Friday, May 29, 2009

do work son

When your kid wakes up at what feels like the crack of dawn, you might as well throw your entire day in the blender, slap a lid on it and hit puree. I know you know what I'm talking about. You find yourself feeding the baby lunch at 10 am, and wondering why your shorter half isn't home yet when you look at the clock and realize it's only 2:00 in the afternoon. It's like entering the twilight zone. I'm fighting the urge to crawl back in my pillow top king size, tuck the covers over my shoulders and hunker down for a good nap.

And I would,

if there weren't so many things to be done around these parts. Things I've already put off for extensive amounts of time, procrastination might as well be the middle name my parents never gave me. Exciting things like scrubbing bathrooms, folding midget sized laundry, replenishing my freezer with baby food, planning meals for the next week, never ending vacuuming (Gus is on my top ten list of "things that currently drive me insane"), on top of putting together a few writing samples and sharpening the old resume. Do you know anyone who needs some freelance copy writing done? I'm available, do a good job and have a fantastic editor, seriously, she's great I'll even leave the swear words out Everyone wins. This is called networking ,in a lazy sort of way.

These things that need my attention are good things, things that give me a sense of accomplishment when I check them off my proverbial list. I'm working on balancing the demands in my life better, on having a legit answer for my spouse when he asks me, "so what'd you do today?".

I'm needing inspiration, motivation, caffienation, you get the idea. The little kids in my neighborhood are running around outside like crazy people. Today is the last day of school. I guess summer really is here after all, it's about time!

Today I give you this...

Have you seen the new Prius commerical? I love it. It brings joy to my life. And it's genius, GENIUS. Toyota, damn you and your marketing ninjas! You've got me, you've got me! Prius, someday you will be mine, by the time I can afford you I'll probably have 4 kids so I hope you come in jumbo form.

Be inspired and get crackin'.

Happy Friday!

* my loving spouse asked me to clarify to everyone that the midget clothes I'm folding belong to our son and not him.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I tweet therefore I am

you can find me

RIGHT HERE (it's a link, click on it already)

at last

mamakalli is the name

look me up yo,

I'm a lonely bird in the twitter tree

need me some followers or whatever

Monday, May 25, 2009

to remember

I've always loved Memorial Day. It's probably the only day where I don't see cemeteries as places to generally avoid. Memorial Day makes me think of fragrant lilacs clipped from the abundant bush outside my grandmother's window, placed lovingly in buckets of water and carefully arranged around the graves of my grandfather, great-grandparents, tiny baby niece and infant cousin. Every May we'd make that short drive to the quaint Shell Creek Cemetery located where the road curves right and continues on down through one of the most beautiful farm and ranch valleys you've ever seen. My mother and grandmother always made sure the weeds were pulled clear, the grass was clipped neat, and all the headstones in our family plot were appropriately garnished with bundles of purple lilacs, deep blue irises, and plush, pink peonies (if the weather was warm and we were lucky enough), the very best their gardens had to offer.

My family has a rich history of serving this country. My dad was an army man, I have uncles who served in Vietnam, Korea, and Desert Storm. A niece served overseas, my nephew served a tour in Iraq and is currently on active duty in San Diego. We're a military family. We're a pioneer family too. The ancestors on my father's side emigrated from Denmark to help settle the Sanpete Valley. They built the Manti temple, the second temple ever to be completed in the West, the temple I married in. No wonder I love it so much. My great-great grandparents on my mother's side helped settle the Big Horn Basin in Wyoming. They carved farms out of nothing, dug canals, built towns and churches, increased their families and served their communities.

Memorial Day gives me occasion to remember these things and these people who built their legacies for me to learn from. They gave me a foundation grounded solid in service and hard work, on families and love for their God and country. Their blood runs through my veins and that makes me proud. They are who I remember today, who my mother and grandmother honored every Memorial Day before, who's example I hope to live up to someday.

I come from good stock, and good stock is what I produce as evidenced by this little man.

Happy Memorial Day

Thursday, May 21, 2009

it is your birthday

There are few things better in this life than a piece of hot toast with peanut butter and honey and a bowl of crispity crunchity grapes. If a grape has even the slightest bit of give I will not eat it, I WILL NOT! Crunchy grapes are where it's at. This morning I am enjoying both the toast with pb&h and crunchy grapes, grapes I bought at my new favorite Wal-Mart (yes I said WAl-MART) for only .87 cents a pound, bargain! But Kalli, you say in shock, aren't you a sworn enemy of the Wal-Marts and loyal only to Target, the motherland? To this I answer yes and no. I am a loyalist of the Motherland, always will be. Except I am on a financial fast and that means I'm not allowed to step foot inside that place unless I have a specific directive like "buy Target brand onesies for your son who weighs as much as a baby elephant and has outgrown everything in his wardrobe". That I can do. Everything else is a no go. I can't even get a whiff of that place without my knees buckling in anticipation of the clothing isle. Did you see the new summer dresses in jersey knit? They're so long, so boho, so lovely. Except I remember that I already have two from last summer's great gestation of '08 which are new to me since I get to wear them sans giant belly this time.

See, when God closes an automatic Target door, he opens a window to my closet that is already full. And there is your deep thought for the day. Carry on.

Thursdays are good days. I like Thursdays. During the winter Thursday means good shows are on the telly. Year round it means that the next day is Friday and then it's the weekend, all good things in my book. The Nub was born on a Wednesday which means he turns 1 on a Thursday this year. Craaaazy! Today it means my shorter half is having a birthday, I am attempting my mother-in-law's Czech (or something or the other) recipe for goulash, and we will be having dessert and special times together. I love special times, don't you?

so happy birthday plobster
you only turn 33 on a Thursday once

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

how we do

We had to turn on the air conditioning last night. Thanks to the great gestation of '08, last summer's AC bill was so financially scarring that I've been hell bent on waiting until June to flip that magical switch. Except last night the townhouse transformed into a sweaty inferno of unpleasantness and I couldn't even sit on the couch without getting behind the knee perspiration and that's just wrong.


on it went

and we slept like the dead.

Hello summer. I've been waiting for you.

My boyfriend Bobby Flay is on the telly. Bobby is the majority reason why I miss my direcTV, Bobby and his throwdowns and iron chef showdowns (yuk yuk yuk). I've only seen him lose once, ONCE! Iron chef Flay, I salute you. And I don't care if you don't like him. He's my boyfriend, not yours. So bite it.

I've got a kitchen to clean, laundry to fold and some plants to pot. I only got one tomato plant this summer. I just can't handle another tomato-tastrophe like the last two years so one plant is gonna have to cut it for us. I've also got an egg carton full of herbs that I need to transfer. I swear, the domesticity is pouring out of my EARS. One place I really need to hit up is the Provo Farmer's Market. Have you gone, is it great, should I go, meet me there?

The hublet's birfday is on Thursday. That means cake. And I like cake. Also, it is the season 5 premier of SYTYCD, and how. Except I still hate Mary Murphy. Okay I don't hate her truly and deeply. I don't hate anyone, unless your thighs don't touch. Then for reals, I hate you. And actually, commenting on her wardrobe choices is a real highlight for me. So Mary, welcome back. I'm not sure how you can top your pirate hooker ensemble from last year, but by golly I bet you'll try.

Seacrest out.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I'll be watching...

have I ever talked about how much I love journey?

I love journey

Sunday, May 17, 2009

8:30 am for RILLS

if you're going to sprout an extra head
it might as well be cute like this one

Something weird happened a few weeks ago. The heavens opened, the stars aligned, my chakras synchronized, or maybe I finally harnessed all the powers of the secret...

Our church time got moved from 2:30 pm to 8:30 am.

That is LEGIT.

When they announced it from the pulpit I could have sworn I heard angels singing. I almost stood up and shouted AYYYYYMEN BROTHERS and SISTERS and can I add a HALLELUJAH while I'm at it?!?! (! one more exclamation point/? mark, just in case)?! I may or may not have high fived my shorter half and did myself a little victory shuffle in the hallway.

Today was our first day at the new time and we got home at 11:30 am after. Did you read that right? 11:30 A.M. Miracles do happen. I am here to testify.

This is when I know that truly God loves me, I mean besides all of the other reasons and stuff.

After this morning's great reaffirmation of faith, I ate waffles, I took a nap, I made a dang quesadilla, we tried the Nub out in his "new" (craigslist I love youuuuu) kelty kids carrier backpack. We got sweaty on a little stroll though the golf course, the dingo dog went swimming in the creek. It was frakking fantastic.

So basically,

I have a testimony of early church and I thought you should know.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009


things that do not suck (like insurance):

*rediscovering your summer wardrobe after 2 years in hibernation

*said summer wardrobe magically FITS

*realization that dreaded baby weight really is gonzo, hip and hooray

*sudden boost in self-esteem and urge to go shopping

*pride in resisting urge to go shopping

*free HD channels

*gloooorious sun!

*freckles, they're nice

*the yog stroller, we LOVE it, occasionally we'll even use it for yogging...

*idiot proof recipes

*cherry coke

the end

and you're welcome

can I borrow a soap box?


I think we can all agree on the tenderness of my shorter half and his blog hacking Mother's Day tribute. For the record, I've told him like 16 million times what my login and password are, you know just in case, but thanks to chronic attention deficit hyperactivity disorder he still struggled when it came down to the business of remembering. He is tender and loving, I know. I heart my boys, I really do.

My first ever Mother's Day was all kinds of glorious. Two days of sleeping in, breakfast made ready, no cleaning, new skirt, deeelightful I tell you. We should do this kind of junk once a month instead of once a year. To ice my proverbial mother cake, my boy started crawling yesterday. Just up and gone like a lumbering godzilla terrorizing little Japan (thanks for that Natalie). My bookshelf will never be the same again and Gus has taken to hiding upstairs for fear of attack.

But on to the real reason for this post.

I had a mini panic attack this morning when Hub called me and said he had gotten our new insurance plan all figured out at work and everything was good and dandy except we can't patronize an IHC hospital and he didn't know if our doctors were providers. Shoobedowha? We live in Utah, IHC is everywhere, how can we not go to IHC? The hospital I delivered the Nub at is half a mile away from our house and is IHC. Nub's pediatrician? Across the street from said hospital and IHC. Across the hall from my pediatrician-my beloved OB/GYN who is also, you guessed it, IHC. Cue freakout. I start hyperventilating about how I don't want to deliver (my next baby, helloooo! not currently pregnant) at some crap non-IHC hospital where they make you share a room, the nurses have cold hands, and who knows what other weirdness, and I loooooveeee my doctors and nooooooooo I'm not switching, I won't! He hangs up. So I call him back and start harrassing him about how this is ridiculous and can we petition and I will NOT stand for this ridiculosity. I can practically hear him rolling his eyes and mentally flipping me off on the other end of the phone as he let out a great big sigh of exasperation.

Kalli are you serious? Can we talk about this when I get home?

me: noooooooo I have to talk about this NOW!!

I badger him with questions he doesn't know, make him promise he'll ask the HR lady and then make about 20 other phone calls to my doctor's office and to the plan provider to see what type of plan it really is and what the eff! All of them are telling me the same thing, just wait until you get your card and go from there. But honestly, if we've learned anything about me at all, we know that I AM NOT GOOD AT WAITING.

Finally after calling the stupid insurance company itself my worst fears are indirectly confirmed and I think I have to switch doctors and now I am PISSED. Even though much could change between now and the next time I have a baby, that doesn't help me one bit. I'm sort of a doomsday thinker, plan for the worst and get pleasantly surprised if things turn out otherwise, you know? It's my nature, I can't help it.

And this, ladies and ladies (let's be honest, there are probably no dudes who read this blog), is why the health care system in America SUCKS. I can't even pick my own preferred doctor and hospital because my insurance plan dictates otherwise and apparently runs my life. I feel like picketing the white house, writing letters to my congressman and forcing Obama to get back on this issue (major campaign promise, remember my presidential friend?) and stop bailing out idiot companies like AIG instead.

Something has got to change.

I can't trust my lady parts to just anyone, you know?

so you tell me...

if you live in the Salt Lake Valley and/or have experience with a non-IHC hospital and/or doctor then please, do describe. Timpanogas Regional Sucks, I know. I won't be going there, ever.

Let me reiterate, I AM NOT PREGNANT.

I just like to be prepared.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mothers day

After about thirty password attempts the hub and nub have finally figured out the blogger password and have infiltrated "My life as a Kalli".  

We just want to wish the greatest mom in the entire world a happy mothers day!  

We mean no offense to all of the other great moms out there today but we think our mom (wife) is the greatest.  We love everything about her,  and don't know what we would do without her.  

We think that she is the prettiest, smartest, funniest, nicest, and any other ...est you can think of.  



Thursday, May 7, 2009

sticky note stuff

Frick and frack man, I have so much to do but I find myself sitting on the couch doing this instead. My peanut is down for a nap, blessed child that he is. I was up until midnight mod-podging my little heart to pieces, what is it about mod-podge that makes time fly by? I don't know. All I do know is I am tiiiiiireeeeed.

Do you ever find yourself thinking "if I can just get through this week, the next won't be so crazy"? Of course you do, it's a human condition. So unless you're a bionic fem bot like Martha Stewart then you feel me on this one.

I think I need a better organization system. Or I need to make more lists. I had an insane co-worker once who was a sticky note addict. I'm serious, that chick had sticky notes on every useable surface she could find. All she did, besides crick her neck compulsively, was make lists and stick them everywhere. I'm not sure if it worked or not, she was weird, but at least she had it written down somewhere. I think I should make a list every morning when I wake up and see how the day progresses from there. So either we'll have a lot of sticky notes laying around or crap is going to get done, or maybe both.

I'm going for crap getting done.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

morning glory

photobooth month '09!
good flippin' morning homies
hump day
occasion enough to post pictures of myself on the internets with no makeup and bed head
no shame, NO SHAME!
the baby should be distraction enough to detract from my lovely mug
 he's cute, I KNOW!

I don't even have anything of worth to talk about other than the fact that I sat through a 3 hour church meeting last night and it wasn't even Sunday.  5 points for me.  I also realize that I have the emotional maturity of a 3 year old because there were no snacks at this meeting and that upset me a great deal.  I'm sorry, but meetings should always involve snacks to some degree.  I think I'm hypoglycemic or something.  Or I just like food.  Either way, if you are hoping for any sort of contribution from me then there better be a platter of chips and salsa involved. 

Consider yourself warned.  

Monday, May 4, 2009

c'mon baby let the good times roll

My name is Kalli
and I've suddenly decided that I am back on the proper capitalization and punctuation train. I've also recently discovered photo booth.  Obviously, the self-absorbed narcissist in me LOVES IT.  No longer do I have to angle my arm just so to take pictures of myself, THE COMPUTER DOES IT FOR ME.  And so, in celebration, I hereby deem May "photo booth month 2009".  Get excited and you are welcome in advance.  

Remember my Sweetcheeks?  
She spent a few days and nights at casa de verbie last week.  That little pistol is something other to behold.  I luff that gorgeous almost 2 year old, and her mama.  Sisters and their red headed babies are the best.  Let me tell you something else... two kids is no joke man.  I think I've said that exact phrase no less than 30 times over the last few days.  I want to say it again just for emphasis' sake.  TWO KIDS IS NO JOKE.  One baby, fine and well.  One baby and a two year old?   HELLOoooooo crazy!  I think after that point, like once you recover from the initial chaos of it all,  it would just be the more the merrier.  Tell me that's the case, or just lie. That works too.  

I've spent most of the last 24 hours in the hospital with my dear friendy as she huffed and puffed and squeezed out a beautiful new baby boy, Mr. Finn. He's perfectly lovely.  It was a good day to be born I'd say.  I trucked the Nub back and forth to and from the hospital, to the airport, and back to the hospital again.  Nothing but smiles and happy squawks from my little blobbit.  Ooooh he was so good.  That whole hospital and birth experience brings back an entire wave of goodness to my heart.  I can't wait to do it again.  Except say it with me now, TWO KIDS IS NO JOKE!  So maybe we'll take a raincheck on that for the present.  

My plate is so very full and my brain is clicking away like a crazy person.  Spring.  It's fantastic, huh?  Change is all about.  Did I tell you about my new job at church?  Let me preface this by saying I've managed to fly under the radar for close to a year now.  No calling, no visiting teaching, no cares, no worries, free to eat my treats and text message in Sunday School all.I.want.  Not so much anymore.  Welcome to the Relief Society Presidency, Kalli.   

Go ahead and yuk it up. 

I haven't served in a presidency since Young Women, and I swear that was only by default since there were like 4 girls in my entire ward.  I dropped out of Young Women soon after that anyway.  That medal of honor or arrow of light necklace award thingy?  Whatever that is... was far beyond my reach.  I am so unqualified it's silly.  However, as someone reminded me this week, I am Connie's daughter and her Relief Society loving, service giving, love of all that is holy blood runs thick and true through my veins so I will go forth boldly, nobly (ahem), and with as much virtue as I can muster.  Look out 11th ward enrichment night, the winds of change are a blowin'.

Needless to say I am girding my proverbial loins.  

Wish me luck people.  I could sure frakking use it.  

*if you want to know more about the LDS church and the crazy things we members do than please, by all means CLICK HERE!