Wednesday, September 30, 2009

the pie maker's problem

today's domestic deep and ponderous thoughts:

pie making involves a level of technical domestic wizardry that I have yet to master

can I make a decent crust?
you betcha, I can pastry blend with the best of 'em
can I roll said crust out?
again, affirmative

can I successfully transfer said rolled out crust to the waiting pie pan?
uh
that would be a negative on that one ghostrider

WHY CAN'T I GET IT IN THE PAN IN ONE PIECE???

After the dumb crust falls apart faster than my will power, I end up piecing the stupid thing together, getting pissed and eventually mashing it in there with my finger.
I've also been known to say certain swears and maybe once or twice have thrown uncooperative pie crust across the room.

It's feels good.
You should try it sometime.

And the lattice crust for the top? Not so much a piece de resistance as a piece de sad and pathetic, really just par for the course at this point.

I'm making it sound like this pie is a real train wreck. You should know by now, I have a real flair for the dramatic.

The reality of it is this: even though my pie crust is mashed together and some of it broke on the sides thanks to a heavy hand with the hot pads upon oven removal...and despite lattice work that could have been done better by a kindergartner with one hand




it still tastes amazing



in fact




I bet you wish you had a warm slice
(maybe some whip cream, little bit o' nutmeg spritzled on the top?)




right





about





now


(you're so predictable)

Further proof that the pursuit of perfection is just that, a pursuit.
So keep trying.
In the mean time, your less than perfect efforts taste just as good.

and that is what we call lowering the bar

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Nice Cans

Cripes

it's Tuesday already?

I mean don't get me wrong, I like Tuesdays for the most part. I enjoy Wednesdays more, Thursdays are generally good, Fridays are terrif and Saturdays=yippie skippie but then the whole weekend goes too fast and we're back to Monday which is the worst day of the week can we all agree? So, in reference to my initial statement, if Ron Burgandy taught me anything, it was that a question mark can wield dangerous outcomes. So maybe I should change my tone and say,

Cripes, it's Tuesday already!

See, because of that exclamation point the entire inflection of that sentence has changed. Let us take a moment to give thanks for punctuation, even when used excessively and often times incorrectly by yours truly.

So anyways, yesterday the Nub and I hustled our way down to the land of Sanpete to spend the day with the Connie, my Stoopid sister and her red headed daughter too. We canned stuff, food storage style, stuff like salsa, applesauce, and pie filling. It was equal parts a learning experience and trip down memory lane for me because this time I actually helped willingly and dare I say eagerly as opposed to being forced out of bed at 8 am and complaining loudly for the entirety about how much I would rather be doing something else, like watching my recorded 90210 episodes or writing to the Leo DiCaprio fan club or whatever teenage girls in rural Wyoming did in their spare time because it was so long ago I've blocked it from my memory. Honestly mom, sorry about that. And p.s. thanks for the braces.

My mom has always canned. Every summer our food storage was reliably re-stocked with peaches, pears, green beans, salsa, pickles, beets, relish, jam and anything else that could be steamed, shoved in a jar and preserved until the end of eternity. And even though my sister and I were forced to be canning slaves every single summer of our childhood, it took until now for me to realize how absolutely satisfying all of that effort is. Seriously, I feel like Michael Phelps in the canning olympics, except I won't be taking bong hits and really I only canned for one day. But still, it was fun, and satisfying, and I extremely enjoy staring at the cans on my shelf and feeling proud, even though my mom and sister did most of the work. But still.

You know what else I wish could be canned and preserved forever (in a non hannibal lector way)? This juicy nugget:
delish


Also, "Whip It" was good, not as good as "Juno" or "Arrested Development" (because Juno and Mayebe are both in this flick), but still good and I got a free t-shirt, bonus! I definitely think I could have a career in roller derby. Except I don't want any facial piercings or sleeve tattoos and I'd like to bathe regularly, so maybe that disqualifies me from consideration. I'll have to find out and get back to you on that one. Oh, and Kristin Wiig from SNL is in it too and Barrymore does indeed make some weird faces but I was totally expecting it this time so no big deal, and Kristin Wiig was fantastic. I just like her, a lot.

AND I've signed up for an 8 week writing class (community outreach!). I sort of feel like Veda Sultenfuss so let's hope I don't go getting a crush on my teacher, especially since I'm pretty sure it's a woman. That would be awkward.

I'm still debating between the fiction and non-fiction course, I have until next week to decide. Which do you think I should take and why?

Saturday, September 26, 2009

whip it real good

tonight

I am going on a date

with my shorter half

to see this flick



I am pee my pants excited.

Not for the weird faces Drew Barrymore makes. She is a weird face maker, remember Charlie's Angels? Weird Drew Barrymore faces, very distracting. Also distracting, Demi's uncommonly preserved goods. Practically bionic if you ask me.

I digress.

Oh my frakking mother hen, in an alternative universe I could be the most bad A** roller derby mama on the planet.

Am I right or am I right?

I'm right.

They should have asked me to be in this movie. I'm just saying. It would have been that much better.

And that is truth right there.




Wednesday, September 16, 2009

sometimes it just happens like that

at the end of the day

if you laugh the good laughs, you know, the painful kind that steal your breath

if you sing songs to a sleepy thumb sucking baby

if you miss your shorter half because he's halfway across the country

if you feel excited that he might come home tomorrow

if you have a mini reunion with your dumb dog who smells like the back end of a horse and is so excited to see you that he practically has a seizure

if you eat beef stew for lunch and fajitas for dinner

if you bounce with midget children on a trampoline

if you sit under an open night sky exploding with stars

if you roast marshmallows on a bonfire and perfect the common s'more (try Carmellos!)

if you reminisce fondly with your sister about the days when you used to hate each other and feel glad things aren't the same

if you wash your face and feel more pleased with your reflection than before

if you know that tomorrow is pay day

if you know your mom will make you breakfast in the morning


then you know it's been a good day

Thursday, September 3, 2009

press pause

friends,

MLAK is going on a brief hiatus

why?

we're moving (not far)
and in the middle of that
a short trip
and then back to more moving
my plate is full

Before long we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming, so don't go running off to find another internet girlfriend in the meantime mmmkay?

also on hiatus:
Kalli gets her nature on
no hikes scheduled for the next 2 weeks
boo
except maybe by then it won't be 90 flippin' degrees anymore
let us pray

peace out homies