSE I DO IDIOTS!

But it's like 12 thousand degrees outside and the simple act of opening up the door causes me to perspire in such a way as to cause grievous underboob rings and a belly button splotch to top it off. So I'll stay right here, and write a little more, and maybe think not so deeply about folding that pile of towels in the middle of the floor. Hey diddle diddle, I made a riddle!

Stop it.

last day of swim lessons

How is it already the end of August? Where did you fly off to my beloved Utah summer? You've been reduced to imitating the stifling repress of places like Arizona and Nevada. Then again I can't really make that comparison because I've only driven through AZ and NV. I have spent a few hours in the Phoenix airport which, of course, gives me all the street cred I need to pass such judgements. It is hot, even for me. The other day I made the mistake of running errands in a skirt with just my swimsuit underneath and almost had to call the fire department from all of the frictional heat happening up in the thigh department. I should have known better. Stupid. Mind you my magical underwear act sort of like spanx and normally keep such chafing at bay. Can I say magic underwear? I'll have to check with my bishop on that one. Repent ye fortwith, such mockery shall not be tolerated, hence.

I am glad the kids are back in school because it means my Target and Costco runs are considerably less crowded. On the flip-side I am NOT happy that my backyard babysitter decided actually attending her sophomore year of high school and running cross-country, on top of practices for her competitive gymnastics team, was more important than earning $5/hr while watching my kids a few times a week. I am still having problems coming to grips with it. Having a babysitter out your backdoor, who actually plays with your kids (even has a picture of them as the screensaver on her phone), always cleans up, knows how to put them down for naps successfully, and is basically one of the best things to ever happen to you in the history of all babysitterdom, is essentially priceless. I think we can all agree on that. I love Ashlyn. I told her family that they could never move and if we did they had to come with us, or else things were going to get ugly. This is starting to sound a little sad on my end.

Anyway, I'm okay with it being hotter than Satan's nether regions for a bit because quite honestly it's better than the alternative. I start to cry a little inside when I think about the months of February, March, and April so instead I'm going to live in my favorite place (DENIAL) and focus on the fact that I get to keep my tan at least through the end of October because did I tell you? We're going to Hawaii for 10 days. Keep your jealousy to yourself, we've earned this shizz.

Whitney via Nat just gifted me 12 Allred Orchard peaches fresh from the tree, well 11 since I ate one of those juicy gems like 20 seconds after I grabbed them out of Whit's hand. It reminded me of this time last year when I once compared myself to a ripe peach necessitating a good picking. We all know how that worked out and here we are with a plump little peach about to turn 1 himself.

I don't regret having summer babies one bit. That being said, I'm not ready for 2 toddlers. Someone was already in a time-out by 7:30 this morning. I'm not naming names, *coughitwasme.

I will console myself with the fact that there are still plenty more days left to spend at the pool and thusly ignore my garden which has turned into THE place to be if you are a weed. Don't worry, I still have squash, tomatoes, and peppers coming on like gangbusters. You just have to fight through the weeds to get to them, and I'm okay with that.

Oh, and my car stereo/clock just stopped working all together yesterday so now the only way I know what time it is while driving is if I look at the phone which is sort of dangerous and all. Since I am never on time, anywhere, please take this complication into account when extending invitations and making plans involving my attendance. Preesh.

No Merit Badge Necessary

2011-08-20T17:52:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was out picking produce in what is rapidly becoming my garden full of weeds and something must have bit me on the toe because it is all swelled up like a link of breakfast sausage. Why toe? Why? Today it's slightly better, and now I will apologize to certain friends of mine for sticking my sick Shrek toe in their face and making them look at it.

Last night Paul took our 12 year old nephew on an overnight scout campout. It was supposed to be just a light hike in, a campfire, some good old fashioned scout bonding or whatever it is that scouts do on campouts (farting contests?), instead it turned out to be something like a 10 mile hike involving steep inclines, ridges, boulder fields, and all that jazz. They arrived back home around 11 am this morning super stoked about the whole experience. Or not.

Guess what, we're not huge on scouting around here. Paul moved so many times growing up that his records were continually lost and he kept having to re-earn merit badges. The 3rd time they lost his eagle scout stuff he raised the white flag of surrender. Good thing marrying an eagle scout was never on my list of "things I aspire to", and even if it was I would have also had "marry someone tall"and "become a world class barrel racer" on that same list and look how well that eventually worked out.

My own brothers could have cared less about that shizz and I guarantee no one was more proficient at tying knots or building a campfire than those two, or farting around it for that matter. Because, you know, Keisels don't need anyone telling them how to be great outdoorsmen, it just comes with the territory of being a great white hunter. If my own boys want to scout they are gosh darn welcome to go ahead and do it, just don't expect me to get all excited about wearing a wolf pin, or those kerchief thingys, and den mother? Not on your mother freakin' life. Plus it seems like here in Utah especially, kids are always getting lost, or struck by lightening, or eaten by bears on scout campouts. I'd much rather have my kids join girl scouts where there are no bears, no extended hiking requirements, and a significantly increased amount of cookies.

Camping is great, scouting is fine. Let's just leave the two separate and everyone wins.

And now a message from the Nub:

uef5;l55;''89;996goyiuugl]e;oekeeeeeeekkkkeek

Party Time Verbie Style

2011-08-15T22:51:00.001-06:00

Right, well, I've got 22 minutes worth of battery left and I'm too lazy to plug it in so let's recap my recipe for a successful 3 year old birthday party:

1. send out evite 2. invite YOUR friends, because at this point your kid's friends should be children of your friends and that's how it would always be if I had any say 3. Little Ceaser's pizza-3 year olds do not discriminate when it comes to pizza 4. make a donut cake, see:

5. have party at splash pad/playground/park saving you from having to referee 3 year olds playing party games and thus pretending like that's actually fun for you 6. have party at 11:30 am so everyone can go home and take a 3 hour nap after, which really happened. It was golden.

You see, with this party recipe, everyone wins. Grownups get to socialize, no one has to cook, cleanup involves throwing things in the trash, children get to frolic and do what it is that children find enjoyable. There are donuts.

I suppose first of all you should make sure that your child has a summer birthday in order to capitalize on this little gift that I have just spoon fed you in the party planning department. So, you know, get to the serious baby making in like September/October and ending December at the latest. All of you mothers of winter and early spring babies? I feel pity for your struggles. Having summer birthdays makes sweating through the swelter of summer heat whilst ginormo pregnant totally worth it.

Low-key and simultaneously awesome is sort of like my own personal mantra, and I feel that translated directly into this birthday party. I think my not-so baby boy would agree.

On a related note: Nubby had his 3 year old checkup today where the pediatrician (I love you Dr. Wilcox) pronounced him as fine a specimen as he had ever seen. Verbal skills? Exceptional! Handsome? No doubt! Potty trained already? Savant! And such nice skin to boot.

To such proclamations I add only one: I KNOW!

*mustaches courtesy of my Wendy friend, every party needs mustaches don't you think?

uno, dos, TRES

2011-08-13T15:32:00.000-06:00

5 days

1 year

2 years

three years old

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUBBY!

mama loves you

like a lot

for the things I cannot control

2011-08-09T01:11:00.001-06:00

Every time I put the Nub to bed, without fail he pleads "sleep a minnit Mom". More often than not I do, hyper aware of the adage that "these days won't last". I lay my head on the pillow next to him, my arm collects his waist, sometimes we hold hands. We giggle and stare at each other; the very opposite of sleeping in any form. I'd like to think I've memorized his almost 3 year old face down to the very curl of his curtain of lashes, but I know that the bigger he gets, the quicker I forget, and the more familiar I find myself with the same face but as different as it could possibly be.

The hours in my day are measured by tasks at hand. Drag self out of bed, check. Change sodden baby diaper, instruct the other to go potty, check. Breakfast for all involved, check. Clean kitchen, emails, call Daddy, open blinds, nap #1 for biglittle brother, shower, laundry, to the store, home again, lunch? Naps for both, and silence for a bit. Inevitably I plop down on the overstuffed chair and crack open the macbook with the intention of working, only to see this photo taken in early spring of last year and I find myself slapped in the face with nostalgia every time. In the middle of all this every day our lives have begun to unfold.

He is 3 in 4 days. I wish I could say I remember every bit of the past 3 years but my brain is a selective storage locker where I keep everything important without the luxury of an organized filing system. I only hope that the older he gets, they older THEY get, the older I get, and the more full my collection of this life becomes, that I will continue to write it all down and take millions of pictures, even fake polaroids on my phone, because therein lies the assurance that this all really happened. It wasn't just some extremely challenging, yet entirely fantastic whatever I dreamt up.

These boys of mine, this life we have, I love it so.

I'll show you my circadian rhythm if you show me yours

2011-08-02T00:49:00.001-06:00

12:06 am WHAT UP?

I get my best ideas at night. And then in the morning when I try and drag myself out of bed because the children want food or they want to not be wallowing in their own feces or whatever, I hate myself for staying up so late. It's a vicious cycle I tell you. Pretty soon you'll be telling me that one day I'll have to wake up even earlier to get the aforementioned children off to school or to football practice or band camp (we embrace all forms of nerd in this house), and I will hate you for speaking such hateful words. They can get themselves there or not go at all. 6 year olds can legally hitch for rides, right?

I am not good at early rising. It is my truth.

My mother will testify to this fact, as will everyone who has ever had the luxury of interacting with me at 7 am. Having kids has been sort of a rude baptism into reality since newborns and babies don't exactly care what my sleeping preferences are. Turns out, I'm not so good at the newborn stage, really I'm terrible at it. Sleep deprivation and I are mortal enemies. Sometimes it seems like Fatty is still getting the hang of a regular sleep pattern, though most nights he does okay. He may be nigh unto 11 months old in the next week or two and yet I often find myself fighting off feelings of resentment when he wakes up before 8 am, which is always. If the Nub wakes up early I've found I can squeeze another 30 min to an hour of quiet if I turn on Curious George or Tom and Jerry and placate him with a bowl of dry cereal and a sippy of apple juice. When that's over he wanders in and orders "MOM GET UP" while unceremoniously throwing a cold glass of water in my face. I'm kidding, mostly.

Of all the things we mothers sacrifice for our children, sleep might just be the one I value most; all of the blood and jeans that button comfortably are in there somewhere too lest you think I'm not keeping track, because I am.

Tell me friends, because I am genuinely curious, how many hours of sleep do you get a night and how is that working out for you? Are you a nighttime genius like myself? Or do your pride yourself in the glory of the rising sun?

Do you want to see a picture of my fat baby's kneecap? OKAY! Now that he can pull up on furniture and crawl and stuff, those fat days may be numbered. Let's all appreciate it while we can.

our daddy is a good daddy

2011-07-27T21:56:00.000-06:00

I've only had 2 sno-cones so far

2011-07-27T00:15:00.000-06:00

I pulled so many weeds today you guys.

And now, an artsy picture I took:

I grew both of those things, but only one in my lady oven. Look how awesome I am.

All that weeding made me tired so I'm sitting here with a tissue stuck up my nose (mid-summer allergies?) perusing the wonders of the internets while thinking deeply about eating another chocolate chip cookie.

It's late July already and that thought sort of makes me want to kill myself. In 2 weeks my baby boy turns 3, a month after that my other baby boy turns 1, and now I have to go sit in a dark closet and softly sob into a pillow while fighting off the urge to do something dumb like go get myself pregnant again. Uh, no thanks. I'm just barely getting the hang of two. Plus, I still have a good 15 lbs to shed, not to mention the whole problem of figuring out what to do about the weird uncle living in my basement, and no, that is not a euphemism.

But Kalli, you say, why are you always so anxious about the future? A. because I'm crazy and B. because I like dwelling on things that are completely out of my control. It's a fun hobby, you should look into it.

All I know is this:

Sonic happy hour is between 2-4 every day. Vanilla coke is true, the Spirit told me so. I'm still not convinced that I will ever be able to pull off red lipstick, see:

and also:

I just don't know if I'm feeling it. Paul says, "but your lips are so naturally pink you should leave them alone". Then again, I don't know of any man who loves their woman in lipstick so who cares what he says?

I may already be more tan then I have ever been since the summer I got married (5 YEARS AGO NEXT MONTH), which is still not very tan at all. I finally own a pair of TOMS and though ugly, are probably the most comfortable pair of shoes to ever grace my abnormally large feet. The kool-aid is indeed tasty my friends, PLUS I bought a pair of shoes for someone in need too. You are so welcome person in Argentina! I love you! Have I been to one carnival all summer long? Nope, and I don't feel bad about it either. Life is better in my own backyard. My babies both have tan-lines and white bums because I feel it is our religious duty to visit the pool as often as we can. One has a slightly larger bum than the other, but the other is more tan. You can take your guesses as to which is which. I would post a picture but I have a strict "no child nudity" policy on this here place. Plus, I'm not sure the world is ready for the jelly that is Triple F's rear end. My garden is coming in nicely, so are the weeds. We battle nearly every day, but really it's more of an ongoing slap fight. You want zucchini? I have some. And my green beans are coming on strong. Of the last 7 meals I've made, the majority have been constructed with my own produce. This makes me feel generally quite smug really. Sorry, I just never thought I'd enjoy gardening after my many years spent as Connie's indentured servant. Turns out, I'm sort of a late bloomer in that department (yuk yuk) and I LIKE IT, so hoo-ray and way to go me.

What else?

Not much. Lots of time spent with my labies, some new work opportunities, small town parades and sleep-overs at Connie's, trampoline jumping, sunscreen applying, lawn mowing, et. al., etc., and all that. I'm trying to cram it all in before I have to think about the fact that the year is already more than half over. But, my glass is half full because there is no better place than Utah in the summer, and guess what? I live here. Yay.

Red lipstick (that shade? Ruby Woo), yay or nay?

Carnivals?

TOMS?

Do you want a squash?

Is your skin all broken out from excessive sunscreening too?

Let's Play a Game

2011-07-19T15:12:00.003-06:00

Fill in the blank

I feel most awesome when____________

I feel super extra sucky when______________

My favorite thing to eat is_______________ (if it's a recipe you better effing share it)

If I didn't have children I would be_______________ (if you don't have kids, then go check your bank balance, pat yourself on the back, and cherish this moment)

If I could drive any car in the world right now, it would be______________

My one major regret in life, up until this point, is______________

Kalli is my best friend because she __________________

Oh me?

Right.

I feel most awesome when I get enough sleep and when I get the 2 year old to actually eat his dinner.

I feel super extra sucky when I'm paying bills and trying on clothes, not necessarily at the same time.

My favorite thing to eat is a big, juicy burger done up right.

If I didn't have children I would be much thinner, and subsequently spending a lot more money on myself, while traveling to exotic locations like Canada and Mexico

If I could drive any car in the world right now it would be a GMC Acadia. Whoa, DREAM BIG. For Paul: Land Rover Defender 90 or a restored FJ40, man porn right there.

My one major regret in life, up until this point, is basically my entire college experience. Parts of it were good, but I'd like a do-over for the rest.

Kalli is my best friend because she continues to feed me fine baked goods in spite of all our weight loss aspirations. Plus, she's damn funny.

Monday afternoon

2011-07-11T22:14:00.000-06:00

these quiet afternoons, I tell you what...

so much to do, so much lack of ambition to actually do it

It Certainly is Very American

2011-07-05T22:12:00.000-06:00

This is all you need to know about the 4th of July:

This One is All Over the Place

2011-06-27T01:30:00.002-06:00

I always curse myself the next day for staying up this late because it translates into me starting tomorrow one step behind, which then snowballs into me doing the same thing the next day, ad nauseam. Someday this vicious cycle will end ( and one day I will learn how to spell "vicious", thanks stupid), but probably not anytime soon. Whatever comes out of this late night sesh may not make a whole lot of sense so consider yo'self warned.

I will be the first to admit that introspection is not my strong suite. Other people seem to have this deep connection with themselves rooted firmly in the valley of self-awareness and personal growth while I, on the other hand, am prone to thoughts involving onion rings and cookie dough/oreo shakes and how fast I can get both of those things in my mouth while worrying about the wrinkled laundry that needs folded and questioning if I can still fit into my wedding dress (right now, uh, no), while thinking about the cable bill I forgot to pay last month, oops. Some people have the gift of making momental connection and bringing things full circle; I have the gift of the garbled thought process.

But really.

It can be entertaining and confusing and frustrating, or a combination of all of those things depending on the situation. I find it most hilarious when I go back in my journal and read whatever I felt important enough to commit to paper and date; instead of reading how I was really feeling I can read about how I thought I was supposed to be feeling or whatever I censored myself to say in fear that my kids would read it someday and think less of me for it. I remember during the adolescent years how I felt guilty for ever saying I hated anybody so instead I would write things like "Jenny was really mean to me today, I strongly dislike her", which is ridiculous coming from a 13 year old. That's a brutal age for girls and I was no exception. I should have been writing about how I wanted to hang up the phone and crawl under a rock to die when the first boy who ever stuck his tongue in my mouth called me up the next day and asked if that was my first time french kissing because I didn't really seem to know what I was doing which, of course it was my first time french kissing, I WAS ONLY 13! Sorry mom, and yes, I did learn my lesson. But instead my journal entries from that time are full of "strongly dislikes" and "school was good today". Ugh, just like my teeth at the time, I couldn't be straight with myself if I tried.

I never can nail down exactly how I feel about anything aside from those times where my heart is literally exploding with joy from a moment of motherhood or wifery related nirvana (they happen every now and then), or when money unexpectedly shows up in my checking account. Joy is an easy one for me, I can do joy, I can also do relief and dirty pissed. Everything else? Not so much. Even sadness and disappointment get rolled in with things like irony and optimism.

Keeping track of my thought process and the resulting emotional conflict is more tiring than the actual experience itself. It's seriously exhausting being me you guys. I need help figuring out everything from how I really feel about high fructose corn syrup, why I have this nagging feeling I'm not living up to my potential, and most of all what the eff was I thinking when I chose my college degree? How did my kids get so cute? Is puberty going to turn them into mini-slagathors just like it did to me? Will we ever pay off our damned credit card? I should invent something really great, but what? Why is no one paying me millions to write crap like this, it's genius!? How am I going to survive next winter? Do I need medicated? Will I ever feel like an athlete ever again? I want to be a runner, but I seriously hate running. I need a coke right now. Man I hope my car makes it another 2 years. Why do I thrive on the teenage compliments I get on my outfits from the girls in my sunday school class? Is it because I never got validated on that sort of thing in high school? We're out of milk, but should I be feeding my family milk at all, or almond milk instead? That would go over awesome I bet.

Do I have answers or resolution for any of that? No. Well except for the HFCS question, it's made from corn and fine in moderation according to the commercial from the corn growers of America. Gospel truth right there.

Welcome to my brain.

ZONK

Sun Drunk and Random

2011-06-21T18:12:00.001-06:00

I like, no LOVE, that one of the top Google search terms that brings people to my blog is some variation of "can chubby girls wear strapless dresses", which of course leads them to THIS post that I wrote in the very early days of MLAK, back when I had no idea about anything. Turns out, not much has changed. I didn't even credit the photo or bother to black out the poor girl's face. Meanie.

Today's Mama featured my blog a few days ago; that made me feel sort of spesh.

Last night I had what felt like a 30 min gallbladder attack. Luckily it didn't last long and I remember someone telling me that a gall bladder attack was worse than natural childbirth. Having experienced both I'd have to say that they were lying or possibly grossly misinformed.

I made a new friend about a month ago. It is an understatement to say that she is awesome. You know when you have a connection with someone that makes you feel that Saturday's Warrior Circle of our Love sort of thing? Yeah, that's it, except a lot less corn-holey.

Bless this day. We spent 2.5 hours at the pool with my preg-a-nent friend Shayla and her daughter. My kids only almost drowned themselves a couple of times and we came home tired and full of Vitamin D, with a new appreciation for terrible tattoos and bandeau tops. Speaking of swimsuits, I love my new striped swimsuit so much, and it's a one piece! Connie would be so proud.

Lastly, enter yesterday's KSL Deals giveaway mmkeh? You don't have to use it for a family reunion photo because honestly, I don't ever want to remember those and I imagine you probably feel the same. Use it for your own family, or for yourself if you're feeling especially needy.

Peace out, A-Town

KSL Deals Family Photography Giveaway

2011-06-21T00:00:00.011-06:00

I love ksl.com, not for the news so much but more for their classified section. Just last week I unloaded a broke down '87 blazer that didn't even run in less than 12 hours after I had listed it online. I had 15 text messages asking about it 10 minutes after listing it. Ksl.com is hands down, the best classifieds forum in Utah.

KSL has expanded their site to include a new KSL Deals section that features products and services from local businesses, available for purchase at a major (think up to 60% off) discount. It works sort of like LivingSocial and Groupon, except all the businesses featured are local which is completely rad. I major dig supporting local businesses, you should too, you know, if you live in Utah and all. If not go support YOUR local businesses mmmkeh? Anyway, you should definitely go "like" KSL Deals on facebook which will give you all the info, plus they do facebook giveaways for their featured deal of the day. Sweet, I know. I just entered one for a glycolic peel because I'm not getting any younger here people.

KSL Deals contacted me about hosting a giveaway for today's featured deal which is a freaking $59 family reunion photo special. If you've got a family reunion coming up, or if you're overdue for your own family photos, for only $59 the professionals at Scott Breen Photography will make your family look something like this:

This deal includes $59 Family Reunion Photo session & 11x14 print of choice

About Scott Breen Photography:

+one of the biggest studio spaces in Utah

+over 57 years of combines photography experience

Right, so I get to giveaway one of today's package deals to one of you!

To Enter:

1. visit KSL Deals and check out their current and past deals of the day, return here and leave a comment

2. "like" KSL Deals on facebook (then come back and tell me, der)

3. Tweet about it and link back to this post (again, come back and let me know)

That's it, 3 entries possible for each person.

NOTE: you don't have to use this just for a family reunion photo, you can use it for a regular family portrait if you'd prefer. I'd personally rather not have a photographic reminder that I had to go to a family reunion but that's just me.

Everyone else, go check out KSL Deals HERE, and learn more about today's photography deal HERE.

*giveaway ends Friday, June 24th, winner notified via email so be sure to leave yours if it's not connected to your profile

GIVEAWAY NOW CLOSED, CONGRATULATIONS TO FOXY J! RANDOM.ORG LIKED YOU BEST!

and then he decided to do this

2011-06-18T00:33:00.000-06:00

Too Busy For You

2011-06-14T23:36:00.000-06:00

WVC drive in represent!

bike riding savant

I know, I KNOW

plus popsicles, long walks, trips to Costco, gardening, work, and some other stuff; we've basically got this business handled

I love it

this is it

2011-05-31T00:51:00.001-06:00

This rain, it hasn't stopped much. But here's a secret: I like the rain. I find it to be so very cleansing. Snow just seems to cover things up and leave them far worse for the wear, while rain actually washes the world outside my window clean. An astute observation, I know. Of course, if you live in Utah like me and must combine this rain with epic snow melting down from the mountain tops, things start to flood silly like and that is something of a problem. Double edged sword I suppose. Instead of "double" I initially typed "duel" and cocked my head in confusion until I figured out why that looked so wrong to me. Do you often get your common idioms confused? It happens to me more often than I would like to admit. Like once I typed about birds chirping when I really meant crickets. Whatever, you're picking up what I'm throwing down, right?

My Paul has been gone for 6 days. Working in California. I miss him when he's gone, and this is the longest I believe we've ever really been apart. August marks 5 years of marriage for us. 5 years full of extraordinary moments in the middle of the kinds of experiences that someday we will look back on and say "remember how hard that was?". This life we have together often feels like a work in progress I suppose, but we go on together, aware of what we don't have while trying to remember how lucky we are for what we do.

My trial period of single-parenthood has been made to be not-so-hard thanks to a Friday and Saturday trip down to see my dad (my mom was in Wyoming, again) to decorate the family plots and obligatory greasy lunch at the bowling alley, then steak and cake at Whitney's on Saturday night, then a 3+ hr nap with my boys on Sunday, and then back to Whitney's again today for tasty grilled hot dogs and homemade hot fudge sauce slathered over ice cream while the feral children all played together in the background, and the babies sealed their future betrothal with a kiss. Seriously, Violet went for it. Fatty responded by pulling her hair. Ah, the seeds of young love hath been sown.

Tomorrow I have a garden to weed, rows of beans and corn to plant, along with a few more tomatoes, some cukes and crookneck squash. If I can manage not to kill everything, we should pull off quite a harvest here in a few months, at which point Connie will step in and show me what to do with the bounty because like I paid attention during my youthful period of indentured slavery as her reluctant (coerced) summertime canning assistant.

I am ready for my husband to come home. I am ready for the sun to shine. I am ready for my legs to stop blinding passing motorists with their glaring whiteness. I am ready for bed.

Oh, and I got back on facebook.

What?

any more candles and we'll burn this joint down

2011-05-21T17:56:00.001-06:00

the one on the right is 35 today

old

old
saggy

old
old

I kid you!

(inspite and because) I love him so

happy birthday Plobster!

Things About Today That Did Not Suck-Part 1

2011-05-17T16:20:00.001-06:00

Paul lost his phone last night, in the middle of a stupid horse field when he was picking up a trailer to haul some stuff for work. In the dark he searched for two hours, calling, with a flashlight, in the rain, all to no avail. He woke up early this morning and searched for another hour, then I came with him and we searched some more. No dice. The lovely new iphone he's had for 3 freaking months is a complete loss, buried somewhere in a pile of horse manure or a puddle of muddy water.

B to the lurgh.

He felt more sad about it than me, I think I was at the point where it was like, "hahahaha, RIGHT. RIGHT? WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE UNIVERSE? BRING IT!". Even though we can hardly afford to replace it, necessity would dictate that we do anyway, but such is life I suppose? Clearly I had reached the acceptance phase in the grieving process, breezing straight past bargaining, depression, grief, and denial; just like Maria Shriver I was ready to move on (seriously Arnold, SERIOUSLY). Except Paul called me a few hours ago and said that his boss had shockingly offered to buy him a new 4G to replace the phone and just like that, my frown got turned upside down. No longer did I have to bear my burden of stalwart resignation and sacrifice my budget to the iphone gods.

That part of today did not suck.

Other things that did not suck:

cookies never faileth

nor doth this face

Happy Tuesday

It's Sunday, again.

2011-05-15T23:10:00.000-06:00

The siren song of the garden called to me this sabbath day eve, am I supposed to capitalize "sabbath"? You tell me. Anyway, the peas are up to my calf by now since I planted them on St. Patrick's Day (also, Connie's birthday), a second row planted a month ago has sprouted up as well. The onions have poked their way up towards the sky, a few broccoli seedlings have sprouted and even a row of potatoes. I hacked down some weeds with my hoe (not ho, what good would one have those done me?), turned up a spot or two and interred 6 more broccoli plants, 6 cauliflower plants, 4 tomatoes, and far away from all of those, a zucchini squash or two. Tomorrow I will get on down to the IFA for some beans and corn to add to the mix, and maybe some pumpkin seeds as well. I'm sure I'll have to talk myself down from buying baby chicks yet again. They peep! So fluffy! I need! No I don't. We have enough pets around here what with two small children and Augustus Thor the Thunderdog shedding and pooping his merry way around the property.

If you had asked me 5 years ago if I thought I would ever have even attempted a garden of any sort, likely I would have laughed in your face and maybe slapped you for good measure. I got enough of gardening during the years I spent as one of Connie's indentured servants; snapping beans, picking peas, endless weeding, NO THANKS. And yet, here I am; gleeful over a trailer full of turkey poop infused mulch (it's the best stuff, no really), and far too excited about the fact that the gladiolus I planted almost 2 months ago didn't really die like I thought they would. Gardening is fun! Especially when you're not forced to do it against your 15 year old will, or 8, 9, and almost 10 months pregnant like I was last summer. Turns out, it's not so bad. I would do it for the fresh tomatoes alone.

Where am I going with this? I'm not sure. The weekend was busy. Saturday always goes too fast and Sunday is over before it even starts thanks to stupid 1 pm church. Whoever thought going to church past noon was a great idea should be drug behind a car and then beat senseless for good measure. Even so, the outfit I put together for today garnered not one, but FOUR compliments from the teenage girls I so desperately (and awkwardly) seek validation from for personal reasons I cannot figure out. I am so going to go and write about this in my journal now. I would have taken a picture to document this historic self-esteem boosting event, but by the time we got home at 4:30, and after having been cornered by a member of the bishopric and coerced into speaking next week, I was practically stripping off my church clothes in the car. Treats for everyone!

Instead, here is an iphone picture of my mobile via compulsive rolling over baby underneath a chair, with a pile of spit up/drool to boot:

he's cute.

Happy Sunday, I want a do-over.

19 minutes

2011-05-09T23:08:00.002-06:00

...before my battery runs out

Here's how my weekend went:

deep lunges with a giant syringe gun

I helped my brother doctor and brand some cows. Guess what? It was equal parts fun and depressing. Poor baby calves and their charred skin! Poor me who had to inject them with vaccines! Poor mamas who had to be separated from their babies for hours on end! OH MY BLEEDING HEART! The farm girl in me has, in some senses, been almost completely eradicated. There are some who would rejoice in this fact, and others who would weep, or at least call me a giant wuss. Brothers to be specific.

At least this cowhand had some fun:

last year's birthday t-shirt

Then it was Mothers Day which turned out to be a lot like any other day. Paul made exceptional blueberry pancakes for us at least, and then the business of wrangling kids and sabbath responsibilities commenced per the norm, I didn't even get to take a nap which is a terrific injustice if you ask me. Boo hoo. I had to teach the lesson for my Sunday School class (which was terrible by the way, it's all fun and games until someone has to apply and impart gospel principles to a bunch of 17-18 year olds, I suuuuuck at this calling. Why can't we just hang out and talk for that hour instead? I'm dying to hear about the proms last weekend). After that was over there was another ginormo extended family Mothers Day celebration which I'm sure made my Grandma's posterity producing loins of yesteryear glow and radiate just like the tip of ET's finger. Oh geez. The turkey was pretty tasty though, thanks Ma and Happy Mothers Day to you, yesterday.

Proof that I am a mother and I made two boys with my very own lady parts to follow. Mamas for the win!

5 MINUTES TO SPARE!

phew

aside from my birthday suit

2011-04-28T17:42:00.000-06:00

I wear a lot of, um, casual ware I suppose you could say. Basically, sweatypants are my best friend (sweatpants, not pants that you get sweaty in, der). I don't know why but I have always hated clothes that are too tight, too restrictive, and basically too much effort to wear. I went through a phase my last year of college and when I lived in San Diego where I never buttoned my top button. Maybe I had a weight problem, maybe I just hated the way that buttoned pants felt against my skin. Either way, it made for some awkward situations when I forgot to do them up in public.

At some point I got over that aversion and started buttoning my pants fully again. Then I had a baby and didn't work in an office or go out with my friends much anymore, and jeans sort of became something I only wore grocery shopping, at least until I lost the baby weight. Generally speaking, I still only take off my sweatpants when I have to go somewhere. Why? Because they are all things comfortable to me. Hey, at least I take care to wear "nice" sweatpants (call them yoga pants, whatever), not my high school track pair from 10 years ago that have elastic around the ankle. GO BUFFS! Sure did *forget* to turn those in at the end of the season. Mah bad.

I realize that wearing sweatpants 90% of the time may be considered somewhat slovenly by many, and as I am slowly reclaiming my ability to wear most of my jeans again, I will now attempt to wear them more often and for longer periods of time in an attempt to repent of my lazy habits. I am also thinking that I would like to make myself some skirts with pockets and wear those instead of pants this summer. I am all about options here! Would you like to see what I wore today? WELL TOO BAD.

Also, I like it when people break down brand and price so I will do this and feel like I am contributing something valuable to the conversation as such.

gray shirt: Mossimo V-Neck Target $8

purple cardigan: Gap Outlet $14

belt: Shade Clothing closeout sale $5

jeans: Vigoss via Nordstrom Rack $32

yellow flats you can't see: Mossimo Target $14

Total Outfit Cost: $73 give or take a dollar or two

All those bloggers who put looks together for $150 or less can put that in their pipe and smoke it.

Plus, all of these clothes are old, man. The newest item is the cardigan I got at Christmas.

Basic, right? But I'm still wearing it at 5:42 pm and that is the point of this whole exercise. I lost the belt because after a while that thing makes my ribs hurt yo and I am not one to sacrifice comfort for fashion, at least not on a daily basis. So, maybe I'll do this more often, or for like a week or two. I know, you're thrilled. I can hear your screams of delight from here!

It's time for dinner, I have to go find my sweatpants. I draw the line at cooking in jeans.

Kidding

sort of...

p.s. the Thanksgiving Point 4-Pack of passes is still up for grabs for another day. There's less than 10 entries last time I checked, seriously embarrassing people. For my sake, go enter.

Wyoming Peepers

2011-04-26T23:58:00.004-06:00

Curiously enough, a small chunk of my daily hits come from my friend Teri's blog.

Teri and I go way back, back all the way to high school. Even though she grew up in a rival town 30 minutes from my own, we were both selected (along with our friend Dana) to spend 3 weeks when we were 15 at a University of Wyoming summer enrichment program pretending to be college students and making up stupid dances to the Spice Girls at 1 o'clock in the morning. We were the three musketeers, four if you count our friend Chelsea who looked nothing like how a 15 year old girl should. Let's just say she was not lacking in the stacked department, neither in blonde, leggy, or beautiful. Basically, out of the four of us, I won the awkward, mid-pubescent troll award hands down. I don't miss those days at all.

Anywho, aside from all that we had a lot of fun during those three weeks. And even though during basketball and volleyball season we were sworn enemies, once the game was over that stuff didn't matter, much. Though I think out of all of us Teri was the most competitive over the whole thing. Teri got married right out of high school, she's been married for 10 years now with three beautiful daughters and a brave Army helicopter pilot husband who used to harass my brother from the stands. I think he even got thrown out of the game a few times if I remember right. Nice. We stay in touch, read each other's blogs mostly. She still looks the same as she did to me when we were in high school, sans Levi Silvertab jeans and androgynous clothes that we all sported back in those days.

Getting to the point here, Teri is cool, aside the fact that she's from Lovell, Wyoming (ZING!). I don't really stay in touch with many other people from my semi-not-really-much-at-all-beloved- home state, but for one reason or another, I have seem to have a good following of people who click over daily to read my blog via Teri's blog.

If this is you, I'm curious as to who you are exactly? So please, by all means leave a comment and say hello. I won't hold Wyoming against you. At least not entirely. If you out yourself as the blog stalker that you are (embrace it, we all do it), I might even reward you by posting a picture of the three (four?) of us from those days and you, and the rest of my readers, can get up close and personal with Slagathor the Snaggle Toothed Wonder Girl in person.

* If you DON'T live in Wyoming and are closer to Utah then you should probably enter the TG Point Gardens Pass Giveaway HERE

Do They Make Baby Ambien?

2011-04-25T23:37:00.000-06:00

Hi Hi Hi

I am off to bed so I'll keep this quick.

The last few weeks have basically sucked sleep-wise thanks to a bloody ( as in the british swear, not literally) ear infection for Mr. Fatty, resulting sleep pattern interruption, and then a decision that we were done swaddling this kid and subsequent continued sleep pattern interruption. For the love of cream he weighs 25 lbs! He should learn how to sleep without being bound up like a sumo papoose.

But anyway, I'll survive, I think. Once I manage to get myself functioning again in the mornings after a night of stumbling back and forth across the hall, I chew on his cheeks and feel better about the fact that I have to prop my eyelids open with toothpicks because that butter boy is a delicious daily snack that I partake of in large doses, so, totally worth it.

That being said, if you want to volunteer a few (like 10) hours of your night to come comfort him when he wakes up in shock face down in his crib because he rolled over that way, I am accepting applications. Better yet, if you want to take him to your house so the rest of us can sleep, I will certainly consider legitimate offers (not really, unless your name is Connie or Baca, then yes really).

Thanksgiving Point 4-Pack Giveaway

2011-04-25T15:54:00.003-06:00

My pals at Thanksgiving Point have decided to hook one of you lucky peeps up again with a family 4-pack of tickets to visit their extensive gardens, which is especially sweet since the Tulip Festival has been extended to May-7th.

New this year is a Tulip Princess Tea Party included in regular admission held on the last day (May 7th) for all who come. Free cookies and lemonade are provided (say no more) and there will also be a tulip inspired mini-fashion show, and kid games for the littles. RSVPs are appreciated at publicevents2@thanksgivingpoint.org or (801) 766-5018.

From the press release:

In addition to the colorful blooms, Thanksgiving Point’s Tulip Festival will include music from local bands, bagpipers and string quartets, craft vendors and food every Friday and Saturday including the extended weekend of May 6-7. Other family-fun activities will take place throughout the festival:

Old Dutch Store’s Dutch Day will be held on Saturday, April 23, with Idlewild and the Accords performing authentic Dutch tunes and celebrating the Holland experience.
Guest photo contest will be judged by Thanksgiving Point Facebook fans. The winning photo will be published in the Thanksgiving Point Gazette and the winner will receive an annual membership to Thanksgiving Point.
An exhibit featuring photo contest entries and winners from 2010 will be on display throughout the festival.
Daily garden tours and demonstrations are included with admission.

Thanksgiving Point Tulip Festival is included with regular Gardens admission. Hours are 10 a.m. to 8 p.m., Monday-Saturday, through May 7. Entrance is $10 for adults, $9 for seniors, $6 for children aged 3-12 and free for Thanksgiving Point members and children under 2 years. Tickets can be purchased at the Thanksgiving Point Gardens, over the phone at (801) 768-4900, or online at thanksgivingpoint.org.

Leave a comment for a chance to get down with that

you may have extra entries for

1. tweeting (please include link to the post)

2. posting on facebook

for a total of three entries possible

Giveaway ends on Friday, May 29th at 12pm, winner notified via email so make sure your blogger profile is connected, or leave your email on the comment.

**If you're curious about my policy on giving out free stuff: for me to want to do a giveaway on MLAK, the business or product has to either be local (I support local businesses, or in this case, non-profit organizations!), or something that I myself would use and is therefore awesome and personally relevant. Otherwise, I won't prostitute myself out for it. Now you know.

Good luck!

GIVEAWAY NOW CLOSED

Congrats to comment #5 NATALIE!!

Easter Weekend

2011-04-22T16:41:00.001-06:00

I will certainly be getting my Easter grub on this weekend. I'll be the one knocking over the toddlers and small children during the egg hunt in an effort to get to the peanut butter eggs first, because that's how I roll.

But all of that is certainly secondary to the purpose of Easter, and don't think I've forgotten about it for a minute. I don't know what your religious affiliation is, to be honest I don't care, it's all good to me. But I want you to know that I have a personal testimony of Jesus Christ. I am thankful every single day for the life that He lived and willingly gave up so that I might have the opportunity to be with my family forever.

Happy Easter. May your ham and rolls be delicious, and your heart as full of gratitude as mine.

Art Happens

2011-04-14T16:14:00.000-06:00

sometimes you just can't fight the creative urge

(hold off on calling DCFS, the red pencil washed right off)

Metamucil Shooters?

2011-04-12T00:05:00.000-06:00

I am up too late, again. And why?

Are you able to function like a normal person when you receive less than 8 hours? Every since the Fat One showed up I've had an especially difficult time getting myself together and holding myself together throughout the day. He's 7 months now (SERIOUSLY), and knocking out a solid 10 or so consecutive hours a night, but for some reason I cannot get my sleep cycle business/circadian rhythms all in alignment. I'm going to go ahead and blame the extra 10 lbs I'm still holding on to for dear life, makes sense, right? I wish I could tell you that I was doing everything in my power to get rid of it, but the cookie dough and mini eggs I ate an hour ago would dictate otherwise.

Major burn right there.

I tell you, something has got to give.

Tomorrow I am leaving my children with a teenaged baby sitter while I run away for a few hours. Am I nervous about it? Sort of, but only because she was grossed out by the baby barf dripping down my dress as we sat chatting in the hallway at church on Sunday. Baby barf of the milky kind does not phase me much anymore. Of the chunky kind? Well that's a different story now. But I know she's capable and I get the chance to wear barf-free dress up clothes for a few hours so I think we'll all be just fine.

I have reached the point in my life where I am hiring teenaged baby sitters to watch my children and I feel like I should mark the occasion by upping my fiber intake or something. I was talking with my soon to be 16 year old niece on Sunday as well and told her I couldn't even remember what I did for my 16th birthday, then I asked her if that meant I was old. She said yes.

Dang.

Here's the problem: I still want the teenagers to think I'm cool. I want them to tell me they like my outfits and ask where I got my shoes (one did, I'm still high off of that compliment 3 weeks later). I care more about teenage opinions now than I did when I was a teenager myself. How messed up is that? Next thing you know I'm going to start shopping in the tween section (Justin Beiber much?) and trot around wearing jeans with bedazzled rhinestone pockets in an attempt to let the world know that I'VE STILL GOT IT. Except, memo to the women over 40 in my area: rhinestones are never okay for anyone. Unless you're Dolly Parton, or Dolly Parton in drag. Then go right ahead, the world is your oyster.

So anyway, basically I don't know what crowd I fit into anymore. My whole identity is under construction. Now it's way past my bedtime for sure, there's one vote for old.

I still hate Gold's Gym

2011-04-07T23:40:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I left that picture of my nostrils up there for an entire week.

And, you're welcome.

I sat down to work when I got home from the gym after putting the childrens to bed, but for some reason, the part of my brain that handles that business isn't responding. So instead you get me, and this. Again, you're welcome.

The gym at night, man, that's a treat isn't it? So many weirdos to look at, so much tripping off the treadmill as a result. Also, who is the genius behind attaching the mini t.v. to the treadmill itself? I can't decide whether to thank them or send them my optometry bill for going cross-eyed. That being said, an episode of SVU sure makes the time go faster. So what if I almost fall off 3 different times and can't see straight after? Totally worth it. One time when I lived in San Diego, I was walking on one of those tread climber things and I actually really did fall off. Good thing it was 2 a.m. and only one other person was there to laugh at me. Turns out those things require intense amounts of concentration, I learned that the hard way and now you know.

You know what else? Full length gym mirrors are doing nothing for my self esteem. Especially when I'm trying to follow along my nike fitness app workout and doing crazy frog hops and just so happen to notice that the heather gray yoga pants were a bad choice, seeing as how they are prone to highlighting the sweat marks in unfortunate crevices. Also, turns out nursing two babies means I should get a more supportive sports bra because my boobs are officially swinging saggly, friends.

Tonight was a night chock full of self-awareness I guess.

And now, some breakdancing:

Change Up

2011-03-31T16:48:00.000-06:00

You guys, it's Thursday. I've hit that point in the week where I don't care much for anything except for how fast tomorrow will come and when do I get to put my kids to bed? In spite of my own personal resignations I've managed to stay pretty on top of things this week. Exercised every day? Check. Edible meals on the table? No extraneous spending? Double check. Children fed and cared for? Check Check. Daily shower before noon? Miracle check. Nap schedule enforced? Check. Work completed? Check. Measurable time spent NOT wearing sweatpants. When has this happened in the last 12 months, check.

I mean really, it looks like I have things under control, and I suppose I do friends. But man, sometimes control can turn into a snoozefest, especially when the weather has been all menopausal lately. Case in point, I took the boys out for a quick yog on Monday, thinking the snow wasn't supposed to hit until later. I was mistaken and was soon penitent for my colossal misjudgment as I sprinted 2 miles home in the sideways blowing precipitation. We finally made it home and after a few minutes passed in which I contemplated throwing up, because guys, sprinting 2 miles at panic-speed is a lot different than casually jog/walking them let me tell you what, my eyes un-crossed and I took a hot shower to warm up. The children? They were fine. Fortunately I had remembered to dress them warmly, pad them with blankets, and even one for the top. They were tented in. I even clothes pinned the top one on because I am not so serious about the yogging to have invested in a rain cover or anything smart like that. Why am I even telling you this story? Oh yes, to demonstrate how desperate we can get for a change of scenery. Enough so that we're willing to play chicken with some storm clouds. Obviously that was one gamble that did not pay off for me. Neither did that one time I hit the garage with my mom's van when I totes thought I had it cleared. Nope. No dice. A career in Vegas likely will likely remain out of reach.

Thankfully, the sun came out today for a bit. The park was nice. The boys took naps. I put off my work until later and watched "Castle"on the DVR, then decided to write out this bit of nothing as well. Oh, and then I took some pictures of myself on photobooth because what else is there to do?

raise the roof

I am very serious about this
very serious
and somewhat mournful

you really could fit a couple of quarters up there
and no, I've never tried

So that's it I suppose. Happy Confrince weekend for all you fellow Morms out there. I'm making crepes for breakfast on Sunday.

Because I can.

This Factory is Temporarily Out Of Service

2011-03-27T22:32:00.002-06:00

Tonight I've been killing time while my nails dry (again, I wash a lot of dishes so these home manicures don't last so long), watching "The Proposal" on free preview Starz (Ryan Reynolds: boiiiiiing!!), and hip-hopping around the internets. In my journeys I visited the blogs of several family members, a few friends, and then you know, random people they link to on their sidebars. It's Saturday night, I'm allowed. The oreos and milk? Also allowed. The weekends are judgement free zones at the Verbie house. In about 10 minutes when this movie is over, we're going to pack this laptop back to the bedroom and watch another movie because why shouldn't we? Movies in bed with your husband on the weekend are pretty much mandatory when you can. Last night we watched "The Fighter" with helloooo Marky Mark (hey donkey) (there are a lot of parentheses in this post) (sorry), and an almost unrecognizable Christian Bale. I guess it won tons of awards, maybe one of them was for most bad words (SORRY MOM), either way it was pretty good.

Anyway, back to the random stranger blogs. I read a few posts a mom wrote about her 10 month old baby daughter and found myself getting all misty eyed because babies man, they grow up SO FAST! We have had our fill of babies this year. Remember how I told you that all of my immediate siblings, myself included, welcomed a new baby in the past year? Yes, lots of babies. Babies everywhere! We love to reproduce apparently. As such, I'm thinking it might be a few years before any of us decides to pop out anymore so I have been clutching onto my Fatty for dear life.

Don't get me wrong. These babies, they are a lot of work. The newborn stage is not so much my strong suite. Now that he's 6.5 months old, I think we've finally found our groove. Naps are regular, nights are mostly uninterrupted, nursing is no longer my own personal hell. He laughs, he rolls incessantly, his hairs have grown back. My heart goes pitter patter for his gummy smile and drool laden kisses.

What can I say? It's love. True love.

It's now 12:35

2011-03-23T00:36:00.000-06:00

Listen, it is 11:53 in the pm and I am still awake which is a problem. But I just painted my fingernails, which was dumb, thus proving that after 11 p.m. I can't be held responsible for my own actions and there you go. I'm supposed to be working, which obvs isn't happening. The window is open in my browser, does that count? I think I'm all wired because once the fruits of my loins were in bed, I went to the gym and ran 3ish miles. I sort of walked or held onto the side rails for dear life for part of that, but you have to start somewhere, right? RIGHT. Battlefats '11! I'm serious this time, mostly.

I feel like I've been a good mom lately. The Fat One has been sleeping in measurable quantities, which means I've been sleeping in measurable quantities, which equals up to happiness all around. The Nub, well, he's hilarious basically. Except for the part where he rudely barges in on me toweling off after the shower and slaps my butt cheeks like they're bongos or something and says "shake your bunnies Mom!" and then asks where my ding ding is. I have yet to respond with an acceptable answer on that one. Or even better, when you ask him what his name is and he smiles and says, "Jesus". Wow, really? And all along I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT THIS ONE! Never mind that sometimes he paints his face and not accidentally either.

Gah. He's the best.

Don't forget about the CSN giveaway. Last time I checked there were only 28 entries which, you know is awesome for those people, but what's the matter with the rest of you? You don't have to buy lights. CSN has like a jillion different "stores" with just about everything you can imagine. It's like Amazon, but maybe better because if you win you get $55 for FREE! I myself have decided to put my cash toward either a new convertible car seat for the Heavy One, or a cast iron skillet for ME, or maybe a rug to go under my kitchen table. Have I ever told you that I'm terrible at making decisions? Shizz man.

Anyway, go enter if you haven't already. I like you. The End.

She's Part Leprechaun

2011-03-17T10:52:00.001-06:00

Hip Hop And Hooray!

It's my Connie's birthday today!!

I love this lady (obvs), and look, she can still rock a diaper bag.

Mom,

thanks for being my bff, my mama, the best grandma to my kids, my hero, and all that I ever hope to be

someday.

you are the wind beneath my wings, and all that stuff.

xoxo

Happy Birthday/St. Patrick's Day!!!

psst... don't forget to enter the CSN Giveaway

Sprucing Up For Spring Giveaway

2011-03-16T22:05:00.003-06:00

I live in a house full of random light fixtures. The blame for this sad travesty can be heaped upon the shoulders of the crazy incompetent who tried to renovate this joint several years before we ever moved in. Seriously, the guy thought 20 can lights in the kitchen was a great idea (it wasn't) and also never finished what he started, so about 10 of those lights are just bulbs in a hole. It's charming, and by charming I mean ridiculous. And don't even get me started on the outdoor lighting. Let's just say motion lights that activate willy nilly are doing not a whole for my irrational fears involving a scenario where I am murdered in my bed with a rusty hook. We should probably get that worked out, before I take to sleeping with a rape horn, or carving knife. Can you imagine what would happen if Paul tried to make a move and I was thus prepared? I mean seriously...

Maybe your light situation is a bit more, erm, classy then mine, but I bet you'd jump at the chance to win some free cash you could use to give your surroundings a spring facelift, I know I would. Lucky for you, CSN stores to the rescue! They are offering one of you lucky commenters $55 to spend at any of their variety of stores. You don't even have to buy lights with it if you don't want to. They were nice enough to give me some cash too so I will be rectifying the light situation promptly.

All you gotta do to enter is leave a comment. That's it. I'll choose a winner next Thursday and notify via email.

(so you better make sure your email is associated with your blogger profile, or leave your email address on your comment because if you don't that sucks for you)

AND GO!

***UPDATE! The giveaway is now CLOSED.

Thanks for entering! Random.og told me the winner was #29 Caitlyn from Cat+Tadd=Sam :-)

What we do on Fridays

2011-03-11T15:54:00.001-07:00

we eat chips and watch Tom and Jerry

(and play with photo booth)

that's all.

Cheeky Monkey

2011-03-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

Geez, has it been boring around these parts or what? I can hear the birds chirping from here. I keep meaning to get on this business and post something of value but then I remembered that this is me we're talking about, and went ahead and had a good laugh. Oh, I kill myself, I do.

Tomorrow is Friday which also happens to be Mr. Fatty's 6 month check-up. That's right, the plump one had his happy half birthday on Wednesday which entailed a lot of the same thing he does every other ordinary day so I suppose he didn't think it was that big of a deal. I know at some point I'll have to give him a more PC nickname, but until he stops being something other than a fat cherub, I am not going to worry myself over it. Bless his rolls, I love that kid. And besides, good nicknames sort of present themselves. You can't just bestow them randomly. Am I right or am I right? I'm right.

In honor of his midway to one mark, I present the following:

Life is good around here friends, yes it is.

Stay tuned, I may or may not have a giveaway in the works in the next week or so. It might be a good one. I mean nothing like the stuff PW or heck, even Vanessa (I was a winner!) can drum up, but good enough for MLAK indeed.

30 Strangers 2011

2011-03-06T21:19:00.001-07:00

Remember last year when Connie and I got called in to pinch hit for Justin Hackworth and his 30 Strangers 2010 project?

Yeah, that was cool. And lucky. We didn't make the first cut, but then someone backed out. The rest is history. Like I said before, the chance to have beautiful photos of my mother and I taken together by someone as talented as Justin (and for an excellent cause) was one I would have been crazy to turn down, even if my hair style at the time was sort of, special, in a growing it out sort of way. But I digress.

It's now that time again, 30 Strangers 2011 is here. Last time I checked Justin's blog there were 355 entries for this year. The odds are long friends, but not impossible, so go on over, read up on why he does it in the first place, and throw your hat in the ring.

You won't regret it.

Proof That Snow Never Helped My Cause

2011-03-03T23:11:00.005-07:00

I finally made it back to my house yesterday afternoon. Home from our escapade in Lake Tahoe, and when I say escapade, I mean escapade, on Sunday. Then a few days of not-so-single parenting at my parent's house while Paul finished up some work back in California. Having Connie and Lane around 24-7 is rather handy you know. Especially when the bedroom you are sleeping in is downstairs while all the children sleep upstairs by their grandparents. This all equals out to more sleep for you, and as thusly, is awesome.

Back to the escapading; we arrived into Reno about 9:30 pm Thursday night. After procuring the rental car and talking the man into upgrading us from clown car to Camry, we headed to the Wal-Mart for provisions. We also secured some chains for ourselves though the weather seemed fairly non-threatening and hey, we could always return them, right? Wrong. 8 miles up the road I sat in the nice heated car taking pictures and eating twizzlers while Paul did this:

Welcome to Donner Pass! Turns out the biggest snowstorm of the year arrived the same night we did. Of course.

45 minutes later we were allowed through the chain checkpoint and trundled our way on up though the mountain. The closer we got to the lake, the heavier the snow fell, and the more cars we saw sliding off the road. Here is my question, why do they even sell rear-wheel drive SUV's? Let's file that under "questions I will never ever know the answer to, ever". By some miracle we finally made it to the community where our lodgings were located. To find our place the directions were to "turn right at the second cul-de-sac after the tennis courts". Except we couldn't make out the tennis courts, or anything else for that matter. We crept down an un-plowed road only to end up at the bottom of a very steep, very snow covered hill, in the middle of the dang night, with no one, and I mean no one, around. And then we realized the lake, you know, LAKE TAHOE was lapping to shore rather loudly right outside my window as if to say, "hey guys! come on in for a little swim!".

So let's recap; big hill, middle of the night, blizzard conditions, lake, very slippery, Toyota Camry, COMPLETELY LOST, zero visibility, possibility of plunging said Camry into frigid lake very high, NOT GOOD (caps for emphasis)!

Bless Paul, at this point I was laughing maniacally in a crazy sort of HEY WE MIGHT DIE HERE sort of way and I'm sure he wanted to go ahead and throw me in the lake anyway. After several attempts to get the Camry up the hill, and an equal amount of failed and quite terrifying slides back down, we eventually got as far up as we could, said a desperate prayer, and then I jumped out, wedged my feet into a snowbank, told Paul to drop it into 3rd and we'd see if I could give her a little push for leverage (since Paul and his big guns were busy trying to keep us from sliding to impending doom). And you know what? It worked. Me and my superwoman muscles handled that business. WYOMING REPRESENT, and suck on that hill of death and snow. The moral of this story is I am awesome and prayer can outfit you with some brute strength when you need it. Amen.

The next 24+ hours looked like this:

7 am Friday morning, much, much more snow to follow

Once we finally made it to our cabin, essentially we didn't leave for almost 2 days and about 3.5 feet of snow later. Other than feeling so isolated it was almost creepy at times, the experience was exactly what I had hoped for. Sleep, more sleep, eating, and doing nothing. Perfect. When the sun was shining again, we went back to look at that hill and they had plowed up a bunch of snow at the top of it to prevent anyone from going down there. To see it in daylight was almost more freaky because it really could have ended up badly for us down there. But it didn't, we are alive and well, and no one gets to cash in on our measly life insurance policy after all!

Now I need a beach to recover from all that snow. Perhaps a "business" trip to Hawaii is in order? Hmmmm? No? A girl can hope.

Weighty Matters

2011-02-24T00:11:00.001-07:00

So, I read somewhere, AOL probably, that the average American consumes something like 60 teaspoons of sugar a day, or 20 tablespoons, or however many cups that equals out to. Either way that's a crap load of sugar, a lot of teeth rotting and whatnot you know.

I like sugar. Oooh I like sugar. Baked goods, yes. Candy, yes. Delicious Cherry Coke and Dr. Pepper, yes. All of that, yes, very much so. On a normal basis this didn't used to be much of a terrible problem for me. By normal basis I mean back when I used to go to the gym regularly, and by regularly I mean at least 4-5 times a week. That sort of took care of the whole ingesting mass amounts of sugar thing, sweet freedom to eat what I want! And of course, then I had babies, two babies, one of them just 5 months ago, remember? I do, that hurt.

So, the first time I had a baby, I did weight watchers and lost a good 25+ lbs without a whole lot of extreme effort. I counted points, I made (relatively)good choices, it wasn't so hard. This time I have less to lose but for some reason cannot, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, find the motivation to really stick to it. I've lost roughly 5 lbs in a month and a half, have about 10-15 more I'd like to shed, and this sugar thing has really become the bane of my very existence.

Effing mini eggs.

This weekend the man and I are embarking on a romantical winter getaway. He has some random work thing to attend to that takes him to Lake Tahoe and I get to come, on company dime no less! We're staying in a cabin, and it's supposed to snow every day we're there. When I say romantical, I mean it. The kids will be with Connie, and we will be alone. ALONE. For the first time in over 2 years. I plan on doing nothing but sleeping, through the night, all night, every night. Maybe I'll let Paul cop a feel, I haven't decided yet, or if I even have time for that sort of thing since I plan on sleeping so much. And then of course there is going to be a lot of eating, because I get to go to a restaurant without kids and take all the dang time I want, which doesn't help my case one bit really. But when we get back, I am on it, I swear. Those mini eggs, and everything else involving mass amounts of sugar, can go to hell. HELL! At least until I get this situation under control and then you know, we don't have to say goodbye forever.

I really don't know where I'm going with any of this so I will close with a Fatty free for all. 5 months old already, halfway to 6, what??? Look close, the hairs are growing in nicely! *sigh of relief...

the camera phone adds 15 lbs, right?

2011-02-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

So, I had a denim crisis this week. I twittered (tweetered?) about it yesterday. My jeans are getting to the point where they button again, somewhat reluctantly, but button nonetheless. I'm getting sick of washing the same 6 pairs of sweatpants over and over, and over (and over) again. My trusties seriously have holes in them (stop cringing Carina). Granted they're about 8 years old but STILL, DON'T FAIL ME NOW SWEATPANTS! Back to the subject, I wore jeans all day for the first time a few days ago. Jeans with no sort of elastic panel or hair tie through the button hole holding them together. We won't talk about the muffin top oozing over the waistband because this is a happy story! The majority of my jeans are at least 3 years old, bought back when boot cut was still happening and when I had money to spend $100+ on a pair of jeans. Those days are over, so I decided to do a little repurposing instead. Look at me, repurposing! Up next: world hunger!

Crappy and distorted iphone pics for you!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

I used Susan's tutorial found HERE and did everything except pick out the bottom hem. These pants had already been altered for length and I wasn't going to mess with all of that business. They turned out just fine FYI. And I call her Susan even though we've only met once and it involved me talking loudly, and rather awkwardly, down the table to where she sat about how much I love her baby moccs and how badly I need to get a pair for Fatty. I still haven't done that, I have my eye on the gray ones though, someday they will be ~~mine~~ Fatty's.

So there's that.

Have a glorious weekend friends. After waking up multiple times last night with an angry 22 or 23 lb (give or take a pound) Fatso, my man let me sleep in until almost 9:30 this morning. It was glorious except my extra full bosoms lactated all over my brother's face because I was wearing this shirt. It was weird.

The Rescuer

2011-02-14T23:54:00.005-07:00

Three years ago yesterday I got stuck driving behind my mom in a freak blizzard that left us stranded for almost 4 hours. We called each other every 15 minutes, commiserating our terrible luck and wondering where on earth the highway patrol was. I took some random pictures of myself out of sheer boredom, and may or may not have found some creative ways to relieve my very full and newly pregnant bladder, but that's a story for a different day. There were times during those 4 hours that I couldn't look out or open my windows for the thick ice crusting them closed. People were getting desperate and creating new lanes and advancing chaos, trying to get around other cars that were immobile or moving slowly and as a result, sliding off the road and getting stuck themselves. Poetic justice, no? The wind gusted so hard it rocked my heavy SUV back and forth, the blowing snow obscuring my line of sight, reducing visibility to only a few feet. The tailgate of my dad's white truck was camouflaged in all this cold hustle, and all I could see were the tail lights glowing through the icy dark. But I knew my mom was right there in front of me. I knew I'd be just fine as long as I could see her, as long as I could follow her, as long as she stayed close to me. We inched ahead, foot by foot, and finally mile by mile, until eventually, I followed my Connie out of that rabbit hole and into calmer skies. The storm had concentrated all of it's anger and spite on one 5 mile stretch of road. Once we passed through it, we were free and clear with only a light snow falling to remind us of what where we'd just been. She turned left into my Grandma's driveway, and I continued on down to my Paul, our warm little townhouse, a hot shower, and a trip to Hawaii.

Fast forward to this weekend. On Friday night the chills started. I was sewing a baby blanket for my new, soon-to-arrive-next-month niece whose baby shower was the following morning. Soon my fingers were numb and shaking and I was finishing up while layered in sweatpants, socks, a long sleeved shirt and Paul's sherpa lined hoodie. I took a hot shower to warm up, but as soon as I turned the water off the tell-tale goose bumps returned. I layered a heavy denim quilt on top of our down comforter and crawled in for the night. A few hours later Paul got up with the baby, came back to bed only to hear my teeth chattering and feel my body quake with shivers trying to get warm. I was sick. The rest of that miserable night was spent hunched over a heating pad, and alternating between throwing off my layers cloaked in sweat and clutching them back on, chilled to the very bone.

Saturday wasn't much different, I stayed home from the shower I was supposed to be co-hosting and parked it in bed. Paul wrangled the Nub and baby Fat Fat who wasn't feeling so good himself, refusing to nap, congested terribly, and protesting his general unhappiness rather loudly. I'm afraid I was quite useless to the situation. Dosed up on ibuprofen, I perked up enough to venture to the doctor at one point, and out for egg drop soup, only to be told it was something viral and nothing could be done. Once home and back in bed, the cold shakes set in yet again.

That night at 8 pm, I fever-drunk texted my mom that we might need reinforcements the next day. She texted me back and said she would pack up and get on the road. I wanted to protest and say we'd be alright. I hated the thought of her driving through the deer and elk infested roads and down dangerous Highway 6 through Spanish Fork Canyon especially at night, but I didn't say anything other than "thanks Mom, please drive safe". I wanted her there. Two hours later the calvary had arrived (safely thank goodness) in the form of Connie and her overnight bag. My sick baby was passed off into her care, Paul fell exhausted into bed next to me.

We were saved.

She left this afternoon, me feeling much better and the baby sleeping in hourly measured increments once again. He's still stuffy and somewhat warm, but we are both none too worse for the wear.

I think about those tail lights and that storm, I think about following my mother through that blinding snow and I know it deep and hard as much as I did that night three years ago, as long as I stay close to my Connie, as long as I can see her and keep her near, I will always be just fine. Mothers are there for the rescue, even when we are grown and mothers ourselves. The call and answer will always exist in some form, and for that knowledge and assurance I am eternally grateful.

Another Post About Hair

2011-02-10T15:36:00.000-07:00

Here is where I prove to you exactly how vain I am.

My duly gorgeous sister has this hair, this hair that I covet and yearn for, that curls in all the right ways, whose baby hairs cling to her forehead sweetly and don't stick straight up and kink like someone else's that I know (*cough ME), that looks glorious when tossed up in a messy bun thing, and hangs straight and long when told to do so. It doesn't need special attention and hasn't been touched by scissors in like a year but still, it manages to incite fits of jealousy on my part whenever we're together. I feel drawn to it. Yes, in a weird way. After spending the last 5 days with her, I'm convinced even more that she has the world's best hair and that I should probably give her a plaque or something, and also, that my hair sucks.

Sisterly competition.

There isn't any at this point in our lives. Except when she has the hair I want I guess, and then it seems to be more of an inappropriate longing on my end more than anything. It's not like we're knocking each other around fighting for rebounds on the basketball floor anymore, or brawling on her bed with slap fights and hair pulling (why we always fought on her bed, I'll never know). Thankfully, that ship sailed a long time ago. One of the best parts about being an adult is this developed sense of appreciation you have for the people you love and the relationships you've cultivated. Spending the better part of last week with my sister only reinforced that feeling for me.

I am covetous for her amber waves of grain. I am jealous of her glorious tresses, and happy that I don't have to hide her in the closet because she's so ugly. We all know families where one sister is vastly better looking than the other and luckily, I don't feel that extreme about it. I might always be some version of Slagathor deep inside, but neither of us is a troll. She does, however, win in the hair department hands down, that I will concede any day.

Most of all I'm just grateful she's my sister, better hair and all.

I went to the Superbowl and all I got was this t-shirt

2011-02-08T21:47:00.001-07:00

It's a little weird walking around a town you've never been to and seeing your brother's hairy face plastered left and right, even on t-shirts and billboards, sung about in a piano bar (truth!), and even an appearance on Leno I heard (where was the invite from Coco I wonder?, beard to beard that seems like a better fit). The game itself could have gone better, but you know, winning 2 out of 3 isn't a terrible record to boast. Sometimes the stars don't align, even in Texas. So you treat yourself to some nachos, a healthy sized Dr. Pepper, and maybe a bbq pork sandwich for good measure and then move on. Our seats were good, the halftime show was entertaining (apparently it sounded terrible on t.v., live was a different story, minus Fergie Ferg rubbing up on Slash), and did I already talk about the nachos?

You know, and then there was this little slip:

Mercy.

I am glad to be home. Back to my Shorty and the Nublet, who didn't ask for me once in 5 days so I'm told. Nice.

Texas is grand and all, but I'll take those two over just about anything.

thanks Rochelle for watching the babes! you're my hero and iloveyourhair

Texas and The Universe

2011-02-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving on a jet plane, on Thursday, away from Paul and the Nub and off to Texas with Mr. Fatty in tow.

Texas isn't exactly my vacation destination of choice, nor is leaving behind half of my whole, but you know, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I wish it were at least going to be in the balmy 60's while I'm there but the forecast for Dallas looks just about as bleak as it does for here.

And to the universe I say, what's up with that?

Meh.

On another note, at 6:00 this morning I told Paul we weren't having any more kids until we were rich enough to hire a nanny/wet nurse to wake up with them at night which will happen like, never. So I guess we're done having kids then, at least until I forget about this junk and go get myself pregnant again. I believe short term memory loss is the reason people have so many kids around here, but who am I to think deeply about such a thing?

Only 4 months until June.

Just sayin'

A Few Items of Business

2011-01-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

First, the aforementioned fireplace mantle:

I know, those speakers have to go. Mostly because the Nub broke the 6 disc dvd changer they are attached to and isn't that a marriage of convenience? Your ideas are most welcome. I am thinking a pom-pom and felt heart garland is in order. Valentine's Day is right around the corner you know, and if I must be confined to the house, I might as well pretend that I excel at domesticity (if you can't make it, FAKE IT).

Second, in reference to the debatable double space, some are yay and some are nay. The jury is still out and apparently the experts disagree. As for me, I'm trying to control my thumbs when they itch for that double hit, but I'm working against like 15 years of habit man, the reflex is STRONG!

Third, I.am.so.tired., *bangs head on wall*. From doing what I'm not so sure. My Adult Onset Seasonal Affective Disorder (A.O.S.A.D., FYI) likely has something to do with it. And then, you know, that kid who thinks it's funny to wake up every few hours for a hit of the good stuff might be a contributing factor as well.

Sleep regression makes me want to poke my eyes out.

Fourth, I need a shower.

Fifth, eat your heart out.

I need answers

2011-01-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

Here is my question:

Do you double space after a period at the end of a sentence?

When did I miss the memo that we weren't supposed to do this anymore?

Can Do

2011-01-18T15:10:00.000-07:00

This was last week, at an honest to goodness high school basketball game. My uncle is the head coach of the NS Hawks who pulled off a nail biter to beat Juab in one of the lowest scoring games I ever remember, geez, might have well been girls basketball. The Nub was riveted, except for when he was crawling all over the old guy sitting in front of us. Er, sorry 'bout that fella.

Anywhat, have I told you about my New Year's Resolutions? No? Oh right because I didn't really make any except in my head. So maybe let's do that right now.

1.Be NICE- in an attempt to calm the mental instability I feel during these damnable winter months I am making a concerted effort to be nicer. I want my husband to like me, maybe even love me and this would really help my case.

2.TRY HARDER- this can easily be lumped in with #1 but we'll go ahead and give it it's own spot. On the chalkboard in my kitchen I wrote "Be Patient and Try Harder", underneath which Paul wrote "laugh, it's usually funny". Maybe I'll go tattoo that on the back of my hand where I can see it all the time for reiteration's sake.

3. BUDGET- you guys, we did it. We sat down together for the first real time in our natural married lives and put together a real life spreadsheet with columns and formulas and items that carry over and limits, LIMITS! So far the process has made me want to barf because I can see in print how much money really does fly out the window, but it also tickles my need to control tendencies in all the right places. I am proud of this budget and I'm going to go ahead and give myself a DOH! smack on the forehead for not doing it sooner. Also, with the money I spend on diapers I could buy myself liposuction and/or a boob job.

4. Get Smarter-I get daily emails from Dictionary.com with their word of the day, I read it and then forget about it 10 seconds later. Today's word of the day:

Concupiscible/kon-KYOO-pi-suh-bul/adj.

definition: worthy of being desired

as in: I find that donut to be highly concupiscible

Also, I'm going to read more books. Suggestions?

5. Button Jeans Comfortably-did I tell you I joined Weight Watchers again? I did. One week later I'm down 1.9 lbs and craving cookie dough. Thanks for asking.

And with that, let's call it good.

my mantle is bare

2011-01-17T14:04:00.001-07:00

I didn't start truly hating post-Christmas winter until I had babies. Actually maybe it was the winter before I had babies that it really began because I like to be one step ahead. Is there such a thing as Adult Onset Seasonal Affective Disorder? I say yes, because I just made that up right there. I've seen a lot of posts flying around the blogopshere on how to avoid the cold weather funk and have deduced that the only thing that will work for me is an extended 3 month vacation to somewhere much warmer.

Seeing as how I've spent an unholy amount of time stuck inside my house, I've decided that it's time to redecorate. Except I'm not sure how to do that with my redecorating budget at a zero balance. And also, my decorating tastes have changed significantly since we furnished our house right after we got married and I'm still not sure which direction they truly lie (lay? WHY CAN I NEVER REMEMBER WHICH ONE TO USE??). Do I like modern furniture, am I into contemporary lighting, do I join up with the popular kids and turn my decor into a mid-century modern tribute to the simple times? I have no idea. I'm completely clueless. All I know is that my mantle looks bare and if I see one more piece of black furniture in this place I'm going to off myself in dramatic fashion.

All this would be solved if I could just take my kids to the park and ignore the "problem". But that's not happening anytime soon. So listen, all you DIY princess/decor magicians, I'm going to post a picture of my mantle and you're going to tell me what to do with it and then maybe I'll give you a gift card to like Sonic or something. Deal? Hey, $5 in pebble ice is WORTH IT!

Deep In The Trenches

2011-01-14T14:18:00.001-07:00

My sister and her husband took a red eye last night to watch THIS game tomorrow. I am a little bit jeal. because I have yet to meet my newest niece and hullo, that game is going to be a dog fight. Ray Lewis scares the crap out of me. Hi, if you've ever been on trial for murder then the chances of you shanking someone in the middle of a game go way up, but maybe that's just the paranoia talking.

Anyway, my sister's red headed 3.5 year old, you may remember her as Sweetcheeks, is with us for the next few days. She and the Nub are best frenemies, of the thick as thieves sort. When they're not chasing each other around the house, then they're riding tandem with a pirate hat. Ensue crappy phone pic:

The Nub is more than happy to have a play pal after being cooped up like a caged beast the past 6 weeks. The kid has been through 2 rounds of antibiotics and is finally, FINALLY, starting to resemble his old self. And of course, I am happy to have him back because I ran out of sanity after the first week of it. I do have this to say, I bet more mothers lose their minds in the dead of winter than at any other point in the year. Even though for two kids 15 months apart these two play reasonably well together, there are still property wars to diffuse, potty breaks to manage, meal times to negotiate, oh and a Fatty to mug on.

This one needed some extra squeezing after those two yahoos were running around all morning like strung out chickens. Now all three have been relinquished to Kalli-imposed nap times. I got intimate with a coke and sat down to get some work done, abandoning the bomb that went off in my kitchen and forgetting about the trail of destruction that follows around 2 and 3 year olds, right after I texted Paul that we were definitely done having kids. My hat is off to you, mothers of many small littles, you are my heroes.

Also, I also find you quite insane.