R.I.P.

Nature...

Goulet!!

Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel

I feel like I've been spewing out blogging crap lately, like I'm a volcano full of useless words shooting out into oblivion. I'm not really sure how to remedy this other than to get a life.

Hub has been sick now for like 17 years (or 1 week, whatever). I really start to question my potential mothering skills when he gets sick because after about 2 days it seems like I lose all sympathy. Here's Hub, lying on the couch in a nest of used kleenex, red rings around his nasal passages, his dried lips rubbing together as he wheezes out a reqest for a glass of water.

And here's me, rolling my eyes and muttering under my breath that it's all in his head and that 4 days is way too long to be sick and I secretly think he's faking it even though I know he's not. Something is wrong with me. I should be healing him with my love and glorious caretaking skills, er, or...whatever.

I'm really making an effort this time around though, to be caring and loving. Mostly because I'm afraid it will come back to bite me in the hiney when I get sick and no one will want to take care of me, and that would really suck. Who would go to the store and buy me treats and rent me movies?? I'm all about the give and receive relationships. I should probably work on that too, the whole giving without the expectation of receiving. Sheesh. I promise my mom really did do a good job when she raised me. It's just that this is my blog and I can say what I want and sometimes this stuff comes out. Like a volcano of uselessness, remember?

I have to get my costume together for Wednesday's Halloween work party. Because nothing is cooler than a bunch of adults acting like they really enjoy typing up their expense reports while wearing a costume. Really people, I'd rather be wearing my sweatpants. Maybe I should go as Weekend Kalli, kind of like Weekend Barbie, if they made a Weekend Barbie. I'd wear sweatpants and no bra and forget to fix my hair that day. Sexy time!

We do have high stakes where I work, first prize for most awesomest costume is $1500 smackers. Hub thinks I should go as a pyramid scheme (given the type of company I work for), I'm not exactly sure how to pull that off though. I personally liked Rochelle's idea of going as polygamists, see it here. Because we're Mormon, and dressing up like polygamists is funny. Because we used to be polygamists. Get it?

Send me your ideas. They need to be simple though, because remember I'm craft retarded.

And now I'm off to get a life. Or go to bed. Sweet.

Wasted

It's 1:00 pm and I haven't showered yet today. I'm still in my sweatpants, and it's awesome. Hub was up at 5 am yakking, I was babysitting my niece, Sweetcheeks, Gus was passed out on his couch (that's right, he has his own couch, in his own room, it's ridiculous), so the shower had to wait. Maybe after I finish this post I'll revisit the issue. But probably not.

Sometimes it's okay to be lazy. Like this:

Just so you know, I used to go to this gym. It's in Point Loma, CA and I was a regular during my SD days. And yes Alanis, it is indeed ironic. The escalators I mean. I could never make myself take them no matter how sore I was, but it was pretty funny to give dirty looks to the people who did. Because obviously I was so much better than them.

Convention is over and I survived, though it was touch and go toward the end. There were a few people who narrowly escaped with their lives, as I was seriously contemplating how it would feel to spend the rest of my life in jail for the multiple homicides I was about to commit. There's a lot of excessive use of the color orange (orange silk shirts, orange beards, orange hair, orange pants...), some lady got a hold of a bedazzle machine and bedazzled everything she could find including her hat, jacket, pants, and purse, and she wasn't the only one, bless their bedazzled hearts.

But it's over. Hallelujah it's over. Back to my non-bedazzled world tomorrow. Today I will just enjoy being lazy.

Hiatus

I'm working, at the annual convention for my gracious employer, so you might not hear much from me for a few days.

long days and late hours is all I have to say

I got home at 10:30 pm tonight, thanks to a flat tire and my inability to figure out how to get my spare out from it's snug spot up under the rear of my SUV. And after I assured my dear hub that I was just fine and told him I didn't need help and I could do it all by myself, I had to call and tell him that I WAS WRONG, and I needed a good rescuing. And rescue he did.
What a gem.

All I needed was a freakin' flashlight and I would have been able to do it on my own... Note to self: keep flashlight in car for next time.

And now I'm tired. And my feet hurt. And I am ready to slip into the sweet embrace of my high thread count sheets. Only 2 days of convention left...

Good Things Kalli

I went to visit the salon today

and I got my hair did

just a touchup, you know

I have trust issues when it comes to hairstylists

There is a lot of power to be found in weilding a pair of scissors

if you know what I mean

I have serious fears that my hair will end a shade short of scary

and then there was that one time the stylist decided to "experiment" with the color

and I ended up looking asian

asian looking+kalli=not so attractive

*shiver

luckily, we avoided that with today's visit

and I don't look asian

which is good because the only people that look good asian...

are asians, yes?

I am a now a pro at taking pictures of myself
especially with my blackberry
since I forgot the cord to my camera at work
and I haven't been there in like 5 days
(that's another good thing about today, no office AGAIN!)

Here's what's gracing my kitchen table
hydrangeas
i.love.them.

So let's recap:
hair: good

kalli looking asian: avoided
hairstylist: good
picture taking skills: sort of good

days out of the office: 5
hydrangeas: delightful

***and if you get a sec, swing on over to Laura's spot (here) and wish her a happy birthday!!**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA!!!

wha???

Gus is back to his old self, begging for food and shedding everywhere. Although you should see his surgery site, so weird looking. I'm told eventually it completely shrinks up like he never had a set in the first place, but for now it looks pretty weird. I seriously thought about posting a picture, and then I realized that would be gross. So I didn't, and you're welcome. This morning he barfed up an entire ball of yarn, I'm not even kidding. Hub said it was from a chew toy that disappeared a few weeks ago. We've been wondering why he's been randomly barfing, and now we know why. This stupid chew toy has been sitting in his gullet for 2 weeks. Nice. All of this makes it sound like my house is one of those gross houses where people let their dogs run loose. It's not. My house is very clean, I swear. I'm kind of neurotic about it in fact.

Cori is sending me something in the mail, and I'm excited.
If you don't know this about me, you should: I love, love, love getting things in the mail. Especially if it's not a bill. Cards, catalogs, packages especially. Amazon and I have a very special relationship for this very reason. So in advance, thanks Cori, you will have made my day.


Did you guys hear about this: a middle school in Portland, Maine is now providing birth control pills at the school health center (they already provide condoms and have since 2000), I repeat, a middle school. When I was in 7th grade all I could think about was how awkward I was. I guarantee relations of that kind were just about the farthest thing from my mind, though there were a few kids in my class who thought otherwise. However, by the time we got through high school and reached graduation those numbers had increased dramatically, something like 9 out of my graduating class of 37 were parents (or were well on their way to being parents, it was Wyoming people). It seems like most of the girls in my class were on the pill and got pregnant anyway. Huh?

Here is my question: Is this school doing the right thing, or are they just throwing fuel on the fire? Is it time to accept this sort of thing as something we have to adapt to, or do we keep fighting to keep our kids from abstaining in the first place.

Read the article HERE, and tell me what you think.

Doggy Depression

Monday was a no good, very bad day for

Gus

Monday he had an appointment at the Vet

Monday he lost his manhood

or doghood

or whatever...

Behold the face of doggie depression:

you know who else was depressed?

Hub

you would have thought he'd lost his manhood too

(don't worry, he didn't)

Poor, Poor Gus

He paid me back for making him a soprano by keeping me up all night

poor poor Kalli

Suffering through the Sabbath

Fast and Testimony meeting is so awkward...

Today we had the pleasure of hearing from one of our regulars. This dear sister let us know how her dog was doing and took the time to thank her veterinarian for his good care. She kept us updated on their family struggles, including a wayward step-son who apparently is "VERY disrespectful" (let's hope he wasn't in the congregation) . She told us all about the problems she's had with her uterus. Hearing the word "uterus" from the pulpit made my day. If only she'd thrown in "fallopian tube" I would have been set for a week.

It was the kind of testimony that makes you cringe and wiggle around uncomfortably. The kind that makes you wish you had a giant hook to clothsline them off the stand. The kind of testimony you find yourself laughing at uncontrollably (don't worry, we were keeping a low profile in the back row), laughing to the point where the 2nd counselor in your bishopric notices and finds you later to say "you were doing what I was thinking". It was awesome.

Almost as awesome as the time Hub bet me to see if I would say "meow" in my talk.

"meow... brothers and sisters"

Man I love being Mormon.

a bounteous feast

Yes, the scones were incredible.

I'm not quite sure of the exact number consumed by myself, but it was plenty.
I had to stop after the children started complaining since there were no scones left on the table for them, and when my pants wouldn't button anymore, that's always a good "stop now" sign.

Tonight we're going to Buca di Peppo's with the inlaws. I am excited for the bounteous overeating that will commence. In fact, I'm currently in the process of mentally and physically preparing myself for the occasion. This involves visualization excercises and stomach calisthenics (contract, expand, contract, expand).

Ken and Carol raised a good boy. I was feeling a little agitation as I attended last night's family event solo due to the fact that he stayed late at work. I was bummed to be honest, drowning my sorrows in scone after scone and feeling sorry for myself. But dear Hub, he finished up his work as fast as he could and drove all the way out there, bearing a gift to boot!

I love him.


Happy, Happy Friday my friends!!

Confessions of a Thursday Afternoon

I always get excited about Thursdays.

Obvious reason: Thursday night t.v. hEllo

Additional reason: tomorrow is Friday, one day closer to my weekend!

I'm also excited about tonight not because I have to attend a family gathering, but because the family gathering is taking place at the former Oak Crest Inn, or Pepperidge Farms as it's now known, located at the base of Spanish Fork Canyon. The Oak Crest has played host to numerous a family gathering. Mostly because it's less W.T. than a Denny's, the price range is reasonable, the food is pretty good, pre-senior citizens (i.e. my parents) love it, and they accomodate large groups. Plus, they have SCONES. That's right-deep fried, honeybutter covered nuggets of joy. I'm hoping no one wants to talk to me during dinner because I'll be face down in some scones.

hot. lovely. scones.
all. night. or until i feel sick, either way

Right now I'm sitting here at my desk, finishing up some busy work, setting appointments and whatnot

contemplating whether or not to dive into credit card statements

I vote not.

I appreciate all of the birthday feedback. Hub has been checking the comments religiously.

I think I'm in like flynn for the brown dress

(though I'm having 2nd thoughts, the green is SO cute too!)

still searching for shoes...

thinking cute t-strap?

still looking for the perfect wedge, not too high

my feet are paying the price for my stilletto days I tell you

Keep the suggestions coming! November 16th is still a month away afterall...

Listening to some Sufjan Stevens

(perfect music for a Thursday afternoon)

trying to figure out what exactly what it means when he says

"to be alone with me you went up on a tree"

???

if you figure it out let me know

10 min and I'm outta here

gotta go do some scone eating prep

Birthday Blues

So I've been doing a little research as to what I'd like for my birthday (coming up next month). You know those people who don't like other people to make a big deal about their birthdays? Well I wish I was one of them, and I try to act like I am, but I'm not. Secretly I like it when people make a fuss out of the day I entered this world and no, I don't think I should have to go to work that day, or lift a finger, or really do anything for that matter. It's the one day that is all about ME, and I think we should celebrate. Besides, I'm turning 26 this year which means that I am on the downward slope of my 20's and halfway up the next hill to my 30's.

I especially like it when I get good surprises. I will say this right now though, I am not an easy person to surprise thanks to my naturally nosy (we'll say inquisitive) nature, and my overpowering need to control everything and everyone around me (this makes me sound crazy, I'm not, well, maybe I am a little crazy, oh well). Poor Hub, he couldn't even keep it a secret from me the day he went down and asked my parents if he could marry me. I practically beat it out of him until he spilled the details. He redeemed himself with the actual proposal though. Good one Hub, I was indeed surprised.

Anyway, back to the point. Last year I really wanted these boots that I had been coveting for ages (my beloved ugg boots), and poor Hub, bless his heart, he really did try to find them for me. All of Utah was sold out and it seemed so was all of the world, there was nary an ugg to be found, not the kind I wanted anyway... Who knew ugly sheepskin boots could be so popular? Long story short, I got a kitchenaid instead and bought the ugg boots for myself for Christmas (sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands).

This year I am at a loss as to what gift I would like to receive (wow that sounds selfish). No major clothing item stands out in my mind and I am all stocked up on ugg boots. I pretty much have everything and anything I ever wanted! How do you shop for that? I honestly feel bad for my family and loved ones. Seriously people, don't get me anything because apparently I already bought it for myself.

I did find these lovely frocks:

I think I like the brown better. It's more forgiving of my midsection rollies. Now I need to find some shoes... I'm all about wedges right now, though it's difficult to find some that aren't too tall (I'm 5'10"), I don't need to look anymore like an amazon that I already do.

So I'm taking suggestions for Hub here: what do you get a girl like me for her birthday?

and please, send your shoe suggestions my way as well

Find your Bliss

a game of kickball at the park

on a crisp, fall day

fitting my grownup sized body down kid sized slides all because

this girl

told me to

"now you swing and I'll put my legs on you and we'll go high"


a husband and a wife

ah yes my friends... this is bliss to me

an apple a day

What's that?

food is near, Gus can sense it

but where?
and WHAT are they eating?

an apple
and yes, he would like a bite

just a nibble at first

and then the whole thing!

delicious he says

got anymore?

*note the obvious excitement

I am not a promoter of puppy porn

however, it is pretty

funny

...once in a while

Lynda Carter is my mentor

Now I've decided to change myself into Wonder Woman

and no, I am not afraid to use my lasso of truth either

check yo'self

because I love my hub

At the request of Hub I've changed my avatar picture back to the original.

According to him I am much more attractive in that photo.

So here's to putting my best face forward.

3:31

It's 3:31 and I'm wondering why it's not 5:00?

wait, 3:32, apparently it took me a whole minute to write that sentance.

I have good news:

I went to the gym last night and was running intervals on the treadmill (I know, SO extreme, except my intervals consist of me running really hard for 1 or 2 minutes and then slowing down to WALK. I'm 93.4% sure real, dedicated runners run the whole time). Anywho: after I was done I threw up, not really but I wanted to, and sat down and rode the stationary bike to catch my breath. Whilst pedaling along, this older gentleman came up to me and said:

"how long you been on that treadmill"

hardcore workout me: "eh, not so long, maybe 20-30 min"

OG: "wow, you were really booking it"

hardcore workout me (in an obviously pleased voice): "oh no, I just like to run sprints sometimes" (really don't "like" to do it very much at all)

OG: "well it looked hard. I just had my hip replaced 6 months ago, I wish I could still do that"

hardcore workout me: "um, ouch, and thanks?"

At that point OG walked away and I started pedaling faster in the hopes that by doing so I could avoid my own hip replacement. And then I started to feel grateful that I had a body capable of running sprints and lifting weights and all other fitness related activities. I felt so grateful in fact, that I even woke up this morning and went to pump class at 6 am.

and then I also ate 2 pieces of cake today at lunch


Go Me!

*it's now 3:45. 1 hr 15 min till freedom