Tuesday, April 27, 2010

it blows, sometimes

I braved the gale force winds for a walk today.

And actually it was fine except for the way back when I seriously looked at the somewhat ominous sky and wondered if I should get Toto (i.e. Nublet) to a safe place before some green lady on a bike comes at me with a posse of flying monkeys.  Is there anything more creepy than the thought of flying monkeys?  Remember, monkeys fling poo.  So, flying, pooing, flinging, shrieking monkeys=absolute nightmare for me.  Let's not even talk about their sharp teeth, or tendency to do inappropriate things with their reproductive parts in front of the public eye.  I've been to the zoo one too many times I tell you what.  

Obviously we made it home just fine, thanks for your deep concern, and no thanks to the storm blowing it's unwanted self this way.  Every time it snows in the middle of spring I think "this is it, winter's last dying breath" and somehow I'm able to soldier through.  Except "this is it" happens like at least 12 more times before that crap wraps up and then suddenly it's 95 degrees and boob sweat has made it's way back into my life.  

Wo to the the perils of living in Utah, or any other state with 4 seasons for that matter.

I have my aquarium pass.  Maybe we'll have to hit that up this week.  Maybe my sister should come too and we'll walk laps around those tiny fish tanks (poor octopus) in the hopes of sending her into labor.  Never worked for me (I walked 6 miles one day and all I got was a rash), but we can hope! 

In the mean time, I want some freaking thai food.   

Friday, April 23, 2010

the prototype

if the first one is so cute
how can I go wrong with two?

Happy Weekend Friendies

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

reason #545

Why I'll never be a celebrity:

I love carbs way too much.  Sometimes, I get intimate with a donut and think "man Giselle is really missing out on life".  But then she has really nice boobs, and Tom Brady as her baby daddy, so I'm guessing donuts aren't her priority.  I just love myself too much to give them up.  I read about these celebrities and how they lost the baby weight and blah de blah blah blah and they all say the same thing: I gave up carbs, or I only have them once a day. 

To me this is a crime against humanity.   

I think I'd rather enjoy my muffin top while eating a muffin instead. 

So there. 

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

a little restraint please

I realize that I have internet ADHD.  When I'm working on something, typically I take a break about every 45 seconds or so to open another window and look at something else (see I just did it), because I don't know why.  When I'm really working on something, as opposed to general dinking around,  I have to mentally restrain my fingers from opening other tabs to scan my google reader or check my email, or open up hootsuite to check my twitter feed.  Like I said, I don't know why.  I hate twitter.  Kind of like how I hate facebook.  "So quit!" says everyone who loves facebook and twitter.  I would, except then how could I make fun of people for their stupid updates?  Where would my source of entertainment come from then?  Guess I'd have to make more trips to Wal-Mart or maybe if I get really desperate, back to BYU campus.  My mother would be so ashamed by those last few sentences, "if you can't say something nice than don't say anything at all, Kalli",  but she's in Hawaii so who cares about her (KIDDING MOTHER, I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!  bring me a pineapple)?  Don't go getting all self-conscious if we're facebook or twitter friends, for surely I'm not talking about you.

When I drove my parents to the airport last week my dad said he didn't get any of this crazy technology stuff and what's the point of saying all that junk and people waste too much time and share too much information that no one cares about, and that's why he stays away from it.  Right dad, that and the fact that you have no idea how to even turn a computer on and your fingers are actually incapable of typing seeing as how you hit two keys with one digit.  I'm afraid he has no hope on that end.  

But to a certain level I agree with my dad.  There is a copious amount of over sharing going on around the internets these days.  Some may say I'm as guilty as the next, but truth be told,  I'm actually fairly cognizant of what I put out there, to the point where I often have poster's regret and will regularly go back, edit, and even delete what I've written.  This is especially true when it comes to anything involving family members or the more personal details of my life.  I guess I try and maintain a certain amount of censorship, because you know what?  Words are easily misconstrued, feelings can get hurt, and when your words and your pictures are out there on the world wide internets for everyone to see, it can get weird and creepy fast.  

Not to mention, all of this internetting is a giant time sucker.  My shorter spouse has threatened to install a monitor on this here laptop to record exactly how much time I spend online.  The thought of that sort of makes me nauseated so lately I've been cutting back in a serious way.  I think this winter was an all time high for me, media consumption wise.  Too much computer, too much t.v., not enough vitamin D.  I can't tell you enough how glad I am that spring decided to finally show her fickle face because for the life of me I JUST WANT TO GO THE THE PARK!  

Life is so much better when it's lived in real time anyway, isn't it?  

So where do YOU draw the line?  

*for me, it's naked pictures of the children.  No way, not in any form.   

Sunday, April 18, 2010

take me out!

there was baseball this weekend

baseball = summer

let's do this

Thursday, April 15, 2010

in which, I pretend to learn a lesson

Today I sat in a salon and got my hairs did.  And not exactly where I was supposed to get them did thanks to the fact that I showed up at the salon I was SUPPOSED to be at a day too late.  Impatient and unaware that the whole misunderstanding was in fact, my fault, I hustled on over to the next nearest salon that flashed to memory and walked in.  First clue: if a stylist isn't booked pretty solid in advance and can get you in immediately, while convenient, you may want to pass.

She was a nice lady.  Left me alone to catch up on US weekly and People and didn't try to chat me into a mindless coma.  The color is fine and the cut is meh.  Really she did nothing more than trim it and thin it.  Took 5 minutes for her to do that.  I am growing these hairs out again you know, how long, I haven't decided yet.  The part that bugged me the most was that she hadn't a clue about the bangs and she tried to throw a part in there.  I hate it when stylists try to part my hair on top.  You can't really part you hair when you have these kind of bangs, if you know what you're doing anyway.  Blend ladies, blend.  Say it with me.  

I was nice, and only twitched in annoyance a few times.  When I got up to pay she charged me an arm and a leg and I got the hell out of dodge.  Oh, and the shampoo water was tepid.  Salon: fail.  

Blah.  That'll teach me for being impatient, and showing up on the wrong day.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Heavy Petting?

Yesterday we bailed on church after sacrament, put the kid down for a nap, lazed around, then got KFC and headed to the park.  KFC and the park are like the two siamese twins of joy and happiness around these parts.  One should not exist without the other and true glory cannot be achieved unless they are paired together in greasy, grassy harmony.  Also, since KFC merged with A&W life has gotten even better because I pretty much only like A&W root beer.  Or IBC, I can handle IBC.  Barq's ah no thank you.  

The park was blustery but warm enough, there were kites aplenty and probably the cutest puppy I've ever seen on the planet, a lab/german shorthair mix.  We pet him and let him lick our hands, he was spotty and soft with big, floppy ears.  I love puppies, but did it make me want another dog?  Hell to the no.  One is plenty and yes Augustus Thor the Thunderdog does love living outside now thank you for asking.  There was another lady there with two small yip-yaps on a retractable leash.  Now here is the main difference between big dogs and small dogs, you will never see a big dog, at least not a self-respecting one, on a retractable leash.  

Gus at 9 weeks

I've never really been sure what to make of yippy yap dogs.  To me they seem all the same and rarely have I found one worth tolerating.  Also, most yip-yaps I know are MEAN!  Big dogs, not so much.  Born into a house with a resident dog, the Nub has developed no fear of canines whatsoever.  To him all dogs are "Gus" and he pats his leg (sign language for dog) and pets them at will.  The only time this makes me nervous is around small dogs, because small dogs are biters, and yappers, and also, vaguely resemble cats.  Horses, however, are an entirely different story.  The kid is terrified, TERRIFIED of horses which is slightly hilarious and puzzling all at the same time.  Who doesn't like horses?  Guess his Papa will have to take him for a ride on Corky this summer.  Corky is my dad's giant, 4 legged, 27 year old, equine best friend. Even though he's old, real old (Corky, not my dad), he's still kicking, and still obnoxious.  Seriously, I've never met a more ridiculous horse. 

I grew up with a lot of animals.  Living on a farm will do that.  Horses, cows, dogs, cats, rabbits, pigs (who we loved and fed and then ate...DISTURBIA!), and even the occasional skunk.  Skunks love cat food, did you know that?  As a little pot licker I loved all animals, maybe too much.  Two bunnies had to die before someone intervened on that end and then it was no more bunnies for me...  As an adult I'm not so sure I feel the same way anymore.  I love Gus, he's a good dog, but I don't loooooove Gus.  I wash my hands after I pet him for example.  My spouse, on the other hand, would probably let him sleep in the bed were I not around to prevent it.  I know, so gross.  Dog hair, cat hair, dander, poop breath, dingleberries, it all grosses me out.  

Then you have my in-laws, late to the pet loving game, yet dedicated 110% nonetheless.  Their dog Jeter (who we gave them as a gift) is the only family member to have his photo proudly displayed in the living room, really the only photo in the house.  My father in law takes that dog to the park at least twice a day and usually three times, keeps mental note of when he does "his business", drives a mini-van where more often than not Jeter rides shot-gun, carefully monitors his diet and intake (and out take), gets up several times in the night to let Jeter out,  and I'm pretty sure has written him into the will.  That dog is loved to say the least and truly they are best friends and companions with one another.  

Me, I just don't feel it that way.  In fact, I take every opportunity I get to whisper into Jeter's ear that "you're a dog", and I'm pretty sure he's offended (at least I know my father in law is) because I've been given a righteous crusty a time or two (from the DOG).

Where do you ride on this spectrum?  Have you any pets?  Childhood cats or dogs?  Inside or out?  Gross or not?  

Where do you stand on pooper scooping?  

*here's my view: vehemently opposed yet always stuck doing it anyway, story.of.my.life.

Friday, April 9, 2010

someone buy me a lottery ticket

I've been feeling confident lately, like Harry Potter gave me a hit of his felix felicis.  Now if someone would just inform the fates and let that great aunt (or uncle, I'm not picky) die that I never knew about and subsequently leave me, her somehow miraculously favorite yet never known niece, a wad of cash then that'd just be the freaking cream on my cake.  But how would that happen?  I know all my aunts and uncles and none of them are dying or leaving me cash anytime soon.  Reality check!

It's not like things are any more better than the ordinary or anything miraculous like that, I just feel more like I can handle my life again.  I'm sure it will spiral out of control again here soon, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THINGS GO RIGHT?  So until then, I'm going to enjoy feeling like I'm sort of the boss of me, you know, instead of the other voices that regularly contribute.

So hey, how are you doing?  The grass is getting green again and I'm not being metaphorical!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Justin Hackworth and 30 Strangers

Justin Hackworth is a celebrity photographer around these parts, I think that makes him my paparazzi now. I'm going to start calling him that, I hope he doesn't mind.

On Tuesday, I got a phone call from Mr. Hackworth asking if Connie and I could come sub for his 30 Strangers project kind of last second, he'd had a cancellation.  After talking to her about it, "you mean like Glamour Shots, right?", said Connie.  Sure Mom, like Glamour Shots.

But so much better.

If you haven't caught on to the fact yet, I love my mother.  The chance to have beautiful photos of myself and her together documented for all of posterity (and the internets too) is priceless.

Thanks Justin.  It was magical.

You can see more HERE, go, get familiar with my face.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Cinderella got shafted

Ah Butler, you were so close... so very close.

I hate you Duke.  I've hated you since high school, through no fault of your own.  I even like Coach K.  We both have weird last names, it's uniting.  

It's just that you happened to be the favorite team of a certain PE teacher/basketball coach/resident corn-hole who had the unfortunately acquired nickname of "Peaches".
Wherever you are Peaches, stop sending my parents Christmas cards.  It's weird.  And just because they won tonight doesn't make you any less of a tool.  P.S. your mustache (I'm assuming you still have it) makes you look like a pedophile.  

Just an F.Y.I. 

Sunday, April 4, 2010

the spirit of Elijah

Peanut with his Papa
at Gma Connie's bowling birthday party
this picture brings tenderness and warmth to my mushy mother heart

One of the bonus parts of becoming a parent is experiencing your parents as grandparents.  

All I can say is that my kid(s) hit the freaking jack-pot, on both sides.     

Friday, April 2, 2010

the Easter Bunny is your mom FYI

When I was at the store buying crap for my kid's easter basket I was kind of having a hard time with it.  I mean buying the candy was easy, I've already cracked into that stash, but struggling with connecting together my feelings about the true reason for Easter instead.  

The deliciousness of candy aside, if there is one thing I KNOW in this life, it is that I have a Savior who loves me.  That He is real, that He is my brother, that He died for me, that He carries me, and that through Him all things are possible.  I think about the changes my little flock has experienced in just over a year.  Life-altering and faith shaking events that left me feeling anxious, lonely, and searching for some sort of solid ground to land on, and I am even more blessed by the ways that He has cared for me, for us.

How indebted I am.  

Happy Easter to you my friends.