Thursday, January 15, 2009

{on the job training}

and so, the saga of my blind foray into motherhood continues...

this whole "mommy" thing has NOT been the easiest of transitions for me even though i planned for the Nub. i worked hard for the Nub. i prayed and cried and gave blood for the Nub. i guess i just thought that the mothering aspect of things would come naturally and i'd know how to handle my own kid once he finally got here. i mean i have like 50 billion nieces and nephews, 100 trillion cousins and oh, i used to nanny for pity's sake. old pro=me.

except not so much.

sometimes {most of the time} i feel like it's my first day on the job and someone forgot to give me the instruction manual. even now, 5 months later, every day is something new. or something old, like the constant battle between mother and child that is sleep. once i feel like i've got a good grasp on things he throws me another curve ball. somedays i feel like i'd bargain with the devil if i could only have 20 friggin' minutes alone. i spend so much time on the phone with my mom asking questions and whining about how i don't know what i'm doing, hiding in the pantry talking in whispered tones. bless her, she is my salvation

it's the small victories that count. like today. after 2 weeks of nap boycott, the connie suggested i get out the swing and give it another go. and you know what, it worked. he's out. has been out for almost an hour. i could cry with joy.

motherhood and i, we'll be on the same page someday. before i know it i'll be the one dishing out advice on the other line while my own daughter tries to keep it together.

until then it's my turn to learn.