Sometimes I think I'm crazy. Actually, it happens a lot more than sometimes. Me thinking I'm crazy that is. I have various moments of clarity/complete confusion throughout the day when I wonder what's going on in my head? This could be due to the fact that my hormone levels fluctuate somewhere between Mt. Everest and the Great Plains...at least that's what I like to blame it on.
I talk to myself out loud quite a bit, and I talk to other people in their cars when I'm driving, as if they can hear me, and I always call women drivers "Stella". I don't know why. Male drivers are referred to as "d-bags". If you don't know what that means, I don't know why you're reading my blog. It goes a little something like this:
"yes Stella, merging into my lane WAS indeed an awesome idea. You go right ahead, don't mind that I'm in your way"
"you D BAG (!!!*@#$U%*Y#$&!!!), who the EFF taught you to drive??"
I have have a legitimate fear that my thighs look like Bonnie Blair's (the olympic speedskater, remember?).
When I eat a sandwich or anything wrapped in a bun or bread of some type. I always pick off the excess bread, the part that isn't touching the heart of the sandwich, because I think subconciously that I am somehow eating better because I'm eliminating those extra calories. I also feel better about myself when I don't completely finish whatever it is I'm eating, whether it be a giant sized polish dog from Costco, or a donut from Krispy Kreme. As long as there's at least one bite left that I didn't consume, I feel okay about eating the other 90%. My dinner plate often looks like a war zone when I'm finished with it, parts of my meal scattered around like casualties.
I have a deep seeded fear of barnacles, like the crusty things that live on whales and attach themselves to boats and piers and other ocean things. Watching Pirates of the Carribean parts 2 and 3 was physically painful for me thanks to Davey Jones and his damn crustacean face. I actually threw up in my mouth a little when that barnacle sprouts out of his cheek in part 2 (I think it was part 2). After the first Pirate movie, they all kind of ran together for me, but I digress.
I read books abnormally fast, and sometimes don't absorb a lot of what I just read. I have a difficult time reading the scriptures for this very reason. Maybe that's why I don't seem to remember a lot from college???
I worry a lot that about things I can't control, to the point that I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep at night.
I have a compulsive need to keep my nails clean. Fake nails gross me out even though I used to wear them myself.
I get extremely annoyed by this one guy at work, and roll my eyes at him every time he turns his back to me. I'm thinking this might catch up to me one day, but I have no idea how to control myself on this matter.
I am kind of obsessive about how my underwear pinch me just so that it looks like I have an extra fat roll. Like I needed an extra fat roll in the first place. I am continually trying to figure out how to make the fat roll go away or to make my waistband less pinchy. It drives me NUTS.
Dog hair grosses me out, more than pretty much anything. And yet I have a dog who leaves his hair everywhere. Sometimes I don't like my dog very much.
I enjoy cleaning bathrooms, and bleach is one of my favorite scents.
I think freckles are attractive. In fact, I miss tanning because I used to get so freckly.
My relief society president doesn't like me, but I don't much like her either. I feel bad about this. And then I get over it.
I could go on for days like this...
I guess I just felt the need today to get it out there. Somedays I'm okay with being so crazy, other days I feel like a weirdo.
And that's okay with me.
also known as Ryan Howard
4. It is the day before 
