Monday, June 29, 2009

I don't have time for this...

What?

I've been busy.

I just sort of decided that the laptop and I were breaking up for a bit-with the understanding that eventually we'd make up and get back together, you know, once summer ends and it becomes convenient again.

for now I've got better things to do.

like
1. hit up Hart's gas station for refreshing cherry cokes
2. go for daily walks with my offspring... and the stupid dog too
3. hang out at the pool with the Nub's girlfriends (they go on walks with us and we swap babysitting too)
4. sew with my sewing club (no lie, we totally have a club...if you can call the 4 of us hauling our kids to the clubhouse and sewing like 2 things while wrangling 6 kids a club)
5. going on actual dates with my Hub (see #3)
6. attending the Manti pageant and laughing at the overly dramatic narration, and the kid who tried to do a ninja kick during one of the battle scenes and failed miserably. I think he may have pulled a groin.
7. eating lots of sandwiches
8. planning some murders... of the snails who keep trying to eat my plants. in.cold.blood. stupid snails watch your backs.
9. celebrating birthdays and father's days
10. eating popsicles
11. playing in the grass
12. playing at the park
13. hanging out with Stoopid and Sweetcheeks
14. weekend tripping to the Connie's.
15. planning a camping trip
16. dreaming about going fishing
17. wanting to make scones (SCONES!, like the white trash ones, straight greasy and covered in honey)
18. getting excited about parade season (let's play count the beauty queens!)
19. watching SYTYCD (I'm having problems connecting this year. I think Carlton/Brandon is super distracting. That and I don't have DVR anymore so watching T.V. is a lot of effort and I can't rewind. I hate that).
20. catching up on Mad Men. Netflix, let's get married so I can whisper sweet nothings in your ear and tell you how much I love you without feeling guilty.
21. firing up the grill, last night we made tin foil dinners and don't be jealous but it was good
22. sno-cones!
23. burgers, I like to eat burgers, a lot. Hub and I are on the quest for burger perfection. And I think we are thisclose to achieveing it, don't worry I'll keep you updated.
24. church and stuff. church and stuff is a lot of work
25. wondering when my kid is going to slow down and stop getting so big? Oh yeah, never. DAMN YOU CIRCLE OF LIFE! p.s. he turns one in like a month, I'm hyperventilating just typing that out.
26. corn and watermelon stands, yes please.
27. soaking it all in. I.love.summer. I can't say it enough.
I LOVE SUMMER!!!

and for your viewing pleasure, my two favorite summer romances:


p to the s, I appreciate all your voting both for blog luxe ( I think I ended with like 80 votes which was like 79 more than I thought I'd get, so bonus!) and the little poll we had running on the side bar... "Hub" won, guess you like him best as is. Hey guess what? Me too.

Now go eat some watermelon.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

dopplegangers?

Carlton Banks
=Brandon from SYTYCD

I believe they are one and the same

ode to nubby

heh heh heh
eat your heart out

Thursday, June 11, 2009

because your vote counts!

to the right you will notice my very first ever poll ever to be hosted here at MLAK, pertaining a new internet identity for my spouse

and honestly, it's not every day I give YOU a say in the content of my postings, so I hope you feel special...

here he is, dying to know his fate

ALSO
while you're in the voting mood...
don't forget about
MLAK
for funniest blog

click on the button on the right or the link above

kisses my pretties

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

lazy=life is good

I am a lazy fish.

For one excuse or another I can't drag myself out of bed this week to save my life.

After 10 minutes of trying to pretend I didn't hear the Nub from his bedroom petitioning loudly for my attention, I gave in, plucked him from his baby cage, we nursed and proceeded down the stairs for breakfast and the like.

He: cheerios, whole grain cereal, more cheerios, a few graham crackers, even more cheerios and some apple juice to wash it all down

Me: (after much debate) oatmeal with brown sugar, strawberries and skim milk

Next: dishes and general straightening of the aftermath that is my living room and kitchen

No matter how clean my house is, it always gets wrecked in the pm hours. Last night was no exception. Hub got home, (side note: I am really sick of the internet pseudonyms I use. I wish I'd given them cool ones like Batman or the Hulk or something like that. Also, I get really annoyed with bloggers who use even dumber ones like that lady who post-jacked cjane's blog and kept making reference to "the boyfriend" as in "the boyfriend and I went out for a lovely stroll", vomit vomit vomit. This is why I don't like "Hub" anymore. Also, these quotations are maybe even more annoying. Suggestions? personally I'm in favor of Mr. Kalli...) sorry, anyway, that guy I married came home to no dinner and me fresh out of ideas. Sometimes I feel sorrow for him when I fail miserably in my wifely duties. Then I remember I'm awesome and the pity stops right there. Like a trooper he suggested pizza and we threw together some dough and concocted the best dang veggie pie I'd ever gotten my tastebuds on. So good, in fact, that I felt the need to eat 4 slices and yay verily spent the rest of the night bemoaning how bad my stomach hurt while watching our netflixed season 1 of Mad Men.

After 3 episodes we called it a night and left things as they were, cherry coke empties on the ottoman, dirty plates in the sink, crusty pizza pan on the stove... a veritable homage to our gluttony for me to clean up this morning. But I don't mind so much friends. Because I'll take homemade veggie pizza, some t.v. on dvd and a night on the couch with my shorter half over pretty much anything. To me that's the good life, the one I always wanted to live and one I'll recommend to anyone, despite tomorrow's cleanup.

Try it, I guarantee you'll like it too.

If you want a good pizza recipe than click HERE. Rookie is the greatest and her bbq chix pizza is to die for. We used her crust recipe last night then just sauce, mozza and parm, and a whole mess of fresh veggies.


Monday, June 8, 2009

social pariah

I'm just awkward sometimes.

Blame it on all those years I spent as Slagathor the snaggle toothed eyebrow beast, blame it on my birth order, blame my brothers for years of torture, blame it on braces, blame it on being Mormon, blame it on growing up in Wyoming...

I HAVE SO MANY REASONS TO BE AWKWARD

I'm pretty aware of the awkwardness, I mean at least I know when I'm being weird, it's just so hard to control the urges! I'm the kind of person who replays conversations and interactions in my head over and over again, dissecting what I said right, what I said wrong and what I could have said different and if they were laughing WITH me or AT me. Basically I'm partially insane but then again you should know that by now.

Yesterday in church I had to conduct the meeting for Relief Society (the meeting with just women, you could call it the 3rd hour of chuch, just like the Today show with Hoda and Kathie Lee but with no alchohol and less Kathie Lee) click on that link, it's worth it. Of course it had to be fast and testimony meeting, and seeing as how I was conducting I had to bear my testimony (who ever came up with that unspoken requirement should be hunted down and beaten). Nevertheless I forged ahead and somehow managed to throw in the phrases "freaking love" and "oh crap" before wrapping it all up in one giant train wreck package. I have problems.

Next thing you know I'm going to be up in church bearing testimony of my uterus and how much I love my dog's veterinarian.



Awkward I tell ya. I've got it down pat.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

funny ha-ha or funny weird?

let's get legit here for a minute

this blog is full of bull (as my Connie would say)

it's mostly me making up stupid words and generally having a good time at my own expense

sometimes I try hard to be introspective (lately) but let's be honest, it's just not my gift

dumb humor?-YES

blurry pictures of my chubby (and aaaawwweeesome) kid?-YES

never ending proclamations of love for Target (thegreatestplaceonearth)?-YES

so, if you like this stuff then you should vote for me

2009 BlogLuxe Awards

every day if you want

I'm standing strong with one vote
(it was my shorter half, I confess)

word to your mother


a garden for your thoughts

This morning my baby was up early.

Instead of crying about it and dragging around in my underwear 'till noon (like usual) I got dressed (sort of) and took the few seeds I had on over to the garden we're sharing with our neighborhood friends.

I really love our neighborhood friends. I mean really really love them. We've got a few crazies, who doesn't? But for the most part I just like my neighbors a whole lot. Especially Maria with whom I run a pantry swap. If I'm out of something I check with her, if she need something she checks with me. Rarely do we not have what the other needs and it works like a charm.

Anyway, this garden
it's huge
and it reminds me a lot of summers in the good old Wyo.
when my mom would enlist us (most unwillingly)
to till
and plant
and water
and weed
and hoe
and pick
and snap
and weed some more
and hoe
and water
and swat mosquitoes the size of small horses
and get sunburned in our swimsuits
(because why not attempt a tan?)
while weeding even more

my sister and I
her summer garden slaves
complaining all the way

bless my saintly mother
I didn't know it then but that garden was a life source
we ate every bit of bounty those plants had to offer
what we grew
she canned
and bottled
and preserved into jellies and jams
to be stored in the cold storage under our house
lasting long through the fall and winter months

provident living
unaware as I was
thanks to my Mom we were doing it

It's important
learning these things
I know it now
I wished I'd paid more attention then

lucky for me, there's still time
and my mom is willing to teach
and we'll start the cycle all over again
to till
and plant
and water
and weed
and grow...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

the crazy is strong with this one

My comment count has been suffering lately.

Not that I'm all crazy dependent on comments, but it certainly helps me feel less weird about running MLAK when my visitors let me know who they are, and so I don't have to speculate about which IP addresses listed on my sitemeter belong to perverts and/or insane clowns out to get me.

My spouse says it's because I'm not posting pictures and my posts are too long. He also has adult ADHD so I'm pretty sure that means his opinion was motivated by boredom of the entire conversation in the first place. He also stole my camera and took it to work so now what am I supposed to do?

Post weird pictures off the internet of naked cats standing on top of what I can only assume used to be a dog, that's what.

The following scenario is a representation of what may or may not happen to Gus if I have to pick one more dog hair off my couch:

Monday, June 1, 2009

the summer crazies

I don't even know where my brain is lately.

did you realize that as of today it's June?

JUNE!

this is a good and bad thing

good-summer yesssssss

bad-don't make direct eye contact with my legs if you expect to keep your vision, oh and I've spotted the beginning of what look like spider veins on my upper thigh. Can someone explain to me what that's about? I'm twenty friggin' seven people, spider veins are for my grandma. Does that mean I'm old and saggly now? (what! Thel I kid, you're not old and saggly, you're a babe!)

good-pools are now OPEN

bad
-white legs+spider veins+swimsuit=yiiiikes

good
-someone always looks worse than you do

bad-compared to me, someone else looks better...

good-Nubbin loves the pool

bad-constantly trying to keep the kid from drowning himself while plowing head first into the deep end of the kiddie pool. No fear, the kid has no fear.

good-the pool is a popular place

baaaaaaad-the pool is a popular place. Can you say cryptosporidium?

good-I like popsicles

bad- my white shirt does not share the same affiliation

good-it's not snowing anymore

And I really can't think of any more bad things. I mean I'm happy dealing with the underboob sweat and elbow perspiration. I'm fine and dandy with it really. NO MORE SNOW EVER. Except it's inevitable. And I'll love it when it gets here for a month or so. Except it's not snowing so let's not discuss any of that because did you know?

It's JUNE HOMIES!