Saturday, October 31, 2009

trick or treat, smell my feet, give me swine flu that'd be neat

It's 10:26 on Halloween, or is it technically 9:26?

I never can figure out daylight savings/ifyouaskmeagiantwasteof/time. It maketh no sense and I am far too busy/uninterested in changing my clock around and gaining or losing that extra hour of sleep. I think I need to move to Arizona where they don't mess with this junk.

And I'm baking. On Halloween night, at 10:30. Pretty sure the Hub is downstairs sawing proverbial logs while I'm up here baking the crap out of some pumpkin spice whoopie pies (click on it, I have a feeling these puppies just might change my life, and waist size, forever). I've got a baby blessing to attend tomorrow, and one knows one cannot show up empty handed to such an occasion. So here we are, baking late at night, on Halloween. Pretty sure I said that already.

We took the Nub out to trick or treat of course, like all good parents do, and it wasn't until we got home some hours later that it did dawn on me that we just played knock knock pass the swine flu at every house we went to. How this did not occur to me before the fact I am mystified. MY KID IS GOING TO GET SWINE FLU FROM TRICK OR TREATING AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT BECAUSE I MADE HIM GO, he's one year old, he had no choice, victim. Stupid H1N1. Stupid Kalli. Now I have to go chuck all the candy I had carefully planned on stashing away to get me through until Thanksgiving, because for all I know it's teeming with microscopic harbingers of death just waiting for me to peel back that plastic wrapper and dive in to uncertain doom.

Trick or treating=overrated and apparently life threatening. Uggh, kill me now.
Wait, I don't mean that.

We went to P-town of all places for all the Halloween festivities, Met up with the Connie, Stoopid (who is gestating!) and her Sweetcheeks. Tried to get in on the whole trick or treat Center Street thing but sort of missed out by about 2 hours. Ah well, to the tree streets instead. My SIL met us there with the rest of the grandkids (minus one) and around we went.

Oddly enough, I miss Provo. There is no more beautiful place on earth in the fall than that little slice of loveliness nestled deep in the heart of the Wasatch Front.

I can't believe I just typed that sentence.

Apparently baking late at night on Halloween will make you wax poetic, note to self.

I should end this.

On our way home, after dancing around with the death virus, we cruised down 9th east and just for old time's sake hit up the Crest drive through for a couple of crisp 32 oz DP's, (oh Crest drive through, how I've missed you and your skanky window girls).

Talk to me in 2 weeks and I'll tell you whether or not it was all worth it (i.e. no swine flu).

At least the DP was good and my kid was cute, is cute. Success in my book by any level.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

brave the cold

oh my puny ponytail...

It was cold today, windy and icy and all sorts of nipply.
Did I just say nipply?
I sure did.
Welcome to the inside of my 15 year old brain.

I can't stop eating, and all of it is crap.
It started with the caramel corn and then once I finished that off I started working my way through a couple bags of Halloween candy.
I will say it once and maybe a few more times later just for impact.

Halloween is of the devil.

And how!

I had to get out of the house, away from Satan's chocolate.
So in spite of all the freaking freezingness
I packed up my little Nublet, slapped a leash on the dippy dog and off we did go.
ah blessed exercise, 'tis good for the soul
and better for the body (that subsists entirely on mini candy bars)
even in the frigid tundra
I mean mountain

I need to remember that I grew up in Wyoming son,
where you plug your cars in because it gets so cold you have to do that stuff
where your boogers freeze the second your face meets fresh air
on days like today we would have been out washing our cars wearing swimsuits or something
downright balmy if you ask me

except that was a long time ago
(thank goodness)
and I'm not so much into booger freezing if I can avoid it
and now I have to go and say a prayer of thanks that I don't have to plug my car in anymore

psssttt... guess who likes Halloween candy too??

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

let us all rejoice

The good Lord did dust us with snow today, all day in fact and considerably more than a dusting. I guess winter is coming (or is it already here?) even though I had a personal request in that fall stick around at least another few months. No freaking dice. Boo-hoo.

The Nub has had three changes of sweatpants (he is his mother's son) due to various moisture related incidents and I myself saw fit to put on real clothes for a brief trip to the post office (package mailed Christina!) and then to the dry cleaner where I finally dropped off that dress thickly crusted in baby vomit dug out from the dregs of my closest where it's been since LAST winter. There was a copious amount of vomit down the front of that dress, take my word for it, the Nub had some serious vomit related issues, and how glad am I that stage is over?

Also, copious is one of the best words ever.

Anywho, back to me wearing real clothes. Lately with my diet of caramel corn, pumpkin pie and pre-Halloween candy (food is love) I've been a little bit nervous around clothes that have zippers and buttons instead of elastic and jersey knit. Today I sucked it up, quite literally, and slid on this pair of skinny jeans (brave!) and a sweater that hasn't seen the light of day for 2 years (thanks to the Great Gestation of '08 and ensuing Postpartum Painfully Awkward In My Own Body period of '08/early 09). And then I took a picture of it so you could rejoice with me that both did not look entirely terrible. I'm sorry if you're not an Ugg person either, but I will long be a devoted convert to this unfortunate looking boot. We have bonded and it is to the death, or at least until I have to take drastic measures to get another pair, like sell plasma or my eggs or something like that.
Just kidding little eggies, stay in there, I like you.

Last winter, thanks to the extra 20 Nub lbs I was lugging around, I did enjoy looking in the mirror at any cost. In fact, all of my glorious sweatpant collection got so used and abused to the point that most are now sporting somewhat suggestive holes in places that I really am not at liberty to describe. But now, excepting those days I go on sugar benders and fail to exercise for a week, clothes fit again.

What's even better is that I got those jeans at the Wal-Mart on the sale rack of all places for a grand total of $5.

Tender mercies people.

Life is good.

finally I pick a winner

Hey Christina!
remember this when you said this?

She IS a spitfire and I liked your comment best so you get this:
(as modeled and hand made by yours truly)

headbands are about as crafty as I get

Send me your address and I'll pop it in the mail!

I wish I had the attention span to make headbands for everyone, but we all know I'm spastic so not so much. Thanks for playing though!

all is well

I am having bouts of weirdness lately.

Weirdness that is not my normal kind of weirdness.

The last time I felt this way for an extended amount of time was over 2 years ago. Back when my body couldn't seem to cooperate with my heart. Eventually that worked out so who am I not to have faith that this will too?

This is my life you know, and I'm in the thick of it. Weirdness and all.

Sometimes it's so heavy I can hardly bear to shoulder my load, but then magically I'm gifted the ability, or someone else steps in to help and I realize that I am certainly not alone in my efforts. That never have I come up against something that I could not handle,
that never have miracles ceased to work in my life.

I read this a while back thanks to a lovely lady friend of mine,
poetry has never been my strong suit but I have to say I get Walt's drift here.

by Walt Whitman

Why, who makes much of a miracle?
As to me I know of nothing else but miracles,
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water
Or stand under trees in the woods,
Or talk by day with any one I love, or sleep in the bed at night with any one I love
Or sit at table at dinner with the rest,
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car,
Or watch honey-bees busy around the hive of a summer forenoon
Or animals feeding in the fields
Or birds, or the wonderfulness of insects in the air,
Or the wonderfulness of the sundown, or of the stars shining so quiet and bright,
Or the exquisite delicate thin curve of the new moon in spring;
These with the rest, one and all, are to me miracles,
The whole referring, yet each distinct and in its place

And while you're at it, go ahead and read this too. My friend ~j shared it on google reader and I have to say that whoever this is managed to put into words a very real phenomenon I experience almost every single night.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

the vicious cycle

Today was the day of caramel corn.

I ate some, and then some more, and then a lot more. Throw in a ham sandwich and a few mini almond joy bars and you'd have pretty much everything I consumed today. Nutritious AND delicious and more than enough to give my teeth that gross sugary film and send me straight to the depths of self loathing and degradation.

Talk about eating your feelings.

Out came the stretchy pants, on with the grumpy Kalli.

Sugar can only help so much and then it replaces and becomes the source of the problem entirely. Am I right or am I right?

So what do you do?

You pack up the kid, the dog, and the man and get away.

And then you come back home and finish off the last the stuff, because you don't do anything halfway, and feel grateful that it's finally over and there's nothing left to stare you down and call your name and say things to you that really are just inappropriate.

At least until you make some more which is absolutely inevitable.

Because that is the curse of the caramel corn,

so good,

yet so so so so sooooo bad.

Friday, October 23, 2009

bootie talk

These kinds of days are of my very favorite sort.

My heart has always belonged to the fall. It's colors and cold air and boots and jeans and hoodies and sweatpants and soup and hot biscuits and basically everything that is good and true.

I was born in the fall did you know?

Speaking of boots, I've been on the hypothetical hunt for a new black pair. I say hypothetical because it involves a lot of looking and not so much a lot of buying. Boots and my budget are simply not on the same page. My old black boots sport a roughly 4 inch heel which I've found isn't exactly conducive to chasing a toddler down the halls at church or looking delicate and petite next to your husband who just so happens to be shorter than you.

In fact, you would be shocked to realize it has quite the opposite effect. High heels of that sort only further exacerbate the height difference and leave me looking something akin to an amazon/transvestite cross dresser. A look I am doing my best to avoid, and understandably so seeing as how on the Hub's side of the family I am taller than EVERYONE except two people, both of which are male. Those kinds of things tend to have a negative impact on that delicate female psyche I was just talking about. Sheesh.

So back to boots. Something I am enjoying this season ("this season", who am I, Nina Garcia?) is the low heeled trend. I need as much help being less huge as possible. Do you read Clothed Much? I like that she knows how to make cheap and thrifted look good and feasible, and even though she is thin beyond thin (i.e. the circumference of my left thigh) I really enjoy the stuff she puts together. She blogged about THESE motorcycle boots a few times which are both leather and under $50 which makes me say "yes please". My worry with motorcycle boots is that they aren't dressy enough for the churching. Your thoughts? I'm also enjoying a low wedge boot like THESE, a bit more dressy and I do love a low wedge. However, $129.90 This is when I go to Target and buy a knockoff instead. Except for boots I prefer leather and lasting, but sometimes that just isn't gonna happen so cheap and pleather it is, weeeeeeeee!!!

I like to think about new boots because it makes me forget about all of the other junk that isn't as pleasant. Like how I need to go clean the bathroom, even though secretly I like cleaning the bathroom. That was not such a good analogy on my part. Maybe about how I should probably go put on a bra and get out of my sweatpants, seeing as how it's almost noon and I have yet to do so. Details, details.

It's fall, remember? Sweatpants are A-OK!

Then again, maybe I will go see if can do something about this no bra situation...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

lady friends

I was having a good self-esteem day, until I decided to do two things that resulted in detrimental effects on my current female psyche.

#1 I weighed myself in the nude in front of a very large mirror in a bathroom with lights I will swear to you were built specifically to highlight cellulite in unfortunate places.
#2 After I got dressed, I had my camera out so I took a few self-portraits of my lovely mug because I just do that sometimes and you know you do too. Except big mistake today. After uploading them I could see that my pores were so huge one could actually play connect the dots should they feel so inclined.

SO I did what anyone would do in that situation,

I parted my hair on the opposite side then went and made myself a bowl of ramen.

Sometimes the best action is just distraction.

Being a girl sure sucks sometimes.

Because my friend Flo is just around the corner here are a few things I feel like complaining about:
1. full body shaving-at times I think it would be easier and less time consuming just to have the face to take care of instead of legs, arms, and lady parts
2. makeup-though I will confess to loving make-up and the finished effect, as a whole I find it extremely time consuming and part of me wants to revolt against the fact that I have to shellac myself in face paint in order to be considered presentable in society (I'm so feminist right now). I'm not one of those wash and wear people. If I want to look good it takes a massive amount of effort and this pisses me off on a daily basis.
3. (in the same vein) fixing my hair- how many hours have I wasted?
4. tight clothes- I hate pinchy clothes, thus my penchant for sweatpants. Dudes do not, generally, have this problem.
5. monthly salutations from the Mother Nature. She can curl up and die as far as I'm concerned.

anything else you'd like to add?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I feel like a new woman

Remember when I said I'm into owls, like 2 hours ago or whatever?

It should be especially obvious by now.

Thanks to my homegirl Laura over at LJKC design for the new look of MLAK,
lady is MAGICAL!
(click over from reader, you should get a gander for yourself)

If you like my hooters as much as I do than you should get yourself a button
(like this)


Also, I added the "followers" gadget there on the sidebar and I only have like 13 which makes me feel silly. So go'ne ahead and follow me too while you're at it won't you?

I knew we were friends...

nice hooter

As of late I've been nursing a fondness for owls

Lucky for me I procured this mug a few weeks ago, tucked away in the recesses of my favorite little store in Fairview, UT known as The Corner Station (their website is still under construction unfortunately).

Trust me, this store isn't one you'd want to miss and is worth the extra effort to visit the wide wonderful world of Sanpete County. You could go visit Connie, heck, I bet she'd even meet you there.

They have owl mugs for pity's sake. It doesn't get better than that.

The Corner Station
111 N. State St.
Fairview, UT

Monday, October 19, 2009

he is hugemongous

Every morning when my nugget wakes from his slumber, I pluck the boy from his gilded cage (i.e. gnawed on crib), and we rock for a few minutes in the ugly overstuffed brown chair. Just me and him, his head on my shoulder, thumb in mouth, blankey in hand.

Even though I'm most certainly not a morning person,

this little a.m. ritual of ours has become my favorite part of the day.

You'd have to have a cold dead heart not to enjoy such a thing. It's perfection squared.

A dose of that for the masses and all the problems of the world would just flit away to never never land. Or at least one could only hope that would be the case.

Lately it's become ever increasingly apparent to me that my baby is diving full bore into toddlerhood. I mean look how huge he is? Gigantor practically. How am I supposed to deal with that? He doesn't even properly fit in my lap anymore and when I think about that fact I die a little bit inside.

This motherhood junk is turning me into a tender blob of love and feelings.

I don't even know what to do with myself anymore I tell you.

Friday, October 16, 2009

name that crusty

this hilar pic of my Sweetcheeks needs a tagline

and if it's the best one I just might send you a prize

does that make this a contest?
I can neither confirm nor deny
but all indications point to yes
and go

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

i do love a happy ending

the moral of this story

is that

sometimes the end of the day

makes the rest of it okay



Monday, October 12, 2009

shot through the arm!

Do you see it? The curl on the back of my boy's noggin? I love it. I have this weird physical attachment to it. It's taken on this whole Samson metaphorical meaning to me,if I let it keep growing he's going to start looking like Joe Dirt and then I'll put a bead on it.
Someone should stop me from doing that.


that was a lively one, the flu shot debate I mean.

So what do I think?

Well, I already got the shot like 2 weeks ago, way before I even thought about asking you guys. I haven't had the flu in years and I've no desire to change that anytime soon. Plus shots don't bother me and I had chicken pox twice as a kid, like 8 years apart, so obviously viral cesspools see me as a perfect host. I have to be on guard with this stuff.
The best offense is a good defense in Kalli land.

The Hub sees no point in him getting it because he seems to get the flu regardless of whether he gets the shot or not. So that's a no for him.

As for the Nub I have a few concerns, and by concerns I mean major meta-emotional/physical dilemmas. His flu shot appointment is on Wednesday, I made the appointment over a month ago, and ever since then I've been in deep personal turmoil over whether or not we would keep it. In fact, I still haven't completely made up my mind on the matter. I've posed the question to everyone who's had the luxury of crossing my path, had many a discussion, received many an opinion and yet still I am unsettled.

To give you some background I am not anti-vaccine. The Nub has been vaccinated, albeit on a modified schedule but vaccinated nonetheless. I believe in vaccines. I do not believe they cause autism. I have a problem with pumping them into my child 6 at a time that's all. What I'm sweating over is the fact that the seasonal flu vaccine contains thimerosal, a preservative that contains mercury. The same preservative that's been removed from regular vaccines years ago. Why are we removing it from regular vaccines but not seasonal ones? This makes no sense to me. I do not like preservatives that contain mercury. Mercury of any dose doesn't sit well with me, especially in reference to my babe.

So therein lies the dilemma.

I read this little ditty on the CDC's website (you should read it too) and it made me feel a bit better. I'm still planning on a long and heartfelt talk with the Nub's pediatrician before I make any final decisions on the matter, but in all respects I think the Nub will probably end up getting one, unless I have any still strong spirit whisperings directing me otherwise. Or maybe a billboard on the freeway. I'm open to any and all message receiving outlets is all I'm saying.

These are the kinds of decisions I really never imagined would fly high on my radar, but boy are they causing problems for me now.

I just wish I weren't such a waffler.

But then again sometimes waffling is good.

Or is it?


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

pot stirring

I'm curious

are you getting your kids the flu shot this year?

are you getting one yourself?

why or why not?

**all opinions are welcome here, no shooting down anyone else's logic or choice mmmkay? **

should you participate in any such behavior I will regulate WWE style

also, if you're viewing this in reader would you mind hitting the "share" button? I'm seeking opinions here, lots of them. Lots and lots and lots and lots.

and go

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

baby gone rogue

I'm tired

because I'm busy

but being busy is good

so does that mean I like being tired?

The truth of it is that I don't like my baby waking up every night this entire week to have a freak out session at 2 am thus causing him to STAY awake for an additional 2-3 hours which results in a very testy and tired me the next day. I'm just really not a morning person and this further exacerbates my problems.

Deep down, I have no real license to complain about this because my kid has been a champion sleeper since 5 months old and has rarely, if ever exhibited such dastardly behavior.

Me thinks 'tis due to the fact that he is just now realizing that we moved (a month ago) and is showing his delayed discontent at the fact that his bedroom is no longer across the hall from Mummy and Diddums (no we don't really call ourselves that).

I'm discontented about it too, but thank heaven for baby monitors acting in proxy and broadcasting every movement into my ever unsuspecting ear from across the room.

Until I get 8 solid hours again I'm not sure I can guarantee anything regarding content.

But I love you anyway.

Here's to a full night's sleep!

Friday, October 2, 2009

on hosting

me and the Nublet at 28 weeks
and before my face got fat
and everything else for that matter
also, I am not pregnant right now, so let's not speculate

On my google reader I subscribe to Design Mom, Gabrielle Blair, who a few days earlier let everyone else in on the fact that she's expecting their 6th child. In honor of that occasion, she's been having other women guest post on their favorite pregnancy related thoughts all week long. I sort of wished she'd asked me, except she has no idea who I am so that would explain the lack of an invitation. All I can say is your loss DM, your loss. I'll just put all my weird and crazy thoughts on MLAK so MY readers can enjoy them instead. Get excited, all 10 of you.

Pregnancy can be such a touchy topic. Some women are surprised by it (which I will admit to not fully understanding, birth control isn't such a hard thing to master in my opinion. I'm talking to you Connie, Mrs. 4 kids in 5 years and whaaat how'd that happen?), some women work long and hard to achieve it, some women struggle daily and yearn for it, and some women never have the desire. Some women love it and revel in the experience, other women have quite the opposite opinion. Some are very sick, some do it too soon, some feel as though their body has been invaded, and some flat out just don't like it.

Having been on a few different sides of that fence, my feelings run deep.

For me it was a privilege. Pregnancy was a sacred experience and one that I cannot wait to repeat, should I be so lucky in the future. Never have I felt a closer connection to heaven than during those brief few months of sharing my body. I look at my boy at times and am overwhelmed with a sense of pride because I made that, every perfect inch of him, all me. That little boy, so much of me is wrapped up in him and I understand it now. It's because I am him. His body came from mine and even though his genes are equally divided between my spouse and me, I will always lay a special claim to him for the singular reason that my body did the bearing. And I love my body all the more for it.

We are promised as women that ultimately our divine purpose on this earth is to bear and rear our children, however that may come about. I have learned the hard way that my time line for these happenings is not always in accordance with what actually goes down, but that it does indeed happen, one way or another, now or later. It is not an easy thing, even when it is. Pregnancy and the pursuit of, brings along it's own host of physical and emotional aches and pains, discomforts and anxieties.

Personally, that all encompassing feat of carrying and bearing my child has filled me with more satisfaction than any other thing I have experienced in life thus far.

And I can only hope beyond hope that I get to do it again someday.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

one more pie post and then maybe I'll talk about my hair again

It ended up being not such a catastrophe

last night's pie I mean

and I knew, I KNEW if I posted my woes about crust-making that a few genius commenters would pipe in with their magical fixes and all my problems would be solved.

So thanks Amaree, KK, and Jamie. I'll be putting your suggestions to use as I have 4 extra pie crusts in the freezer just begging for some filling. I have blackberries in the freezer, and peaches in the fridge. This sounds promising...

For now it's off to the hair chair, for some hair did magic-ness. Or at least a trim and some color, because June was the last time any of that's had some real attention, that's like 4 months ago, yikes. I've been having post choppy woes lately. I just kind of want it back, my long hairs I mean. Not super long, but pony tail length would suffice. And I'm sure if it was pony tail length I'd want to cut it all off again.

Because we crazy women always want what we can't have and that is the truth of my life.