Sunday, December 11, 2011

Posting this at 11:44 pm

Hey, I've got a question... 

You guys get headaches from staring between computer and iphone screens all day? Because I do. Every night I have a headache but it starts around 2 pm, right between my eyes, right where my stress wrinkle runs deep and rather obvious. I will be needing some botox in that stress wrinkle, probably very soon. It's (the headache, not the botox) gotten to the point where I'm wondering if I need glasses? Because I sort of want glasses to be honest. What kind of an idiot wants glasses? Me I suppose. I want a big, black framed nerdy pair. Call me Kalli hipster with my top knot and Anthropologie sweater. Except top knots give me headaches and my sweater is legit Old Navy. Anthro sweaters pill and yo, I'm too poor to be shopping there anyway. But it sure smells nice and geez louise do I like their knob selection.

Tell me your thoughts on this whole "Elf on the Shelf" business. It is getting quite popular, no? Every other picture on Instagram is of this joker and his antics. Also, we sort of haven't enforced the whole "Santa is watching you" business (or Santa's elves for that matter). We've been rather vague on the details and mostly say that Santa is for fun, Mom and Dad help with the presents, and JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON and all that. Plus, the kid is something of a nervous nellie. Dang, the Chick-Fil-A cow still scares the crap out of him so you can imagine the kind of response a fat bearded guy in a red suit elicits.

I cracked the crap out of my iphone screen (white girl problems). Not shocking and it still works, hey! I am, however, currently taking donations for a new phone. DM me for paypal info, and God bless us every one.

I'm only half joking. MAZEL TOV! L'CHAIM! FA RA RA RA RA! 

Yesterday both boys got haircuts. Elise did a great job as usual, and she even got me some product at her cost. I realized when I got home I forgot to tip her for her troubles. The lesson here is don't do me any favors because clearly I cannot be trusted to properly thank you for your time. Elise, I'll get you on the flip side, I promise. Until then... Merry Christmas!  

Is it 2012 yet? Because I can't wait to kiss 2011 good bye. I think my brain has officially turned to slop and forget about everything else that goes with it, because I sure have. I forgot to go to my own birthday lunch for pity's sake. All my Christmas cards are addressed and ready to go but I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to drop $50 on postage and actually mail those suckers. Next year I might forego the whole thing all together, and I love Christmas cards, I do! Something is wrong. Perhaps it's the extreme sugar content I've been ingesting over the past several days. At Jill's baby shower I probably ate more than everyone else there, combined. And then I made all sorts of highly inappropriate felt ball jokes left over from Holly's craft night 2 weeks ago. Guys, I have issues, and clearly they run deep. My apologies to everyone in attendance, especially Jill's mom. Thanks for the cheesecake, and the cookies, and the caramel corn, and the candy cane jojo's from Trader Joe's. P.S., Amelia's house is so, so rad. And I'm hoping and praying Jill has a 10 lb baby because they don't come out the V-route (or so she told me) so hey, WHY NOT JILL?! Check yourself because you won't wreck yourself! 

I'm stopping now. 

My bedtime alarm went off an hour ago. I need to set another alarm to tell me to pay attention to the first alarm.

Headache! Stress wrinkle! Check, check!

Now, treat yo self (treat yo self 2011) to a Christmas card reject photo and you're welcome. Why I made my mom take this picture and why I posed us like this, I will never know. Oh sweet mystery of life!


5 comments:

coryshay said...

Mazel Tov! L'chaim! and Fa ra ra ra ra right back at you :) I always love me a good Christmas card reject photo, but you guys still have a long way to go before you will make it to Awkward Family Photos.

And that is a good thing. (although I secretly would like to see you try)

coryshay said...

p.s. Elf on the shelf...I've thought about doing this, but once you start you have to do it FOREVER! (or else what are you going to tell the kids...he died?! I don't think so) I'm not up for that kind of commitment.

Anne-Marie said...

Coryshay's comment deserves a "like" if there was one. haha
1. you are smokin'!
2. i am sort of intrigued as to why you hate 2011, maybe you can elaborate since i am too lazy to backtrack on your posts. (no judgements. i hated 2010 really bad)
3. I HAVE A BEDTIME ALARM TOO!!! I love that you do...But, mine is set for midnight and still doesn't happen. oh, and a turn off the computer alarm. that is set for 11. doesn't happen either.

sensitivityandgrace said...

you are soooo funny!

in case you don't get enough money for a new phone, they have DIY-iphone repair kits. i would really like to repair an iphone just to see what it is like, so you could also send it to me with the kit, & i will do it free of charge.

also, i found you through natthefatrat, in case that makes my comment any less weird.

good night!

Shar said...

I'm actually kind of pissed that you didn't use that on your Christmas card because it is CLASSIC! So, at the very least, blow that shiz up and put it on your mantle!

Elf on the shelf. I started doing it last night and you know what? Brett freaking LOVES it! Me, I'm pretty indifferent. I didn't start til the 18th, so I'd only have to do it a week. There is no way in HELL I would do that the entire month of December. I've got better things to do.