Sunday, December 25, 2011

Feliz Navidad and all that

Merry Christmas all you internet crazies 

my gift to you is this photo 
from my brand new, screen crack free iphone

matching jams, how cute

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Is snow on the menu?

I just found this picture from last spring and my heart went boom boom a little bit
these babies, they grow so fast (sunrise, sunset, tiny violins)
and then they turn into this:

and even bigger into this:
"hey Mom, look at my big muscles"
excusi poor telefono foto quality

it's all nonsense, this motherhood gig
so much stress
so many nights without sleep
such a short temper
so often running out of ideas
so much wearing of birthday boots to make myself feel better for miserably failing at everything else

you like those thighs, I know you do...

I lost a little bit of my Christmas cheer over the last week or two, but I think it came back tonight. 

This week's top 10 to-do list:
#1. Wednesday, my Connie is coming up to stay the night. 
I love it when Connie stays the night and sleeps on my couch. 
Plans for her overnight stay include Zoolights and the gingerbread houses at Riverwoods
#2 watch "White Christmas" and "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"
#3. Finish up Christmas shopping-just stocking stuffers and some last minute items of interest
#4. Friday means Paul is off for a few days. Happy Happy Joy Joy.
#5. maybe lights at Temple Square?
#6. Some baking. Because it's Christmas and I need to bake. 
#7. Christmas Eve with the rest of the Verbies. I like these people. 
#8. Christmas morning. Glory Glory Christmas morning
what should I make for breakfast?
#9. 1 hr Christmas church
#10. Christmas prime rib with my family

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Posting this at 11:44 pm

Hey, I've got a question... 

You guys get headaches from staring between computer and iphone screens all day? Because I do. Every night I have a headache but it starts around 2 pm, right between my eyes, right where my stress wrinkle runs deep and rather obvious. I will be needing some botox in that stress wrinkle, probably very soon. It's (the headache, not the botox) gotten to the point where I'm wondering if I need glasses? Because I sort of want glasses to be honest. What kind of an idiot wants glasses? Me I suppose. I want a big, black framed nerdy pair. Call me Kalli hipster with my top knot and Anthropologie sweater. Except top knots give me headaches and my sweater is legit Old Navy. Anthro sweaters pill and yo, I'm too poor to be shopping there anyway. But it sure smells nice and geez louise do I like their knob selection.

Tell me your thoughts on this whole "Elf on the Shelf" business. It is getting quite popular, no? Every other picture on Instagram is of this joker and his antics. Also, we sort of haven't enforced the whole "Santa is watching you" business (or Santa's elves for that matter). We've been rather vague on the details and mostly say that Santa is for fun, Mom and Dad help with the presents, and JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON and all that. Plus, the kid is something of a nervous nellie. Dang, the Chick-Fil-A cow still scares the crap out of him so you can imagine the kind of response a fat bearded guy in a red suit elicits.

I cracked the crap out of my iphone screen (white girl problems). Not shocking and it still works, hey! I am, however, currently taking donations for a new phone. DM me for paypal info, and God bless us every one.

I'm only half joking. MAZEL TOV! L'CHAIM! FA RA RA RA RA! 

Yesterday both boys got haircuts. Elise did a great job as usual, and she even got me some product at her cost. I realized when I got home I forgot to tip her for her troubles. The lesson here is don't do me any favors because clearly I cannot be trusted to properly thank you for your time. Elise, I'll get you on the flip side, I promise. Until then... Merry Christmas!  

Is it 2012 yet? Because I can't wait to kiss 2011 good bye. I think my brain has officially turned to slop and forget about everything else that goes with it, because I sure have. I forgot to go to my own birthday lunch for pity's sake. All my Christmas cards are addressed and ready to go but I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to drop $50 on postage and actually mail those suckers. Next year I might forego the whole thing all together, and I love Christmas cards, I do! Something is wrong. Perhaps it's the extreme sugar content I've been ingesting over the past several days. At Jill's baby shower I probably ate more than everyone else there, combined. And then I made all sorts of highly inappropriate felt ball jokes left over from Holly's craft night 2 weeks ago. Guys, I have issues, and clearly they run deep. My apologies to everyone in attendance, especially Jill's mom. Thanks for the cheesecake, and the cookies, and the caramel corn, and the candy cane jojo's from Trader Joe's. P.S., Amelia's house is so, so rad. And I'm hoping and praying Jill has a 10 lb baby because they don't come out the V-route (or so she told me) so hey, WHY NOT JILL?! Check yourself because you won't wreck yourself! 

I'm stopping now. 

My bedtime alarm went off an hour ago. I need to set another alarm to tell me to pay attention to the first alarm.

Headache! Stress wrinkle! Check, check!

Now, treat yo self (treat yo self 2011) to a Christmas card reject photo and you're welcome. Why I made my mom take this picture and why I posed us like this, I will never know. Oh sweet mystery of life!

Monday, December 5, 2011

oh, hai you guys!

What's up slackers?

Oh, just me? Fine. Whatever. December sort of smacked me upside the head but things really started going batty around Thanksgiving, which was like 2 weeks ago thankyouverymuch. We don't even have our Christmas tree up yet, what kind of a crime against humanity is that? Every year we've done it that first weekend after Thanksgiving but this year is a massive fail. Lame. Hopefully, we shall remedy that tonight. Did you know there's a cut your own tree farm up in Alpine? I just discovered this yesterday, and did a little dance party because hello fresh boughs of pine smelly joy. Way better then a tree lot where the trees have been cut for like 2 weeks already. Ours usually looks like a dried out floral arrangement 1 week in, so I'm pretty jazzed about the idea of cutting our own tree. I thought briefly about getting a tree tag from the forest service but then realized that I know these mountains hardly at all and would probably get me and my whole family lost and then we would all die 10 miles from home and get eaten by those ravenous man wolves from Twilight. If not, the vampires would surely finish us of then. I just saved us all from a terrible death, you're welcome family. You can pay me in sleep, jerks. 

So let's re-cap:

Thanksgiving was spent with Paul's family. We woke up early and ran a 5k which I suppose has become something of a tradition. This was the first year it wasn't so cold I wanted to pee my pants just to stay warm. It was also the first year I pushed a double jogger laden with my precious bundled offspring the entire 3.1 miles. 

Turns out fighting through three thousand people with a giant stroller leading the way isn't the easiest task, but I persevered and the race actually felt pretty good to tell you the truth, maybe my best ever. We've talked before about how I loathe and hate running and that's still the truth, but it is finally getting easier thanks to all those hours I've been logging in spin class and on the damn treadmill. I hate that thing and I still, STILL trip and fall on a regular basis because I'm nothing if not coordinated. Sure, I can run 3 miles and go to spin class for an hour 2-3 times a week, pump class the other days, but do you think I've lost any more weight? Nerp. Thanks body, glad we could turn 30 this year. Yay for our failing metabolism. Sshhh, yes I still love you, you get the job done, here's a cookie. 

And then for the love of portable DVD players and a remote control monster truck I went out on Black Friday. Maybe I jumped the Target line, maybe I paid for it later by waiting to check out for 2 hours. No one has a sense of humor at 2 am, and no one appreciated any of my jokes either. Haters. 

There must be balance in all things. I'm not sorry I did it. Nubby is going to fuh-reak Christmas morning. Next year? No thanks.

Paul has been working like, all the time, so Saturday during child nap time I froze my bunnies off and climbed up on the roof and put the stupid lights up myself. I only almost fell off twice. High five! I have a picture of that but I'm too lazy to plug my phone in and get it, maybe later. You guys I just really love Christmas. Why else would I scale a 15 foot ladder in spandex pants and freeze my nibbles off to staple gun lights to my roof? And I'm already dreaming about Connie's Christmas day prime rib like one of Pavlov's dogs. Just say "prime rib" and my mouth fills with saliva in anticipation. It's a physiological reaction. Whoa, big word.

Today I'm cleaning bathrooms, addressing Christmas cards and writing about piano software.

It's a glamorous life I lead but I love it most all the time.

Egg nog out.