Monday, September 29, 2008

{3 am}

if you're ever rocking your baby back to sleep and wondering why the top of his head smells so sour...

realize it comes from you kissing him with your own stank dragon breath

poor kid

Friday, September 26, 2008

{i used to be obsessed with surveys}

in college, my favorite skizzy and i were obsessed with emailing each other these surveys like "if you were a color what would you be?" and "how long have we known each other?". turns out the blog world caught on and nowsadays they're called tags. i used to thing that getting "tagged" was never a good thing but for the sake of ignorance let's pretend we don't know about that other definition mmmkay? since i'm empty for blog fodder i thought i'd answer this one from stef with an f and give you all a glimpse into my sordid past...

the one about puberty and high school:

1. Did you date someone from your high school: uh, no. not really. relationships in my high school were recycled continuously, two couples would stop dating and then swap partners and it kind of grossed me out. plus i was wholly unattractive in high school, that did not help.

2. What kind of car did you drive? ahhh, the smurf, she was a powder blue 1981 honda civic hatchback. then i drove into the back of the town mayor's dodge truck at a crosswalk in front of my highschool during my lunch hour sophomore year, the smurf died a slow death after that. then it was a totally cholo firebird where my dad rigged the {tinted} drivers side window to go up and down with a hanger. guh-hetto hot. then senior year i got a pontiac grand am, what a lady that car was.

3. What is your most embarrassing moment in high school?: the whole 4 years?

4. Were you a party animal?: if you count kickin' it with connie on a saturday night then HELLS YEAH

5. Were you considered a flirt?: can you flirt if you have a mug full of crooked teeth and eyebrows straight out of sesame street? me thinks not.

6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?: who wasn't? yeesh.

7. Were you a nerd? : scroll back to question 5 please. at least i wasn't in the drama club. or the speech club, man those guys were serious nerds. jay kay melanie, jay kay.

8. Were you on any varsity teams?: the good Lord finally blessed me with some coordination at some point during my adolescence {his way of saying "sorry" for the snaggle teeth and eyebrows}. Track, Volleyball and Basketball oh my!

9. Did you get suspended/expelled?: the closest i came is when my math teacher {prick} sent me to the principal's office my junior year after i blanked on giving him the answer to a simple multiplication problem {giant prick}, like he thought i'd been cheating. it was a brain fart and i've never been good at math anyway {i blame the big horn county school system}. i'm seriously getting pissed sitting here thinking about it. what a prick. i hate you mr. koch.

10. Can you still sing the fight song?: when your mother is the booster club pres {yay connie!} you learn it and you learn it well. go buffs.

11. Who were your favorite teachers?: mr. menke. even after he flipped out on me in a fit of nicotine withdrawl in front of the freshman english class i was for. that wasn't pretty.

12. Where did you sit during lunch?: in someone's car at the A&W. or else i went home, connie made better food anyway.

13. School Mascot?: buffalo, we were the lady buffaloes. does that technically make us cows?

14. Did you go to homecoming and with who?: homecoming was like any other dance in my high school, lame and everyone left early to get plowed and possibly get pregnant. pretty sure i went though and who knows who my "date" was. WAIT, it was mr. menke's son one year. pretty sure i asked him since i was 0-0 on the whole getting asked out thing at that point.

15. If you could go back and do it again, would you?: you could not pay me enough

16. What do you remember most about graduation?: how effing LONG it was. like why did my lame-o principal take the time to hug each and every one of us and wait for us to take our flowers to our parents before calling out the next person's name? there were only 37 of us, we should have been in and out of there in 45 minutes. i even wrote my dumb speech to be short on purpose. no one liked you mr. principal, in fact i'm pretty sure you were gay.

17. Where did you go senior skip day?: yellowstone, isn't that where everyone goes? no? huh.

18. Have you gained weight since then?: i just had a baby {everyone else in my high school had already accomplished this BEFORE we graduated} so yes, i am a bit plumper i must admit.

19. Who was your prom date?: billy {he made out with my friend at the prom}, jimmy {who spoke maybe 4 words to me the whole time} and jeff {my best friend's little brother, yup, i went there}. oh the proms.

20. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion?: not willingly but pretty sure as class president i'm in charge. looks like we'll be going to the A&W and having our mixer there. root beer for everyone!

21. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself?: tweeze

Thursday, September 25, 2008

{a nub in overalls}

it's like a rite of passage to put your kid in overalls at some point in their babyhood
the nub's time came over the weekend

as you can see he was overjoyed

we moved past that milestone quickly
thanks to the giant poo that later oozed out of his dipe and all over everywhere

i love little boys

Saturday, September 20, 2008

{my own personal everest}

how to get back into your jeans 5 weeks postpartum:

1. wash but don't dry the jeans
2. when still slightly damp, shimmy and tug your way into them
3. pull on waistband, stretching denim to comfort
4. walk around the house doing deep lunges and squats until pants fit accordingly
5. suck in muffin top and arch spine to flatten back fat for photo
6. strategically take picture from the side as photo evidence that said jeans really ARE on



honestly, how cute is he?

Monday, September 15, 2008

{programming note}

I'm sorry that my blog sucks lately, that I post sporadically, that I've become one of "those" people who's life is too insane right now to think about anything other than eating, sleeping, diaper changes, and how to get my baby to stop crying.

Until then, the Nub and I thank you as we adjust to being awesome together.

I leave you with this plea and the promise that it won't be like this forever:

{LOVE the swiffer commercials!}

Sunday, September 7, 2008

{the nub's first photo shoot}

Nubby has his first photo shoot done at 2 weeks old by our talented {and patient} friend
Maggi Quackenbush
{she did my family pics a few months ago too, remember?}
magically she got great shots out of a very unwilling subject
{he's way more interested in bottles and boobies than pictures}

Since I've joined the mormon mommy blogger ranks
here's several gratuitous shots of my kid
because I think he's fantastically awesome

if you're in the market for an affordable and absolutely terrif photographer
give Maggi a call
promise you won't be sorry!
thanks Maggi!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

{Public Service Request}

friends and neighbors,

due to my extreme fear of serial weirdos on the internet, i would greatly appreciate you removing my last name from your blog roll should you find your blog roll contains my last name in the first place. feel free to give me whatever kind of nickname you would prefer instead. K to the izzle, kalli ko, hormonal train wreck, crazy person who shares too much information, even just plan Kalli works fine; i careth not so long as my last name isn't involved.

thanks for indulging me. i'm off to triple check my locks and make sure i have the popo's on speed dial, toootally not paranoid, i swear!


Wednesday, September 3, 2008

{the good parts of my day}

I'm finding that motherhood involving newborns is very time consuming {shocker!!}. He wakes, he latches on, he nurses for 30 seconds than falls asleep, I tickle him and try desperately to keep him awake, and we start the whole cycle all over again and repeat another 50 times. People, if you're wondering what I do all day it's that. I apologize in advance for the visual, but most days I sit around in my underwear until about 10 or 11 am and after that it's whatever I can find in my closest with an elastic band. Good thing I have an extensive collection of gauchos and sweatpants or else I'd be up poo creek without a paddle. I'm learning that my inability to get anywhere on time has been even further exacerbated and that going anywhere with a baby requires enough equipment for a small army. But at least I have an excuse now, Sorry I'm late, I just had a baby you know...

I've had to accept defeat and get back together with my dermatologist. We had our first reunion this morning and my face already feels a little bit better {why do I love getting extractions done so much?}. Today when the good Dr. was injecting my problem areas full of zit killing super potion I kept fantasizing that this much be what it feels like to get botox. And then I imagined I lived in Beverly Hills, had awesome hair {and a rather impressive set of sweater bunnies}, drove a benz and had a yappy dog named Manolo that I carried around in my ohsohot Louis Vuitton doggy purse. Then the Nub squawked from his perch in the carseat and I came back to reality, which in my personal opinion is vastly superior. I've got the impressive sweater bunnies thing nailed at this point anyway, thanks son! Why I'm fantasizing about botox in the first place is beyond me.

Speaking of the Nub, if you'd like to see the definition of "milk drunk", see exhibit "A" below
he even has a milk 'stache if you look closely enough!

car-seat hair
Currently the Nub is nested into my chest sound asleep thanks to the sleepywrap {best invention ever! hands free, whoo hoo!}. I'm catching up on 3 weeks worth of emails and wondering how come I'm not asleep too? The hub/daddy will be home in a couple hours to feed us and bathe us and make sure the aftermath of tornado MommyNub gets cleaned up. I'm thinking about whipping up a batch of cookie dough to eat since it's all I can think about these last few days. Mmmm... raw cookie dough! Boo muffin top.